DENVER - THE ALTERNATE FUTURE - One person is dead and several remain in critical condition as chaos broke out this Monday in Denver’s Pepsi Center during Game 4 of the heated playoff series between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Denver Nuggets. Although there had been much speculation on the threats made by WWE CEO Vince McMahon towards Nuggets owner Stanley Kroenke and NBA Commissioner David Stern for cancelling that nights previously scheduled WWE RAW in favor of the playoff match, the game began as usual. But, seconds after the third quarter began with the Nuggets leading 46-44, the lights in the arena dimmed as a booming voice came over the house PA. “I told you ‘You would pay’, Kroenche!” echoed throughout the Pepsi Center as a series of unexpected pyrotechnics erupted by the locker room gate. Read More

Money Money Money…

…No Money

With the United States slowly slipping into the depths of a complete economic recession amid rising fuel costs, a credit crisis and a housing market teetering on the brink of a complete collapse, one would think that the rich would still thrive while the poor simply had to push their cars to work. However, it seems that even the rich are feeling the steely grip of economic recession.

“Everyone’s got a price,” The Million Dollar man used to eloquently state to opponents such as Rowdy Roddy Piper and Superfly Jimmy Snuka right before he struck them in the face with a folding chair. “Everyone’s got to pay.”

Sadly, now it looks like it’s Mr. DiBiase himself, who has taken a folding chair to his face, as the US economic meltdown has left him almost penniless. The only thing folding in former “King of the Rings” life right now is his fledgling Million Dollar Corporation. Read More

     In what was probably prime-time’s biggest fight since Donald and Rosie on The View, Kimbo Slice pummeled and puree’d James Thompson’s ear on Saturday night.  While cable networks like SpikeTV are well primed for such violent programming, prime-time networks like CBS and its Andy "I hate Borat" Rooney  television fare may not be. 

     For the past several weeks, critics and pundits have been abuzz with predicting the outcome of hosting such a melee on CBS, but Chairman of the Board, Sumner Redstone stuck by his guns, saying that Les Moonves calls the shots at CBS.  However, Sunday morning, insider sources (aka Redstone’s house keeper) said her boss was aghast that a man’s ear exploded on national television.  "He was cheering, booing and crying all at the same time," she said in an off-the-record conversation with the estate’s plumber. 

    Advertisers and consultants alike have had a hard time getting their heads around the placement of the event, but "Anyone who thinks CBS will not come out of this with some kind of black eye is fooling themselves," says Marc Ganis, president of SportCorp, a consulting firm.  However, CBS’s scheduling guru Kelly Khal said to TIME magazine, "We’re juiced for this…MMA is something worth betting on." 

    In that one statement, we can now see that CBS is not only condoning the "human cockfighting" sport, but also securing their bets by "juicing" their ahtletes.  For that, Sumner Redstone has called CBS chief Les Moonves into the ring.  After Slice landed a few well placed right hooks to Thompson’s ear, Redstone could be seen climbing to the top of the cage, pointing at Moonves and shouting the ritual chant in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.  "Kali Ma, Shakti Da" he repeated, beating his chest and pointing ominously at the timid Moonves.

   Ordinary pacifist Moonves, unavailable for comment, says, "What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, and if Ol’ Red wants to lay down his life, then so be it."    Moonves claims to have been training for the last several months saying, "When you put good television on CBS, you’re gonna get fired.  So naturally, I am preparing myself for war as I take MMA to the next level on prime time."   

   The match is scheduled for June 31, 2008.  Here is a preview of the showdown. Vince McMahon plays Redstone, Stone Cold Steve Austin channels Sumner, and Howard Stern makes an appearance.  "We’re gonna settle this in a deathmatch ring!"

Tonight, Ric Flair retired from professional wrestling after a career spanning over 30 years. While I haven’t watched wrasslin’ in over a decade, Flair was always a preeminent character in a landscape where personality ruled. No one did it better. So, while the blonde hair and the glittery robes may be a thing of the past, let us hail “The Nature Boy” for his contributions to sports entertainment… and for giving grown men an excuse to parade around in spandex. Suck on that Bon Jovi!

I am an unabashed Philadelphia Phillies fan, so opening day always brings immense joy followed by unbelievable pain. Today’s up-and-down loss to the Washington Nationals was no different.

But at least I got to be proven right amongst my circle of Phillie fan friends — as I often am when it comes to the front office’s often boneheaded decisions.

When the Phillies signed former Giants third baseman Pedro Feliz to a contract this offseason, it was lauded as a move that would give the Phils the pop they needed from third base and a fancy glove, to boot, supposedly replacing defensive wizard  Abraham Nunez with a guy who wasn’t a black hole in the lineup.

Immediately, I said the traditional thinking was wrong, and that Feliz was a terrible hitter despite his decently impressive power numbers. The numbers prove me pretty much right, at least, showing how overrated the home run is in baseball if the guy can’t do anything else. Feliz can’t take a walk, and makes more outs than pretty much everyone in the sport. In baseball, a hitter’s job is to not get out, and Feliz does that worse than almost every other player. It’s insane. I mean, in 2007, Feliz had a lower on-base percentage than Nunez, which is practically certifiably impossible for a guy that hit 20 dingers.

Today, Feliz’s stellar line: 0-4, GIDP, 2K, 3 men left on base

The guy is a jabroni. Plain and simple. Feliz is a guy that can single-handedly bring that word back into the limelight.

Rock, we miss you.

     As Orlando Florida prepares for the World Wrestling Entertainment WrestleMania XXIV, Mayor Buddy Dyer has put the nipple-nix on Triple H, John Cena, Randy Orton, Edge, The Undertaker, The Big Show, and Pretty Boy Floyd Maywether.  

     Gloria Allred could not be reached for comment.

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Randy Couture has resigned from professional fighting by sending the UFC offices a fax from South Africa. Couture has moved his professional career to acting and is currently shooting a movie in South Africa. Couture notes that a main reason he decided to retire was the disrespect he had gotten from the UFC organization. He says Dana White, UFC president, was telling him that he was getting paid second-most out of all UFC fighters but, in reality, he wasn’t. Couture notes he was also not given a premiere pay-per-view fight that is to be scheduled soon. Let’s just hope Randy doesn’t make it to the acting ranks that Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson did. Or else we may in for a long winter of shitty action movies with a lot of fluke chances and head being bashed in. And that was before The Rock made it to drama and comedy film.