BRISTOL (AP) - Little Trey Huguley is an average guy.  He has an average job.  And like most average guys, he likes coming home after a long day of work on Monday to Monday Night Football.  This Monday was no different.  Trey settled into his La-Z-Boy recliner, popped open a beer and turned on the TV.

“What the @$#% is this?” Trey exclaimed when he saw what was on TV.  He checked his watch and his program guide.  It was the time and channel for Monday Night Football, but sadly there was no football on.

Only the Ravens vs. the Browns.

Trey proceeded to call up his local cable company.  After a long hold, Trey began to get antsy as it was coming up on time for the end of the first quarter and the last thing he wanted to do was miss some real football.  When the cable company representative came on, they mentioned that they were flooded with calls about the situation and they were looking into it.  They assured Trey that they had checked their connections and this was the proper ESPN feed.  The problem had to be on the ESPN end of things.

Rather than spend an evening without football, Trey spent the next hour on hold.  Finally he got through.

“Hi.  My name is Trey and I’m calling to ask why there’s not football on.  Its supposed to be time for Monday Night Football but when I turn it to ESPN all I see is…” But Trey is cut off.  He goes pale white and his jaw drops at their response.

“Sir… this IS Monday Night Football.” The representative informs Trey.  Trey turns to the TV.  It shows The Cleveland Browns and Baltimore Ravens going in for half time with the score 0-0.  Trey begins to enter the seven stages of grief.  First denial.

“No.  No it isn’t.  You’re lying.  Switch it over to the real game!” Then the Pain and guilt.  Trey begins to shake.  Then comes the bargaining.

“Well… could you just replay the Pats-Colts game?  No?  Please?”  Trey hangs up the phone.  Then comes stage 4.  Loneliness.  Trey stares at the on screen program guide that reads Monday Night Football.  Trey clutches a pillow and tries to hold back the tears.

Now should come the upward turn.  Trey turns back on the TV.  On screen Cleveland blocks a Baltimore extra point.  Trey sobs and turns off the TV.  There will be no recovery tonight.  Trey is one of millions of fans who voiced their hurt and betrayal at ESPN for playing Baltimore vs. Cleveland in lieu of Monday Night Football.  One ESPN email server shut down after the wave of complaint emails hit.

ESPN Issued the Following Statement Tuesday Morning:

We here at ESPN constantly strive to bring you the highest level of sports entertainment.  The unfortunate events on Monday night that led to us broadcasting the Cleveland Browns versus Baltimore Ravens.  We are looking deep into our broadcast practices and standards to ensure that this never happens again.  Several things we are exploring:

• Contracting the Browns from the NFL
• Permanent ban of Brady Quin from television in general
• An Emergency override system that, at the push of a button, will switch the ESPN broadcast to something better than Browns-Ravens like Michael Jordan highlights, classic Super Bowl moments or even paint drying.
• Using Common Sense when Picking games for a National Broadcast

We offer our sincerest apologies and hope that you will continue to look to ESPN for your sports news and actions.

But that still doesn’t give Trey or the millions of other Americans their Monday night back.

They are all NFL superstars and they have all been sent to or are going to jail.  Unfortunately, for former New York Giants Wide Receiver Plaxico Burress, that’s where the similarities end.  Let’s review, shall we:

Michael Vick - He serves 18 months in prison for torturing animals and running an illegal dog fighting ring.  He was recently signed by the Philadelphia Eagles.

Donte Stallworth - The Cleveland Browns receiver pleads guilty to a DUI manslaughter charge stemming from a March 14th incident where he killed a man while driving drunk.  He receives a 30-day jail sentence but is released after just 24.

Plaxico Burress - He pleads guilty to a weapons charge and accepts two years in prison for accidentally shooting himself in the thigh at a Manhatten nightclub.

So, boys and girls what have we learned here today?  1)  If you’re going to illegally carry a firearm into a night club and shoot it, make sure you shoot someone other than yourself.  AND  2) If you’re going to kill something be sure it’s a human being (preferably of minority descent, the man Stallworth ran over was Cuban - I’m not a racist) and not a furry animal.

Training camp. The time when every team thinks their problems are solved. The time when Tony Romo can say, with a straight face, that Miles Austin is better than Terrell Owens. At football. And he’s serious. What wacky things will people say about their team? And what will they wish they were allowed to say? Sounds like a recurring segment!

Cleveland Browns - July 24 (rookies), July 31 (veterans)

What They’re Saying: You can never have too many good quarterbacks. With Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn on the roster, we’re covered in the event of injury.

Wish They Would Say: Having two ’88 Cutlasses doesn’t add up to a BMW. Quinn threw a pick six to a guy from the AP last week.

The Coach: Eric Mangini was ‘Mangenius’ early on in New York. The players all hate him for dragging them to a charity football camp via bus. Can your seat be hot when you first get in it? It can if Romeo Crennel was squatting there for the last three years.

Best Case Scenario: Mangini pulls a Parcells and the talented defense blows out the out of conference schedule, stealing an AFC wild card.

Worst Case Scenario: Does the phrase ‘the floor’s the limit’ exist?

Super Bowl winning quarterback “Big” Ben Roethlisberger said Thursday that the allegations made by a Lake Tahoe casino hostess are “reckless and false.”

The 31-year-old Nevada woman filed a civil lawsuit alleging the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback raped her in a hotel penthouse last year.  Roethlisberger called the allegations totally “outrageous.”

“It wasn’t a penthouse,” Roethlisberger said.  “It was a suite.”

Cleveland Browns wide receiver Donte’ Stallworth said the man he struck and killed during a drunk driving incident back in March came out of nowhere.

Currently, Stallworth is rotting in jail serving a 30-day sentence after pleading guilty to the DUI manslaughter of 59-year-old Mario Reyes.  Stallworth is also serving two years’ house arrest and is suspended from the NFL indefinitely.

Police have said Reyes was not in a crosswalk and was running to catch a bus (or perhaps a raft) when he was hit by Stallworth.  On the 911 call released Monday, Stallworth describes how the victim “just ran in front of my car.”

So, is Stallworth suggesting that anytime a human being runs out in front of a car the person driving the car should try and kill them?

We can neither confirm nor deny.