Kansas football coach Mark Mangino, who was only two seasons ago drenched in Gatorade, is under fire for being verbally and physically abusive to his players. Highlights include telling a receiver, fresh off of dropping a pass, that he was going to “Send [him] back to St. Louis so [he could] get shot with [his] homies.” “Are you going to be an alcoholic like your Dad?” is another one. Awesome. He defended his actions saying that the parents are bitter that he’s doing the job they should have.

A few thoughts:

-Nearly every coach can be construed to be an a**hole. Every guy Mangino has ever coached has had a fat guy in a windbreaker yell things at them and make them run. And when THIS fat guy in THIS windbreaker stands out for being a jerk, it must go a lot further than even these guys are bringing up.

-If you’re going to be a racist, you might not want to target the largest majority of your players and recruits.

-This is Kansas Football. FOOTBALL. Not basketball. These players didn’t pick KU to win a title or play for the program or for you, Mangino. They came to KU to get good tickets at the final four.

-Most importantly, the number one trait of a good college football coach is recruiting. Pete Carroll and Mack Brown and Jim Tressel are always in the BCS picture because they can get the best players in the country. Save the Gym Teacher Who Thinks Dodgeball Is A Sport routine.

-Fat people are supposed to be jolly.

CAROLINA –3 over Miami

I officially don’t understand anything anymore. The Dolphins only seem to win in their division, and the Panthers are suddenly playing like NFC Champions again. I would be all over these free points, but Ronnie Brown being out erases 90% of the team’s offense. Carolina could be a wild card! Is anyone else maddened by this?!?

Indianapolis over BALTIMORE

This is a pick’em? Really? The secondary lets anyone with half a decent arm throw over their heads, the best pass rusher goes down from a Brady Quinn cheapshot, and they’re not getting points? I don’t understand anything. Peyton Manning didn’t get injured shooting a United Way ad, did he?

JACKSONVILLE –8.5 over Buffalo

The real line should be how many times the announcers screw up interim coach’s Perry Fewell. No, he wasn’t in the BBC’s latest rendition of Pride and Prejudice. He’s the coach of the Bills. Only way Buffalo wins this game is if they think it’ll help sell Shanny on the deal.

MINNESOTA –11 over Seattle

Cool, one of these big lines that could easily be covered. There are only five good teams in football (Saints, Colts, Pats, Bengals, and Vikings) and the Vikings are one of them. Could and should be a massacre. And wait, they EXTENDED Childress in Minnesota?!? Did anyone else get a flash of Crennel in 2007?

New Orleans –11 over TAMPA BAY

Goddamn it. The Saints are overlooking everyone and not covering anymore. But how in the HELL can I take a one-win Buc team over the best team in the league?!? I hate you, Las Vegas.

NY GIANTS –6.5 over Atlanta

I would take the Falcons eleven days of the week (here’s my Ditka impression) if the Giants weren’t coming off a bye and that wasn’t as reliable a trend as there was in this nutty NFL season.

Pittsburgh –10 over KANSAS CITY

If KC didn’t hate their coach, it may have made sense. But Pittsburgh is smarting after losing control of the division. How long until Scott Pioli and Matt Cassel are officially given their Fraud Diplomas?

San Francisco +6.5 over GREEN BAY

The Packers aren’t good. The team they beat last week isn’t good. The Niners aren’t much better, but this is nearly a free touchdown. Quick question: if the Vikings make the Super Bowl, does anyone in Wisconsin watch? Can’t imagine a worse sports scenario.

Washington +11 over DALLAS

Oh my god. Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m doing this. I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO!! Dallas is not a good team! Damn it! No, I can’t.

DALLAS –11 over Washington

If they cover this game, I’m jumping off something.

DETROIT –3.5 over Cleveland

The Browns are the worst team in football. Brady Quinn is a punk who also happens to be unable to complete passes. If there’s a god, he’ll announce his getting cut with a, “Now I’m Done.”

Arizona –9 over ST. LOUIS

It’s a dome game. No way the Cardinals slip here. You can’t ever pick the Rams. Right?

San Diego +3 over DENVER

Remember that all-time choke job from last season in Denver? Prepare for the sequel.

Cincinnati –9.5 over OAKLAND

No.

NEW ENGLAND –10.5 over NY Jets

Okay, I was motoring through the meaningless games to get to this one. This is a perfect storm for the Jets. I like Rex Ryan. I like Bart Scott. I have a lot of friends who bathe themselves in Gang Green green. But this is going to be unholy. The Jet defense hasn’t really done anything in the last five weeks. Sanchez is looking like a rookie (high of 50 degrees in Foxboro). And the Pats just got done being second guessed for being aggressive. Either they go passive or they hang a 50 pack on their closest division rival.

Philadelphia –3 over CHICAGO

Apparently no one watched the Bears slam their own heads in a trunk door last week. Why is this only a field goal? This is how mediocre the NFC is this year: the Eagles could be the THREE SEED in the playoffs.

Tennessee +4.5 over HOUSTON

I don’t know about you, but I’ll take the best running back in the league and the most amazing comeback in football history over the bye week business. What if the Titans make the playoffs?  Impossible? They’ve got Houston, Arizona, Indy, St. Louis, Miami, San Diego, Seattle. Only the Colts are a tough game there, and what can’t they do? Stop the run.

Kids these days… they can pitch that baseball pretty well.

To no one’s surprise whatsoever, Zack Greinke won the Cy Young for the American League. He had a phenomenal season on a lousy team where some of his many accomplishments include: not allowing a run in the first 24 innings of the season, pitched a hitless 4th inning with 2 strikeouts in his 1st All Star game, he followed up a 15+ strikeout game with a one-hitter, and posted an ERA of 2.16, the lowest in MLB. Not too shabby.

But he wasn’t the only young pitcher who had a terrific season on a team that failed to make the playoffs.

For the second year in a row, San Fransico’s Tim Lincecum won the Cy Young for the National League. This hasn’t happened since Randy Johnson won back-to-back awards. And Tim Lincecum isn’t even as tall. Lincecum has only been in the league three years. So far so good.

It is a shame that these awards are announced after the MLB season has ended and baseball goes into its winter hibernation. It can’t possibly take all this time to make such a decision, so why wait and rob these stars of the praise they worked so hard to earn? Because the Baseball Writers Association of America are slower than congress and probably want to extend their own season.

Congrats to Greinke and Lincecum… puttin’ the “young” in Cy Young!

Side note: Tim Lincecum and Michael Phelps have smoked pot, and apologized. But really both are pretty f***ing successful, so it may be time to examine how harmful marijuana actually is.

The Bills made the first splash in the executioner’s market, knocking off Dick Jauron after he fell to 3-6. The question remains….who’s next?

Here’s our best guess of the order.

1. Jim Zorn - Top of the list because it’s beyond inevitable. One win over the Broncos won’t save his job.

2. Todd Haley - His team hates him and has regressed in every way. One and done for Paxil-boy.

3. Tom Cable - He punches women and his team sucks. Not even Al Davis would keep him.

4. Eric Mangini - Only way he won’t get fired is if the town rises up and slays him.

5. Norv Turner - Too much talent on that roster to even question a playoff spot.

BRISTOL (AP) - Little Trey Huguley is an average guy.  He has an average job.  And like most average guys, he likes coming home after a long day of work on Monday to Monday Night Football.  This Monday was no different.  Trey settled into his La-Z-Boy recliner, popped open a beer and turned on the TV.

“What the @$#% is this?” Trey exclaimed when he saw what was on TV.  He checked his watch and his program guide.  It was the time and channel for Monday Night Football, but sadly there was no football on.

Only the Ravens vs. the Browns.

Trey proceeded to call up his local cable company.  After a long hold, Trey began to get antsy as it was coming up on time for the end of the first quarter and the last thing he wanted to do was miss some real football.  When the cable company representative came on, they mentioned that they were flooded with calls about the situation and they were looking into it.  They assured Trey that they had checked their connections and this was the proper ESPN feed.  The problem had to be on the ESPN end of things.

Rather than spend an evening without football, Trey spent the next hour on hold.  Finally he got through.

“Hi.  My name is Trey and I’m calling to ask why there’s not football on.  Its supposed to be time for Monday Night Football but when I turn it to ESPN all I see is…” But Trey is cut off.  He goes pale white and his jaw drops at their response.

“Sir… this IS Monday Night Football.” The representative informs Trey.  Trey turns to the TV.  It shows The Cleveland Browns and Baltimore Ravens going in for half time with the score 0-0.  Trey begins to enter the seven stages of grief.  First denial.

“No.  No it isn’t.  You’re lying.  Switch it over to the real game!” Then the Pain and guilt.  Trey begins to shake.  Then comes the bargaining.

“Well… could you just replay the Pats-Colts game?  No?  Please?”  Trey hangs up the phone.  Then comes stage 4.  Loneliness.  Trey stares at the on screen program guide that reads Monday Night Football.  Trey clutches a pillow and tries to hold back the tears.

Now should come the upward turn.  Trey turns back on the TV.  On screen Cleveland blocks a Baltimore extra point.  Trey sobs and turns off the TV.  There will be no recovery tonight.  Trey is one of millions of fans who voiced their hurt and betrayal at ESPN for playing Baltimore vs. Cleveland in lieu of Monday Night Football.  One ESPN email server shut down after the wave of complaint emails hit.

ESPN Issued the Following Statement Tuesday Morning:

We here at ESPN constantly strive to bring you the highest level of sports entertainment.  The unfortunate events on Monday night that led to us broadcasting the Cleveland Browns versus Baltimore Ravens.  We are looking deep into our broadcast practices and standards to ensure that this never happens again.  Several things we are exploring:

• Contracting the Browns from the NFL
• Permanent ban of Brady Quin from television in general
• An Emergency override system that, at the push of a button, will switch the ESPN broadcast to something better than Browns-Ravens like Michael Jordan highlights, classic Super Bowl moments or even paint drying.
• Using Common Sense when Picking games for a National Broadcast

We offer our sincerest apologies and hope that you will continue to look to ESPN for your sports news and actions.

But that still doesn’t give Trey or the millions of other Americans their Monday night back.

They disabled embedding, for some ungodly reason. So follow the link and enjoy.

Philadelphia Eagles Lose: Good for the Giants to have division foe lose. Also a plus, Andy Reid is still coach in Philly.

Dallas Cowboys Lose: Good for the Giants to have division for lose. And how! Dallas looked horrible and they couldn’t rush the ball. Side note: the Giants are pretty good at stopping the rush.

Washington Redskins Win: Good for the Giants because they made the Denver Broncos look bad and the Giants have to play the Broncos, but now that game is significantly less scary and seems much more winnable.

New Orleans Saints Almost Lose: It would be too good to be true for the St. Louis Rams to win this one, but it was nice to see them make the Saints look less untouchable/more touchable/more available/easier to make a move on/these comparisons get so sexual so fast.

Carolina Panthers Win: Good for the Giants because the Panthers exploited some Atlanta weaknesses. Maybe, if the Giants can study the video and pull everything together, next week can be the rebirth of the season! Maybe… please?

Indianapolis Colts Win: Good for the Giants because we started the cool trend of the Patriots not being the wrecking ball hanging over the league.

Other notes from a Sunday of watching other teams play:

• Why are three of the best teams dome teams? This isn’t arena football!
• How do we judge most of the teams in the NFL? The Giants lost to the Eagles who lost to the Cowboys who lost to the Packers who lost to the Bucs who haven’t won any other games. But the first four teams in that list are possible playoff teams. The NFL: Never a dull season.
• What happened to Bill Belichick? Going for it on 4th and 2 I understand, but not from your own 30-yard line. I’m not just saying this because it didn’t work. I was yelling about this the second I realized Brady was still on the field. This was a really bad move. I don’t appreciate bad “go for it” calls on 4th and short cause it’s generally not a bad idea but with that field position, come on now. I firmly believe that Belichick made that decision for gambling problem purposes. He’s a cheater and a liar, it’s not a stretch to figure him for a gambler, too.

Every NFL team has a distinct identity.  Some are hopelessly lost, some have always been prosperous, some are on crack.  The same could be said for the female Pop Stars of the World.  Let’s try to figure out which Pop Stars are which NFL Team if for nothing else, than for the ability to make fun of a team by comparing them to Kelly Clarkson.

Washington Redskins Britney Spears

Remember back in the 90’s when they were good? Everyone liked them.  Then they went crazy.  Someone keeps irrationally throwing a LOT of money into producing them believing that they are going to turn the corner and have a hit soon.  Any real genuine problems that have can be fixed with money and band-aids.  She can’t sing?  Just put that I am T-Pain synthesizer on her voice.  Can’t play defense?  Just throw all of the money you have at Haynesworth.

New England Patriots Beyonce Knowles

Everything they do seems to come out right.  They have all sorts of records.  They’ve totally owned this decade.  There may be accusations of Diva-ness, but have totally earned the right to act like they’re hot shit.

Indianapolis Colts Christina Aguilera

You always think “OK, this is the year they take a Britney like nosedive into obscurity or irrelevance”, but they never do.  They always keep coming back with hits/good seasons and despite the similar formula, always seems to have good success.  Somehow they avoided the dreaded young pop star curse/1st QB drafted curse to become really successful.  Remember how many people thought Britney would totally have a better career than Christina?  Remember how many people thought Ryan Leaf was so much better than Peyton Manning?  Stupid call.

Detroit Lions Celine Dion

I’m sorry to all of my Michigan/Detroit friends, but Lions football is the Celine Dion of the NFL.  Its just painful.  You can blame Matt Millen.  You can blame Titanic.  What ever.  I don’t care whose fault it is, I just don’t want to be around it.

(Read the rest of the 32 teams’ Pop Stars after the jump):

Denver Broncos Macy Gray

They’ve always been good and on top.  I mean they just won the Super Bowl in like… 1998?  Really?  Its been over a decade?  At least we’re always in it.  We’re always in the conference championships and stuff, right?  Let me check.  We’ve won ONE playoff game this decade?  Come on!  And Macy Gray.  She’s always been around and rockin it.  I mean look at how many hit singles she’s had.  1 in the top 10?  That’s it?  But still, she’s really good.  She was just in Spider-Man.  And that was pretty recent, right?  2002?  Wow.

Pittsburgh Steelers Tori Amos

Really talented, but they just bore me to tears.  Seriously.  “The Patriots are playing.”  “Oooh!”  “The Defending Super Bowl Champion Steelers are playing.”  “Eh.”  “Beyonce has a new album coming out.” (If you’re a girl) “Ooooh!” “Tori Anus has a new album coming out.” “Eh.”  “She’s going to be naked in it.”  “Still Eh.”

Carolina Panthers Gwen Stefani

I don’t know what to make of them.  Sometimes they’re awesome (When they were in No Doubt, when they went to the Super Bowl).  Sometimes I don’t know what the fuck they are thinking (”The shit is bananas”?  Really?, “Jake Delhomme is the best we can do at QB”.  Really?)

Green Bay Packers Shakira

Wow.  Do they look good.  Like they have it all.  Sexy, blonde latina with hips like that.  She’s got an incredible voice.  Yet, still she comes out with She Wolf.  Aaron Rodgers, Jennings, Driver, AJ Hawk.  They should be awesome.  But why they hell isn’t it coming together?

New York Jets Lady Gaga

What the hell happened to us?  Weren’t we awesome like five minutes ago?  Now we may or may not have a penis.

Houston Texans Rihanna

Recent blows from Chris/Kris Brown are still stinging.

New York Giants Jessica Simpson

That’s right.  We fucked up the Cowboys 2007 season and aren’t apologizing for it.

Seattle Seahawks Taylor Swift

Came into their own during a contest (”American Idol”, 2006 Super Bowl).  Pretty good looking, but you never really think of them as important in the grand scheme of things.  Just when something goes right, some jackass comes and screws up their moment (Kanye at the VMAs, any of the 700 injuries they have had during the last few years).

Tennessee Titans Carrie Underwood

They’re both very Nashville.  They would both blow without Chris Johnson (because they have Vince Young and lost Albert Haynesworth/because they sing country music).

Tampa Bay Buccaneers Mary J. Blige

“Hey!  Didn’t you used to play music/football?”

Miami Dophins Fergie

Way more style than substance.  Fergie is part owner of the Miami Dolphins.  Very much style over substance.  Thinks they are WAY more innovative and ahead of the curve than they really are (Wildcat/Boom Boom Pow).  Have been known to pee their pants at inappropriate times.  Not because the Dolphins have.  Just wanted to take the opportunity to make fun of Fergie for doing so.

Baltimore Ravens Kelly Clarkson

Just because I think this one might piss off Rosolio the most.

San Francisco 49ers Lil’ Kim

After being gone for several years, there’s a possibility we might do something again!

Dallas Cowboys Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana

Only reason they keep pushing them on us is because their ancestors were huge (Billy Ray Cyrus/90’s Cowboys).  And because this is one of the most disparaging things I think I could write about the Cowboys.  Also had a suggestion for Babs Streisand since she was big in the 70’s and 90’s, but now doesn’t realize people are laughing at them and not with them.  But that would force me to post a picture of her here and I could never again view this page for fear of going blind.

OK.  What about this compromise…

Jacksonville Jaguars Sheryl Crow

They’re kind of the personification of “Average”.  They’re not good enough to be engaging.  Not bad enough to be easily mockable.

San Diego Chargers Amy Winehouse

On the surface things look fine.  Multiple Grammy winner.  That picture above looks pretty sexy.  Phil Rivers is awesome.  Vincent Jackson is tearing it up.  Shawne Merriman is a beast.  Then, you shake you head and see this…

HOLY HELL!  She is hideous!  She’s on so many narcotics her body might just explode.  Norv Turner is our coach and he is atrocious in the playoffs!  LaDainian Tomlinson is a broken shell of his former self!  We are so screwed!

New Orleans Saints Mariah Carey

Can hit those high notes.  If you hear they’re on TV, you’re always going to switch over to watch.  And if there’s a tape of one of them leaked to the internet engaged in adult activities with Kim Kardashian, its going to be downloaded about 7 billion times.

Buffalo Bills Jewel

How can you have that many hits in the 90’s and just disappear for the 00’s?

Arizona Cardinals Sara Bareilles

That’s good.  You had a real nice hit (”Love Song”, the 2009 Super Bowl).  Now its time to go back to no one knowing who you are.  Thanks for playing.

Atlanta Falcons Jordin Sparks

Kind of new to the scene.  People seem to like them a lot.  But I’ll be honest, I haven’t seen enough of either of them to say anything witty or insightful.

Kansas City Chiefs Jennifer Lopez

If you don’t have something nice to say about someone, then don’t say anything at all.  Or wait until you think of something really funny.  There’s something there to make fun of with Anaconda, Monster-in-Law, Ryan Sims, “Jenny From The Block”, Brodie Croyle, Maid in Hanhattan and Tamba Hali, but I’m still looking for it.  They both have a lot of those just head scratching good idea/bad execution moves that leaves you wondering if there’s any living tissue between their ears.  Like making a film(good idea) Gigli (bad execution).  (From wikipedia of Gigli director Martin Brest: Brest wrote and directed Gigli, starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. His career subsequently ended.)  Like wanting to go on a youth movement and trading players for pick (good idea), but the player you trade is Jared Allen who is 25 and led the league in sacks (bad execution).  Taking some time off of music to make films(good idea), but you end up making Jersey Girl, Maid in Manhattan and Monster-in-Law (bad execution).  Deciding to revamp your offense and bring in Matt Cassel (good idea), but then selling off the greatest target you would have for Matt Cassel (bad execution).  Signing your All-Pro running back to a long term contract (good idea), just after running him into the ground with 416 carries (bad execution).

Oakland Raiders Whitney Houston

This is what your NFL Team/Pop Star looks like on crack.  Any questions?

Cincinnati Bengals P!nk

Little bit spunky & punky.  Always trying to poke fun at their institutions (P!nk with mainstream pop, Ochocinco with the NFL front office).  Never have and probably never will win anything of substance.

Philadelphia Eagles Alicia Keys

You always forget “Hey.  They’re actually pretty talented.”  “How are the Eagles leading their division?  Oh yeah.  They don’t suck.”  “Why the hell is Alicia Keys dueting with Jay-Z?  Oh yeah.  Because she doesn’t suck.”  If you sat for an hour and listed out all of the great pop singers and NFL teams, Keys and the Eagles would be the ones you forgot in the end.

Cleveland Browns Serabee

Serabee had the free single on iTunes this week.  Its just awful.  There is nothing redeeming about it.  Its bland, has no focus, no energy and no talent.  And damn you Apple for trying to force it upon us with the discount price of “Free”.  Much like Monday Night Football trying to push Cleveland on us this week against Baltimore.  No one wants to listen to/watch that.  I don’t think you’re a real Pop Star/NFL team and don’t deserve to be in the same conversation with the others.  That’s why you are being compared to Serabee/Cleveland.

Minnesota Vikings Missy Elliot

They’re really good at what they do, but I really don’t want to see them naked.

Chicago Bears Katy Perry

One really good hit (”I Kissed A Girl”, 2005 Season) and people keep waiting for me to do something interesting.  But I’m not going to, since I really don’t have any sort of imagination.  Come on.  Either get back to doing the lesbian pop or stop making songs.  “You change your mind like a girl changes clothes.”  Oh my lord just shoot me.

St. Louis Rams Madonna

They used to look pretty good, now they just seem gross.

As always, this is totally open for debate.  Do so below.