I’m writing a complaint letter to Wachovia. I will have no more of this “play of the game” decided with two minutes left when the game is still in the process of being blown. Plus, the play of the game was not the Boss TD that was played on the jumbotron, it was the coin toss that gave the Giants the ball first in OT.

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Considering the Giants had the day off, a lot went their way. Not only did the team not lose, but the Eagles and Cowboys did… which is always nice.

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They are all NFL superstars and they have all been sent to or are going to jail.  Unfortunately, for former New York Giants Wide Receiver Plaxico Burress, that’s where the similarities end.  Let’s review, shall we:

Michael Vick - He serves 18 months in prison for torturing animals and running an illegal dog fighting ring.  He was recently signed by the Philadelphia Eagles.

Donte Stallworth - The Cleveland Browns receiver pleads guilty to a DUI manslaughter charge stemming from a March 14th incident where he killed a man while driving drunk.  He receives a 30-day jail sentence but is released after just 24.

Plaxico Burress - He pleads guilty to a weapons charge and accepts two years in prison for accidentally shooting himself in the thigh at a Manhatten nightclub.

So, boys and girls what have we learned here today?  1)  If you’re going to illegally carry a firearm into a night club and shoot it, make sure you shoot someone other than yourself.  AND  2) If you’re going to kill something be sure it’s a human being (preferably of minority descent, the man Stallworth ran over was Cuban - I’m not a racist) and not a furry animal.

Atlanta Falcons – July 31 (rookies and veterans)

What They’re Saying: We’ve still got a long way to go. We’re a young team and can still grow.

Wish They’d Say: We’re going to the Super Bowl, motherf*ckers!

The Coach: Mike Smith is the exact opposite of Bill Belichick: a genuinely nice guy who coaches like it’s a Pop Warner team. Couldn’t you picture him greeting Michael Turner and Matt Ryan at the sideline with orange slices?

Best Case Scenario: Tony Gonzalez joins an up and coming offense, the defense catches up, and the Falcons become the new dynasty of the NFC.

Worst Case Scenario: The league figures out Ryan, Turner can’t replicate last year’s production, and Smith puts an orange slice in his mouth and has a heart attack in the family garden. There wasn’t enough time…

Michael Vick is not just a dog lover.  Apparently, he loves children, too.

The suspended NFL star will be leaving his job with a Virginia construction company to work with youngsters at a Boys & Girls Club.  Vick needs a job to meet the conditions of his probation.  He had previously been earning $10 an hour.

Steven Kast, CEO of the Boys & Girls Clubs of the Virginia Peninsula, says Vick will be working with children on health and fitness activities at several clubs in the Hampton Roads area.

There is no word yet whether Vick will be having the kids settle their differences by fighting to the death in the middle of a ring as Vick’s “pals” watch on excitedly placing their bets and penetrating one another from behind.

If you are excited that former Atlanta Falcons star Michael Vick is out of jail, you’re probably a cat person.
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