CELEBRITY
GAMING
MOVIESJanuary 18th, 2010 by Rachel Arbeit
The Minnesota Vikings had a 24-point lead against the Dallas Cowboys yesterday with less than two minutes left and the ball on the Dallas Cowboys’ 11-yard line on Sunday in the NFL playoffs. Their decision to continue playing the game was not appreciated by the losers.
December 6th, 2009 by Rachel Arbeit
If the Giants do nothing else with this season, at least they’ll have the glory of defeating Dallas.
November 15th, 2009 by Rachel Arbeit
Considering the Giants had the day off, a lot went their way. Not only did the team not lose, but the Eagles and Cowboys did… which is always nice.
September 21st, 2009 by Rachel Arbeit
Who says you need to score touchdowns in the red zone to win games? With play like this, the New York Giants should be favored by one point for
the next several weeks (until Big Blue blows someone out, or blows a game).
the next several weeks (until Big Blue blows someone out, or blows a game).August 11th, 2009 by Jeff Lutz
Name: Terrell Owens
Crime: Creating Unnecessary Controversy/Making America Dumber/Dropping Passes.
He’s the king of controversial firestorms and now he even has his own show (so who’s genius idea was that?). Buffalo Bills Wide Receiver Terrell Owens, a six-time Pro Bowl selection, holds the NFL’s single-game reception record AND he’s a f*cking basterd. Take exhibits A, B, C, D, E…
August 2004: Owens insinuates in an interview with Playboy magazine that 49ers Quarterback Jeff Garcia is a homosexual. “If it looks like a rat and smells like a rat, by golly, it is a rat…”
November 15, 2004: Wearing a Philadephia Eagles jersey, Owens appears with Nicollette Sheridan (of the ABC series Desperate Housewives) in an introductory skit to open that evening’s Monday Night Football. Many condemn the skit as being sexually suggestive - at the conclusion, Sheridan removes her towel - and ABC later apologizes for airing it.
April 2005: Owens announces that he has hired super agent Drew Rosenhaus and indicates he’s seeking to have his contract with the Philadelphia Eagles renegotiated. He makes comment to the effect that he “wasn’t the guy who got tired in the Super Bowl.” The remark was in reference to Eagles Quarterback Donovan McNabb throwing up on the field during the fourth quarter of Super Bowl XXXIX.
November 3, 2005: Owens gets into a fight with Eagles Defensive End Hugh Douglas, the leader of the team. In an interview with ESPN, Owens voices his frustrations over the team not recognizing his 100th career touchdown. He calls the Eagles a classless organization.
When asked whether or not he agreed with a comment made by ESPN analyst and good friend Michael Irvin, Owens agrees that the Eagles would be undefeated if Brett Favre were the quarterback of the team instead of Donovan McNabb.
November 8, 2005: Owens and Rosenhaus hold a news conference at Owens’ residence in Moorestown, New Jersey. Owens does sit-ups in his driveway then apologizes to the team and the fans. After Owens reads his statement, Rosenhaus infuriates reporters by answering the majority of their questions with a “next question.”
September 27, 2006: Media outlets in Dallas report Owens tries to kill himself by intentionally ingesting an overdose of hydrocodone, a pain medication. Owens leaves the hospital later that day and at a press conference denies having made a suicide attempt and that doctors had pumped his stomach, stating that he expects to join the team for practice the next morning. Owens’ publicist, Kim Etheridge, first says Owens was “depressed” then later refutes the report, saying Owens had suffered allergic reaction to the medication combined with a dietary supplement. Read More
July 24th, 2009 by Rosolio
Dallas Cowboys - July 29 (rookies and veterans)
What They’re Saying: We’re so much better without T.O.. Miles Austin is twice the receiver he is. Tony Romo is done with Daisy Dukes and therefore focused on football.
Wish They’d Say: Please GOD, let Romo win one f*cking game of significance! And the fact Roy Williams has NEVER LIFTED WEIGHTS is a huge problem!
The Coach: Wade Phillips is the poster child for middle-aged coach who looks like an old lesbian. He’s also as lame of a duck as you can get. Jerry Jones is dying to hire Mike Shanahan or Bill Cowher next year, so it’ll take a ring to maybe save his job.
Best Case Scenario: T.O.-free, the Cowboys destroy the division with a power running game and stout defense and get to the Super Bowl.
Worst Case Scenario: Fans can use the largest HDTV in the world to see Williams have no interest in playing football and Romo put his hands on his head like he just remembered what color his jersey is.
July 14th, 2009 by Rachel Arbeit
Us Magazine, America’s most trusted tabloid, has reported that Dallas Cowboys star quarterback Tony Romo broke up with pop tart, but never quite pop star, and young botox fan, Jessica Simpson.
May 14th, 2009 by Rachel Arbeit
As of yesterday, the new $1.1 billion Dallas Cowboys stadium has a name, “Cowboys Stadium,” a creative reinvention of the former venue’s name, “Texas Stadium.”
Read More
March 8th, 2009 by Rachel Arbeit
On March 5th, thirty-five year old Terrell Owens was released by the Dallas Cowboys. This could have lead to the following advertisement:
Flamboyant, past-his-prime Wide Receiver seeks fourth NFL team to excite and disrupt. Work Experience: Caught passes from homosexual in San Francisco, lost Superbowl due to tired quarterback vomiting under pressure in Philadelphia and after learning nothing from Bill Parcells, cried for his team leader Romo when times got tough in Dallas. 
In-game hobbies include: light cheerleading, sharpie calligraphy, “bird” dancing, mimicking the “bird” dance, mock waiting tables, napping and other talented improvisational acts. Requires a quarterback who will throw to him on almost every passing play, while forgiving dropped passes and excessive celebration penalties after touchdowns. With questionable overdoses in the past, Terrell Owens is ready for the next team the way his agent is always ready for the next question.
