CELEBRITY
GAMING
MOVIESFebruary 1st, 2010 by Rachel Arbeit
For the first time, the NFL’s Semi-Pro Bowl occupied the Sunday before Superbowl. The game featured NFL players that won’t be in the Superbowl playing touch football.
- No Hawaii Vacation This Year!
- No Hawaii Vacation This Year!
January 25th, 2010 by Garrett Hargrove
Brett Favre won the hearts of millions with his gutsy performances, his dedication to the sport and his ability to make plays few others ever had. He exuded a child-like joy for football many who wear the NFL logo every Sunday forgot. Just look at the records Brett Favre owns. Just look at this youtube video:
The title says it all. “Brett Favre - Legend”. He was the pride of the NFL. Movie Star. NFL Champion and future hall of famer. Sportsman of the Year. Celebrity endorser.
Then came a backlash. Out of nowhere, came a wave of hatred for Brett Favre. He didn’t beat his wife. He didn’t electrocute dogs. He didn’t bet on the game or take steroids. But the hatred flooded the internet:
Top 10 Reasons to Hate Favre Lists
Everyone abandoned the golden boy except for John Madden. So he waffled on Green Bay a little. Did you know anyone in Wisconsin that is personally affected? No. We haven’t even totally verified that Wisconsin even exists. So he refuses to retire. Where’s the same vitriol for Ricky Henderson? So he threw some interceptions. When you play that much, you’re going to. Plus, did it really matter to you if Favre threw an interception for a team you didn’t root for? Even this year, when he set a record low for Interceptions by a persona named “Brett Favre”, the hatred came. Every quarterback who has ever appeared in a Farrelly Brothers movie has proven to be tremendously popular. Except for one.
It just doesn’t add up! Why has nobody else looked into this? I, being the intrepid reporter I am, could not sit idly by and allow Favre’s good, misspelled name to be smeared through the mud. What I found was horrifically sad. Much like Trading Places, a major corporation was willing to put a good, hard working man through hell… for a buck.
Or a whole lot of bucks. But still… who is behind this…
January 25th, 2010 by Rachel Arbeit
For the first time since 1993, the Superbowl will feature the top seeded teams in each conference. The New Orleans Saints and the Indianapolis Colts were perfect deep into the season, and are set to face off in Miami to decide which of the conference’s best teams is better.
January 25th, 2010 by thorsonette
For some, the Super Bowl is two weeks away. For most, the season is finally over and it’s time to start spending the millions. How do the great men of the NFL choose to unwind?
Brett Favre: Returns home to cheers, honors and rampant celebration despite the mind-blowingly bad pass call and subsequent loss. Quickly forgets about the five wide-open yards that could have been easily covered for prime field-goal setup. Kisses babies, signs breasts, resumes regular float-riding in Minneapolis’s bi-weekly “We Love Brett Favre” parade. Retires. Discovers cure for cancer. Brokers multi-national peace agreement in the Middle East. Appears at meetings of the Favropalian Knights, a long-established secret society that values only cheese production, indecision and endless worship of Brett Favre. Decides he’s just not ready to leave the field and starts for the Cowboys in the fall.
Eli Manning: Tries to re-establish himself as King-Pimp of Hoboken. Spends five hours a day walking up and down Washington Street while saying loudly, “Yeah, dat’s how I roll. Dat’s how I roll cause dat’s how I gotta roll.” Asks hot wife to dress like a hooker and accompany him on strolls. Is bitch-smacked by hot wife. Gets laughed off the sidewalk and back into his automated condo. Cries, calls Peyton.
Nate Kaeding: Retreats to an Indian ashram for soul-searching, chakra-centering and media-avoiding. Encounters Taoist Apothecary Guru who also happens to be a Chargers fan. Is never heard from again.
January 24th, 2010 by Eddie Rawls
"Hey! Where's The Buffet?"
I’m not saying Rex Ryan is fat, I’m saying his chin is a scientific marvel and should be studied by astronomists to see what the gravitational pull is. Rex Ryan’s chin is so big, Leno should have him on every night just to assure himself there’s someone else on the planet who can’t see from his chin down to his vagina.
That chin is awfully suspicious looking. It’s an alien-like mass. A foreign object existing outside the realm of nature as we understand it — like the Monolith in Kubrick’s 2001. What do you think inspired shut-down cornerback Darrelle Revis? Ryan’s chin. It covers everything… except the prying eyes of this reporter.
Often I dabble in politics, and as The Jets get ready for The Colts today I kind of miss Lou Dobbs. Ahhh… The good ole days. I can hear Dobbs now: “Mark… Sanchez? I’ve never seen his Green Card. Have you?” The immigration policies are some of the greatest farces facing this great nation and everyone knows it. I for one will not idly stand by and witness the theft of the National Football League and destruction of The Untied States Of America as we know it. USA! USA! USA!
Wake up White People!
Sanchez might be part of that crazy drug cartel Glenn Beck warns about. The one from Mexico. By way of Afghanistan. The liberal media might try to spin this into some issue about race, but that’s not so. The MSM can manipulate the masses all they want, but we cling to notions called “values.” Maybe you’ve heard of ‘em? Morals are at our core. We are salt of the Earth people and real Americans.
Naturally, this leads us to a few important questions: Does New York really want a drug dealing cartel of big-chinned terrorists without papers representing them in The Super Bowl? Do you support radical Islamic fundamentalism springing from extra-terrestrial sources? Are you an American?
Live Free Or Die — Suspend Rex Ryan and Mark Sanchez.
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Boo The Jets With Me On Twitter. Let’s Go Colts!
January 22nd, 2010 by Rachel Arbeit
In an effort to emulate, yet overdo Kurt Warner, holy water drinker Tim Tebow will present his Christian-influenced political views on the biggest stage in television advertising: a Superbowl commercial.
January 18th, 2010 by Rachel Arbeit
The Minnesota Vikings had a 24-point lead against the Dallas Cowboys yesterday with less than two minutes left and the ball on the Dallas Cowboys’ 11-yard line on Sunday in the NFL playoffs. Their decision to continue playing the game was not appreciated by the losers.
January 7th, 2010 by Rachel Arbeit
Chad Johnson, now known as Ochocinco, has self-diagnosed his questionable knee as okay after some bedroom activities.
December 27th, 2009 by Rachel Arbeit
In honor of the last game at Giants Stadium, the organization and team did nothing.
Fans hold up a sign that reads "Thanks for the Memories". They had no room to add "except for this one."
December 22nd, 2009 by Rachel Arbeit
Last night the New York Giants looked like the 5-0 team I remember from the beginning of this season!
