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MOVIESCelebrate Good Championships All Off-season! Do-do-do-do do do do do!
The 2009 New York Yankees are World Champions! Alex Rodriguez (seen above making out with himself) wins his first Championship Ring despite being an admitted steroid user. Much like any big, evil corporation in so many movies, the Yankees use the greenback to get to the top. The Phillies were a noble, scrappy underdog filled with likable guys like Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins and Raul Ibanez. The heart and face of the Yankees* dated Madonna and is a cheater. Most of the time, the good guys triumph (2003 Marlins over Yankees, 2001 Diamondbacks over Yankees, 81 Dodges over Yankees). But this is one of those rare times when history or pop culture allows the bad guy come out on top, but here are some of the greatest examples:
10. The Guys Who Brought You Scary Movie, Date Movie and Disaster Movie over Good Enertainment
Spy Hard. Date Movie. Epic Movie. Disaster Movie. Meet the Spartans.
Avarage imdb.com rating of those films: 2.7
From imdb: They’ve also written and sold several other spoof comedy scripts, such as; “Raunchy Movie” and “Remembering the Titans On Any Given Sunday Gives Me The Varsity Blues”.
Those guys are millionaires and “Firefly” only got 1 season. There is no God.
9. The Little League Yankees over the Bad News Bears
They were the ultimate underdogs. A team made up of kids who weren’t good enough to make other rosters. They were coached by a drunk, ex-major league pitcher. They had no talent and were poorly coached. After several embarrassing losses and adding a few ringers, they climbed out of the gutter and up to the championship against the Evil, Evil, Evil Yankees.
In the championship game, the Yankees tried to bean the Bears, they get in fights and generally play dirty. The evil porn ’stache sportin’ manager of the Yankees even goes as far as smacking the shit out of his kid on the pitching mound in the middle of the game. Meanwhile, Walter Matthau learns the true spirit of Christmasbaseball and puts in his scrubs so they have a chance to play because its not about winning.
They keep it close. Kelly leak then hits a deep shot to right field. the bases clear. Kelly Leak slides in to home to tie the game at 7.
But he’s out.
The child abuser and evil Yankees take the big trophy. They’re still dickwads, though.
(Rest after the break)…
The New York Yankees win their 27th World Championship. The Bronx is back and bombing, baby!
The biggest thing ruining professional sports isn’t greedy owners or greedy players, it’s quite simply the middleman. The sports agents are the people who are ruining sports. And the person that I feel we should all hold personally responsible for the insanity is the slimiest being this side of Ghostbusters. Sports agents are destroying the games we love. Feeding off the talent of others; people such as super-agent Scott Boras are slitting the throats of owners and fan bases for promises of greener pastures and more importantly for them, greener bank accounts.
The MLB Draft is fast approaching and this year’s story is power-pitching phenom Stephen Strasburg, who many feel super douche Scott Boras will make the Nationals (owners of the 1st pick) pay anywhere from $20-$50 million dollars for, by ignoring long standing MLB slotting rules and regulations.
Besides completely ruining the landscape of professional baseball, here are some other things that people might not know abut Scott Boras. These are like Chuck Norris facts, but with a 15% commission:
If literally smashing balls was a sport, Scott Boras would represent himself.
Scott Boras is the only sports agent that puts on rubber gloves and asks an owner to turn his head and cough during a contract negotiation.
Scott Boras once shot a baby out of a canon just to prove to Al Davis that Darren McFadden was “Faster than a baby shot out of a canon.” Read More
Being the privileged New Yorker that I am, I managed to experience the New Yankee Stadium for my first times this past weekend by going to Friday night’s game and Saturday’s afternoon game. Of course, I have an opinion about the new venue…
Despite his all-star status and multiple MVPs, wrinkle-lover and New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez was seen sharing an intimate dinner with Please Lookatme Frankel, one of the “Real Housewives of New York,” in Miami on Friday.
A-Rod, your vision may be hazy through your recent tears of woe, but did you SEE the monstrosity that was your dinner date? Sure, she looked good for 39, if leathery skin and the boniest jowls since Mick Jagger are your definition of “good.”
We understand your perception of age is a bit skewed after your tumultuous “affair of the heart” with The Material Girl herself. But since an affair of the heart implies no physical contact, we feel it’s only fair to warn you that if you put the moves on Ms. Stretchy-Skin Frankel, you should keep an eye out for straying facial pieces and collagen leakage.
Hooker history and juiced-up past be damned, A-Rod, you’re still one of the hottest players in baseball with more money than several small countries. YOU CAN DO BETTER, we promise. She’s a so-called “celebrity chef” with a new cookbook coming out, aptly titled something along the lines of “Cigarettes and Surgery: Everyone Can Be Skinny Like Me.” And to top it off, she’s not even married, which in my book would be an immediate disqualifier from a show about “Real HOUSEWIVES.”
Get well soon, A-Rod, and by “well” we mean “interested in saving your spiraling career instead of chasing older women.”
As we all have heard at least 4,399 times by now, Yankees star Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids six years ago. In less time than it takes to finish reading the article, “A-Fraud” and “A-Roid” shirts were already for sale all over the internet. Cries of shock and horror echoed through the land from fans of the highest paid player in baseball, to those who live to despise him. The steroid stamp has been printed on A-Rod. Now let the public outrage unleash by letting this discussion push you through your end of football season blues.
But I say “of course.” All the baseball players in this era do steroids. It is the steroid era in baseball. How is everyone shocked every time a new player is revealed to have cheated when it is clear that they all do it? At some point or another, some more than others, some using steroids, some using crafty varieties of the same concept, all of the major league baseball players have used performance enhancing drugs. 
The issue truly is that clear. I know it still breaks many hearts: you can see some fans look like little leaguers in their eyes filled with disappointment for the sanctity of the game, but they all do it. Baseball players at this level live for the competition and use to try to get ahead or to keep up. Don’t pretend your favorite player is the exception. They all have done it at one point or another. Read More
