Considering the Giants had the day off, a lot went their way. Not only did the team not lose, but the Eagles and Cowboys did… which is always nice.

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As most of you know, Maya Angelou and I tend run in the same circles. We are both North Carolina poets and wordsmiths. We are both held in the highest regards by other esteemed writers and laureates from throughout this great country. From the President of the United States all the way down to the drunken hobos that live behind the Sunoco down the street from my house.

In order to fully prepare for the upcoming NFL season, I asked her to write a few words about the fate of a few of the teams. And here, you lucky Lampoon readers, are her predictions for the 2009-10 NFL Season,

The Cowboys

Romo-thou art not a failure

Fumbulicious, maybe still

Play-offs still haunt your dreams

No longer necessary on special teams Read More

Buffalo Bills – July 25 (rookies and vets)

What They’re Saying: We’ve got T.O.! We’ve got T.O!

Wish They Would Say: Goddamn it, we’ve got T.O.

The Coach: The gaunt fisherman Dick Jauron is a master of getting a ton out of a team one year, and then slowly but surely coasting to the ground. T.O. in year one could get them some wins though. And the offense could be really, REALLY good. If they’re not, it may be time to throw some money at a Shanahan or Cowher.

Best Case Scenario: The Dolphins fall back to Earth, the Jets fizzle, and the Pats don’t return to form, leaving the Bills as the surprise champs.

Worst Case Scenario: After another fast start, Edwards gets hurt again, Marshawn Lynch drives over a cop, and T.O. poisons Ralph Wilson’s aspic. None of those help your win total.