If you have no interest in hurricanes or the Peyton Manning Dynasty, don’t turn to baseball to entertain you right now. Nothing’s going on.

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As most of you know, Maya Angelou and I tend run in the same circles. We are both North Carolina poets and wordsmiths. We are both held in the highest regards by other esteemed writers and laureates from throughout this great country. From the President of the United States all the way down to the drunken hobos that live behind the Sunoco down the street from my house.

In order to fully prepare for the upcoming NFL season, I asked her to write a few words about the fate of a few of the teams. And here, you lucky Lampoon readers, are her predictions for the 2009-10 NFL Season,

The Cowboys

Romo-thou art not a failure

Fumbulicious, maybe still

Play-offs still haunt your dreams

No longer necessary on special teams Read More

Survey tests conducted by Major League Baseball revealed that Sammy Sosa tested positive for steroids in 2003.  In other news that we all could have pretty much figured out on our own, studies have revealed that the KFC Famous Bowl (Death Bowl) is really unhealthy.

Derrick Rose, the rookie savior of the Chicago Bulls has been faced with scrutiny in recent days over the validity of his SAT scores and a changed grade on his Memphis transcripts.  Rose denies these claims, though he really should be saying, “That was a long time ago, I can’t remember.”  Actually, it was only a year or two ago, but who’s counting.

Perhaps the best thing for everybody would be to just drop the issue entirely.  The further this thing is probed, Read More