BRISTOL (AP) - Little Trey Huguley is an average guy.  He has an average job.  And like most average guys, he likes coming home after a long day of work on Monday to Monday Night Football.  This Monday was no different.  Trey settled into his La-Z-Boy recliner, popped open a beer and turned on the TV.

“What the @$#% is this?” Trey exclaimed when he saw what was on TV.  He checked his watch and his program guide.  It was the time and channel for Monday Night Football, but sadly there was no football on.

Only the Ravens vs. the Browns.

Trey proceeded to call up his local cable company.  After a long hold, Trey began to get antsy as it was coming up on time for the end of the first quarter and the last thing he wanted to do was miss some real football.  When the cable company representative came on, they mentioned that they were flooded with calls about the situation and they were looking into it.  They assured Trey that they had checked their connections and this was the proper ESPN feed.  The problem had to be on the ESPN end of things.

Rather than spend an evening without football, Trey spent the next hour on hold.  Finally he got through.

“Hi.  My name is Trey and I’m calling to ask why there’s not football on.  Its supposed to be time for Monday Night Football but when I turn it to ESPN all I see is…” But Trey is cut off.  He goes pale white and his jaw drops at their response.

“Sir… this IS Monday Night Football.” The representative informs Trey.  Trey turns to the TV.  It shows The Cleveland Browns and Baltimore Ravens going in for half time with the score 0-0.  Trey begins to enter the seven stages of grief.  First denial.

“No.  No it isn’t.  You’re lying.  Switch it over to the real game!” Then the Pain and guilt.  Trey begins to shake.  Then comes the bargaining.

“Well… could you just replay the Pats-Colts game?  No?  Please?”  Trey hangs up the phone.  Then comes stage 4.  Loneliness.  Trey stares at the on screen program guide that reads Monday Night Football.  Trey clutches a pillow and tries to hold back the tears.

Now should come the upward turn.  Trey turns back on the TV.  On screen Cleveland blocks a Baltimore extra point.  Trey sobs and turns off the TV.  There will be no recovery tonight.  Trey is one of millions of fans who voiced their hurt and betrayal at ESPN for playing Baltimore vs. Cleveland in lieu of Monday Night Football.  One ESPN email server shut down after the wave of complaint emails hit.

ESPN Issued the Following Statement Tuesday Morning:

We here at ESPN constantly strive to bring you the highest level of sports entertainment.  The unfortunate events on Monday night that led to us broadcasting the Cleveland Browns versus Baltimore Ravens.  We are looking deep into our broadcast practices and standards to ensure that this never happens again.  Several things we are exploring:

• Contracting the Browns from the NFL
• Permanent ban of Brady Quin from television in general
• An Emergency override system that, at the push of a button, will switch the ESPN broadcast to something better than Browns-Ravens like Michael Jordan highlights, classic Super Bowl moments or even paint drying.
• Using Common Sense when Picking games for a National Broadcast

We offer our sincerest apologies and hope that you will continue to look to ESPN for your sports news and actions.

But that still doesn’t give Trey or the millions of other Americans their Monday night back.

Considering the Giants had the day off, a lot went their way. Not only did the team not lose, but the Eagles and Cowboys did… which is always nice.

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Every NFL team has a distinct identity.  Some are hopelessly lost, some have always been prosperous, some are on crack.  The same could be said for the female Pop Stars of the World.  Let’s try to figure out which Pop Stars are which NFL Team if for nothing else, than for the ability to make fun of a team by comparing them to Kelly Clarkson.

Washington Redskins Britney Spears

Remember back in the 90’s when they were good? Everyone liked them.  Then they went crazy.  Someone keeps irrationally throwing a LOT of money into producing them believing that they are going to turn the corner and have a hit soon.  Any real genuine problems that have can be fixed with money and band-aids.  She can’t sing?  Just put that I am T-Pain synthesizer on her voice.  Can’t play defense?  Just throw all of the money you have at Haynesworth.

New England Patriots Beyonce Knowles

Everything they do seems to come out right.  They have all sorts of records.  They’ve totally owned this decade.  There may be accusations of Diva-ness, but have totally earned the right to act like they’re hot shit.

Indianapolis Colts Christina Aguilera

You always think “OK, this is the year they take a Britney like nosedive into obscurity or irrelevance”, but they never do.  They always keep coming back with hits/good seasons and despite the similar formula, always seems to have good success.  Somehow they avoided the dreaded young pop star curse/1st QB drafted curse to become really successful.  Remember how many people thought Britney would totally have a better career than Christina?  Remember how many people thought Ryan Leaf was so much better than Peyton Manning?  Stupid call.

Detroit Lions Celine Dion

I’m sorry to all of my Michigan/Detroit friends, but Lions football is the Celine Dion of the NFL.  Its just painful.  You can blame Matt Millen.  You can blame Titanic.  What ever.  I don’t care whose fault it is, I just don’t want to be around it.

(Read the rest of the 32 teams’ Pop Stars after the jump):

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The New York football Giants continued their shameless self-destruction in dramatic fashion by giving their Week 9 game to the San Diego Chargers. It’s not that the Giants don’t know how to win anymore, it’s that losing is just so much easier.

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A friend of mine asked me how it was that some tri-state area people are Giants fans and others Jets fans. I broke the question down the best way I could by explaining that there were many factors: it matters if you went to any games growing up, who your parents were fans of, where you grew up, if you constantly show off how proud you are that you know how to spell a four-letter word, if you have manners, if you have a criminal record, or if you are a masochist.

The Giants do have four times as many hall of famers, have been around for 35 more seasons then the Jets and there are actually Giants fans in parts of New England.

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Week Three… a new system and newfound arrogance. A bit of Horatio Alger in me these days, set up flawlessly for a violent fall from grace. Here comes a patented Rosolio 4-12 special!

BALTIMORE -13 over Cleveland

I’m not sure what the excuse will be this week if the Browns score more than 20 points, or score at all for that matter. But the Ravens – wow, this is weird to write – are the second best offense in the league. Oh and the Cleveland fans are learning what they knew so well in New York: the Belichick way only works if you’re Belichick.

Green Bay -6.5 over ST. LOUIS

There isn’t a compelling reason to take the Rams ever. Wait, they covered last weekend…and I took them. The Pack are trying to bounce back after getting embarrassed by Ochocinco’s Lambeau Leap. By the way, it took a good seventy plays before TV executives started tiling out the Green Bay fan’s bird. The Rams suck.

NY Giants –6.5 over TAMPA BAY

Kind of a similar deal as above: a really good team against a really bad one. There are very few mediocre teams in the league these days, which gives you a lot of these kinda games. I don’t see a way that the Bucs can beat the G-men or even keep it moderately close. Does anyone else think that whoever is coach the Bucs always looks like he’s on vacation? Like he won the Monopoly game and gets to coach an NFL franchise for 2-3 years?

PHILADELPHIA over Kansas City

Whoa, weird and wonky line! Kevin Kolb vs Matt Cassel. This has trap written all over it. Secretly, the Eagles might not be any good. But the Chiefs are open about their badness. Do you stand for goodness or badness? “I want to be good,” says Todd Haley. “Well you’re not,” says Smails. “How about a Fresca?”

Tennessee +3 over NY JETS

Yeah, I’m a believer. Rex Ryan has turned the Jets into the Ravens from last year. They’re just ridiculously tough and mean. Darrelle Revis is ridiculous. But… they’re 2-0 against teams that can’t run inside. That’s all Tennessee can do. Plus, if they lose this week, their season’s over. I’ll take desperation.

DETROIT +6.5 over Washington

This has become the upset lock of the year out on the internets, and that’s as good as any of a reason to go the other way. But the Redskins have scored one touchdown this season and couldn’t score any at home against the Rams. The one thing you know you’ll get from the Lions is one 60 yard Calvin Johnson tuddy. The Redskins, ladies and gentlemen, are about to descend into the record books. Zorn is fired on Tuesday.

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