I support paying Eli Manning like he’s some soccer star because hey, he won THE Superbowl Championship of all Superbowl Championships. Do you remember how undefeated those Patriots were?

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In international hoops news, a brawl erupted on the court Canada’s men’s national team took on Italy in what was supposed to be a “friendly” exhibition match in preparation for the FIBA Americas Championship.

Americans are shocked and displeased by the incident, mostly because none of them have ever heard of the FIBA Americas Championship or basketball being played outside of the continental US.  However, one man is absolutely furious about it:  Ron Artest is steaming about the blatant amatuerism displayed during the fight. Here’s a statement given to the AP and a guy who sells Affliction shirts:

I am deeply saddened by the current state of in-game fighting within the basketball community.  A pattern has emerged where scrapping has greatly decreased and holding back fighters has greatly increased.  This so called “brawl” was very sparse as far as ass kicking goes. Read More

Footage of Cleveland superstar LeBron James being dunked on by a college player from Xavier has just been leaked onto the internet.  This is the footage that you were never supposed to see.  Visuals too shocking for the public to handle.  A video so gruesome that the CIA tried to hide it in their secret warehouse.  Evidence in direct opposition to The King’s superiority over us all.

Well, not really.

The infamous play where LeBron gets dunked on is not that amazing.  There are two version of the video, one from tmz.com and one from ebaumnation.com.  The tmz.com version makes it look a little bit worse than the ebaumnation one, but neither are Earth shattering and here’s why:

1. LeBron is not one on one with Jordan Crawford.  If LeBron was on Crawford from the moment the ball was in his hands, then it would have been a more impressive drive to the hoop.

2. LeBron came entered the play late.  He may have been tired or just doing your typical “this is my camp, I’m just going to half ass it” thing, but was really just standing around on the block as the play began.  He didn’t have enough time to really contest Crawford as he came off of the pick.

3. LeBron is not head on with Jordan Crawford.  Crawford more or less dunks over the side of him.  It is far from an in your face, humiliation, complete ownage dunk.

If you don’t want to take my word for it, go ahead and look up the video for yourself.  If anything, you will get a little bit of that forbidden video satisfaction we all love (case in point, Erin Andrews).

On the heels of Tom Watson’s remarkable runner-up finish at the British Open this past weekend at the ripe old age of 59, “Pistol” Pete Maravich has decided to come out of retirement to try and rejoin an NBA team.

Maravich, the LSU legend and all-time leading NCAA Division I scorer, will turn 63 next January.   If successful, he would become the oldest player ever to play in the NBA by nearly 20 years.

During his previous playing days, Maravich was named to the All-NBA First Team twice and led the league in scoring during the 1976-77 season.  He was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame in 1987 and is often credited with making it cool to be white again.  A leg injury during the 1977-78 season started his downward spiral into alcoholism and ultimately signaled the end of his playing career.  That is, until now.

There’s no word yet on whether any NBA teams will be interested in Maravich’s services this fall.   But, he continues to train for the historical opportunity nevertheless.

Oh, what?  Wait a second.  Pete Maravich is dead?  Oops…

It has been announced that Houston Rockets guard Tracy McGrady will be changing his number from 1 to 3.  When asked why, he said it was a move to reflect his status in the league.

“For a while there, I was the best player in the league.  I was the man, everybody knew it, I was number 1.  Unfortunately, that’s not the case any longer, but I’m still pretty damn good.  So now I’m number 3.  If you can’t tell, I am a very tough critic when it comes to my play.  Hopefully Yao Ming is back in time for next season.  If not, my number may be going up to something like 15.”

McGrady made it clear that the switch has nothing to do whatsoever with any sort of charity work he has been doing. Read More

Alleged NBA star Richard Jefferson dumped his New Jersey cheerleader bride the night before his $2 million wedding was to commence. Jefferson continued his streak of chivalry by not notifying his wedding guests that the event was canceled until two hours before it was to begin. According to friends and family, dumped-bride-to-be Kesha Ni’Cole Nichols is “doing just fine” and just wants to “move on”.

I take offense at this whole ordeal! Who in the heck is Richard Jefferson and when did we start calling any ol’ NBA player a “star”? The dude played for the Nets and was traded! That’s like being fired from volunteer work.

And what’s with Kesha’s middle name? Ni’cole? Really? Since when do we start writing speech impediments into our names? And I’m guessing that her parents spelled “Keisha” incorrectly on the birth certificate. Regardless, I may start going by “Kri’s”… I’m kind of liking it.

Anyway, the only good thing that came out of this debacle is that these two rocket scientists aren’t getting married. You can see from the above photo that Kesha is only in it for the money and tanning products, and Jefferson’s eyes betray an affair with a circus midget… oh, sorry–Little Person. Two million dollars saved and two knuckleheads remaining single is great news! And speaking of news, let’s all give Google News a round of applause for placing this in the sports news section!

Ron Artest is coming to Los Angeles, but it doesn’t seem like the Lakers are the only ones who are looking to pick up some muscle.  Local gangs have expressed some extreme interest in the small forward (who towers over the majority of gangbangers at six foot, eight inches).  The two largest, the Crips and the Bloods, are gaining widespread media attention (right now) over these proposed plans.

Speculation from Artest fans as to why this is happening have ranged from his rumored ties with charities that have the capability to transport large amount of product, to his pleasantly shocking outbursts towards fans and players alike.

One fan has stated, “I’ve seen him bonk four, five….even fiddy grown men on the head in one quarter.  It’s no wonder both the Crips and the Bloods keep on truckin’ towards him.”  It really isn’t a wonder, is it.

The Bloods have issued a statement offering Artest quite the hefty membership benefits including round the clock protection from all the other scary large men in his profession, his vintage Bulls jersey would be the gang mandatory decor, and when needed he has access to a small, yet cozy apartment in a not so good part of town.  Just like home.

The Crips are yet to issue any official statement but there are rumblings.  Oh yes, there are rumblings.  I don’t know what they’re saying or what their strategy is, but I do happen to think they may be a better fit for Artest.  They are both very cultured, taking part in our generations favorite art form, rap.  Also of note, both the Crips and Artest use mass amounts of symbolism in their business.  Poetic as hell.

I just hope that Artest at least continues his magnificent performance on the court and his wonderful sportsmanship in general.

Ron Artest has not acknowledged this subject and has not issued any statement regarding it.  Yet.

Shaquille O’Neal’s new motto now that he’s joined the Cleveland Cavaliers:  “Win a ring for the king.”

“Forget Lebron!” Shaq said.  “It’s free whoppers for life, yo!”

Shaquille O’Neal and Dwight Howard fold up like rusty old lawn chairs whenever they need to make a clutch free throw, Mike Vick pops a boner whenever he hears the words dog fight and Yao Ming is injured again.  So, what else is new?

The Houston Rockets already acknowledged Yao’s recovery from a broken foot was behind schedule, but now it turns out that setback might cost him even more time than was first expected.

“At this point, the injury has the potential for him to miss this next season and could be career threatening,” team physician Tom Clanton said, according to the Houston Chronicle.

Clanton then vehemently denied the accusation that Yao’s bones were more susceptible to injury due to a rare condition often referred to as being really f*cking tall.

“There is no proof this has anything to due with tallness.” Clanton said.  “Tallness is not even a real disease!”

Hmm… perhaps, just accepting the problem is the first step to recovery because suddenly, Greg Oden looks durable in comparison.

Meanwhile, the Rockets without Yao are how you say f*cked in Chinese?

“Get our coach on the phone!”  Rockets general manager Daryl Morey screamed.  “Who’s our coach?  Ron Jeremy’s brother?  Oh, we fired him last year?  Well, get whoever it is on the phone!!!”

Yao, who last season averaged 19.7 points and 9.9 rebounds per game, is due to make over $16 million next season with a player option for 2010-11 that would pay him over $17 million.  Yao played in 77 games during the 2008-09 campaign before injuring the same troublesome foot in Game 3 of their playoff series against the Lakers.

“There’s a billion people in that country,” Morey said.  “We get the one guy that has bones as brittle as Dick Clark!”

We are now in the Dead Zone. The U.S. Open has just concluded (Tiger did not win but Phil performed his folderama so at the least the Universe makes half-sense), the never-ending NBA and NHL playoffs have finally ended and the NCAA football and basketball championships are but a distant memory (who won?). Not even the NFL can fill in the Dead Zone in its quest of an all-year season although all are trying their best with the latest Brett Favre Watch and other drivel. Tennis has two meaningful matches a year and Federer wins. Soccer at its highest level is fun to watch for a few minutes but it is soccer. The WNBA is not an option.

Unless you live in one of four or five cities, baseball, the American past-time (and I emphasize “past”) is of little or no interest to most of us who do not have owners willing to spend $100 million plus to try to buy a championship. Even if you dare go to a game on a nice summer night, I defy anyone to actually watch an entire baseball game on television for nine innings without taking a nap (induced or otherwise) or surf the Net or feed the cat (repeatedly). It is almost impossible to watch grown men in uniforms just stare at one another for long periods of time between a few seconds of action and ED commercials.

Even the sportswriters feel the pain in the Dead Zone. Do we really care about the human interest story of the undrafted free agent rookie on the Ravens/Giants/Eagles (pick any team) who will get cut before the second exhibition game? I believe that the weekly leaks on the baseball steroids abusers are not coming from the Justice Department, but rather from some sports desk editor desperately trying to find something interesting to write about for his shrinking readership. Read More