CELEBRITY
GAMING
MOVIESLast night the New York Giants looked like the 5-0 team I remember from the beginning of this season!
…and Philly won Sunday night partially because the officials ruled an Eli Manning fumble where there was none. The ground cannot cause a fumble! But the officiating can cause a tainted game.
Not that the Giants deserved to win with the receivers dropping passes like it was still raining when it wasn’t, while the defense gave up pass plays and left McNabb alone.
Stevey, babe, we miss you and we know you can’t be happy in St. Louis. Come back Spagnuolo!
If the Giants do nothing else with this season, at least they’ll have the glory of defeating Dallas.
The New York football Giants continued their shameless self-destruction in dramatic fashion by giving their Week 9 game to the San Diego Chargers. It’s not that the Giants don’t know how to win anymore, it’s that losing is just so much easier.
As the teams line up for kickoff, the slow tolling a the AC/DC “Hells Bells” blast through Giants Stadium to ring in the game and the new season. Read More
They are all NFL superstars and they have all been sent to or are going to jail. Unfortunately, for former New York Giants Wide Receiver Plaxico Burress, that’s where the similarities end. Let’s review, shall we:
Michael Vick - He serves 18 months in prison for torturing animals and running an illegal dog fighting ring. He was recently signed by the Philadelphia Eagles.
Donte Stallworth - The Cleveland Browns receiver pleads guilty to a DUI manslaughter charge stemming from a March 14th incident where he killed a man while driving drunk. He receives a 30-day jail sentence but is released after just 24.
Plaxico Burress - He pleads guilty to a weapons charge and accepts two years in prison for accidentally shooting himself in the thigh at a Manhatten nightclub.
So, boys and girls what have we learned here today? 1) If you’re going to illegally carry a firearm into a night club and shoot it, make sure you shoot someone other than yourself. AND 2) If you’re going to kill something be sure it’s a human being (preferably of minority descent, the man Stallworth ran over was Cuban - I’m not a racist) and not a furry animal.
I support paying Eli Manning like he’s some soccer star because hey, he won THE Superbowl Championship of all Superbowl Championships. Do you remember how undefeated those Patriots were? 
New York Giants – August 3 (rookies and veterans)
What They’re Saying: We have the best lines in the league. Losing to the Eagles couldn’t have been flukier.
Wish They’d Say: We’ve been watching video of Christian Okoye and throwing up constantly.
The Coach: Tom Coughlin was once called ‘The Devil Incarnate’ by his players in Jacksonville. It’s not outside the realm of possibility that he’d bite a player in the throat. Nevertheless, he toughens up your team. Hard to see him ever being on the hot seat again.
Best Case Scenario: The G-Men bulldoze through the NFC and get no real tests until a Super Bowl rematch against New England.
Worst Case Scenario: Brandon Jacobs gets injured, Eli doesn’t figure out how to throw to a receiver shorter than 6’5”, Coughlin swallows a planet.
If your head is still spinning from all of the NFL Free Agency craziness that has happened so far, hold on. There’s still a lot more shuffling around to come.
7:45 am - Ignore call from Giants.
8:15 am - Ignore call from Giants.
8:30 am- Ignore call from Giants while you take your son to school, even though he’s not even 2 yet.
8:32 am - Remind yourself to make up a better excuse next time.
9:00 am - Call drew Drew Rosenhaus and tell him you want a newer new contract.
9:08 - Find unregistered firearm. Decide to keep it. What’s the worst that could happen?
9:30 am - Run over playbook with Escalade.
9:45 am - Text New York Giants President John Mara and tell him that you are expecting a new contract.
9:46 am - Turn to Weather Channel when he inquires what the weather in hell is like.
10:00 am - Text Eli’s cell phone and say you’re with Dominoes and have 50 pizzas in the parking lot for a “Launchpad Macock.” (do this for the next 2 hours)
12:00 pm - Find that guy that does the Verizon commercials and his network. Wander around New Jeresy to find out where they won’t follow you. Mark these spots down for use in future alibi.
