Blog Roll

A guy fell out of the press box at Invesco Field at Mile High. Broncos fans in the seats he hit complained about the obstructed view.

Following the news that negative signs were no longer permitted by Redskins brass, Dan Snyder has announced that fans will be banned from attending Redskins games in the future.

“I’m stunned,” says longtime ticketholder Herb Mankowicz of Vienna, VA. “I always thought the team liked having people in the stands.”

“I don’t think I’m getting a rebate on my tickets,” says Tom Jackson of Northeast DC. “I mean, I paid for them and then was told to never show up…and then they thanked me again for the tickets.”

“This is my ball and you can’t play with my ball,” Snyder bellowed at a press conference. He then took the podium and huffed off the podium.

There’s a rumor that players will soon be banned, which should have quite an effect on the gameplan for the Falcons in Week 9.

Sunderland beat Liverpool off a goal that ricocheted off a beach ball that had fallen onto the field. He also awarded an HBP when Randy Johnson destroyed that bird a few years ago.

Won’t be covered there, will it?

Steelers kicker Jeff Reed will be allowed to play this weekend despite getting arrested for squaring off UFC-style against a cop. Tomlin is sticking by his guy, because maybe the fighting stance will keep him from shanking kicks.

Bill Simmons was talking about how this is the year of the three team tease. Barring a miracle (re: the Eagles getting dumped by the Raiders), it’s nearly impossible to lose them. I’m resisting the urge to drop five grand on the Colts and Bucs this week. Are you telling me there’s any way I’d lose?

Chicago +1.5 over CINCINNATI

I’m decidedly not buying into the Bengals sans Antwan “Don’t Call Me Lamar” Odom. If Orlando Pace doesn’t commit the worst false start in the history of Bears football, they take down Atlanta in the dome. Don’t the Bengals have Last Year’s Bills written all over them?

Indianapolis -13 over ST LOUIS

How high would this line have to be before you even considered taking the Rams? If it was 20, would anyone take them? I wouldn’t. On another note, I actually am a little bummed Rush Limbaugh won’t be heavily involved in Rams operations. Let’s see… Kevin Kasper and Wes Welker as wideouts, Jacob Hester as the running back. I’m not saying all white people like Rush, I’m just saying no black people do. It would be like KU’s team against Texas Western.

New England -14.5 over Tampa Bay

This couldn’t have worked out better. If a contender lost a home game to play overseas they might be upset. But this way, the Glazers can check in on Man U and see if any of them can cover or tackle. Like football tackle, not soccer slide tackle. That’s not tackling. Read the rest of this entry »

Michael Crabtree is going to make his first start Sunday against Houston. His cousin will be running the majority of the routes.

The difference between the winners and the losers are who can overcome their own shortcomings. Kinda like Ashton Kutcher becoming a major Hollywood producer. Let’s go bit by bit, shall we?

What’s wrong with…

Arizona: Their quarterback is a billion years old and hasn’t been good two years in a row since the Clinton administration.

Atlanta: They can’t stop anyone (25/30/31 against the run, pass and overall)

Baltimore: Can’t stop the pass. Otto Graham could throw for 300 on them. Now.

Buffalo: Their quarterback has a wet-noodle arm in the one stadium you can least afford to have a wet-noodle arm.

Carolina: Jake Delhomme simply refuses to stop turning the ball over. And you can run forever on them. Bad combo.

Chicago Bears: They can’t run the ball and their best player has diabetes.

Cincinnati Bengals: They already had a little trouble getting to the quarterback, and their best pass rusher just got knocked out for the year. Read the rest of this entry »

As of today, 22 teams have looked either, good, solid or decent.  They play well enough to think “Yeah, I could see them making a run and getting into the playoffs.”  The Colts, Saints, Broncos and Vikings are undefeated and playing really stellar football.  They’ve all been tested and won tough contest against quality opponents.  The other 18 have all shown flashes of promise and are entertaining to watch week in and week out.

The remaining 10 teams are an embarrassment to football, the NFL and sports in general.  Those teams are:

• Oakland
• Detroit
• Carolina
• Buffalo
• Cleveland
• Kansas City
• Tampa Bay
• Tennessee
• St. Louis
• Washington

They don’t deserve to play the rest of the season.  Of those 10 teams, they have won a combined 11 times.  Only 2 of those times have against teams in the top 22 (Oakland vs. Philly & Buffalo vs the Jets).  Cleveland’s lone win was a 6-3 thrill fest against Buffalo. There are three winless teams.  Tennessee suffered the worst NFL loss in 30 years.  Half of the games every week are decided before kickoff or are Washington-Detroit-esque slapfights.

It would be easy to just 86 the lot of them.  There would be no more “Oh God, do I have to watch Oakland-Detroit this week?”  (The Gods were merciful in blacking out that game regionally in Detroit.)  But there’s a lot of players on those teams who really deserve to be on a winner and it wouldn’t be fair to just dump them out of the league because the management of their respective teams shouldn’t be allowed to control a Madden 2010 team, much less a real NFL team.

Well maybe not a LOT of players, but maybe enough to field a team.  So, here’s what I propose:

• Remove the above teams.
• Take the best players from those teams and combine them into a new team.  The Las Vegas Zoo.

Bill Simmons has been pleading for a pro team in Vegas for some time now and we all win when he’s happy.  Why name them “The Zoo”?  Other than the fact that its awesome?  We need to offer some concession to those teams being dismissed.  We need to honor their history and mascots.  You have 5 teams with animal mascots (if you count Cleveland Dog Pound instead of the bland “Browns”), you have 2 teams represented by pirates (Buccaneers & Raiders), 2 teams represented by Indians (Chiefs & Redskins) and the ironically named Titans.  You can has a logo of all of the mascots of the redacted teams in cages on a pirate ship being watched by the indigenous people of America.  And we just ignore the Titan part of it.  They lost their right to be represented after letting Brian Hoyer score a rushing touchdown against them.  Yeah, there’s a reason you don’t know who Hoyer is.  Everyone is happy.  But now for the fun part:  Fielding the team (after the jump):

Read the rest of this entry »

Following the shameful loss of playcalling duties, Jim Zorn has also been stripped of his Redskins windbreaker. “It’ll be cold, but this was obviously my decision. Seriously. It was all my idea. Really.”