We are now in the Dead Zone. The U.S. Open has just concluded (Tiger did not win but Phil performed his folderama so at the least the Universe makes half-sense), the never-ending NBA and NHL playoffs have finally ended and the NCAA football and basketball championships are but a distant memory (who won?). Not even the NFL can fill in the Dead Zone in its quest of an all-year season although all are trying their best with the latest Brett Favre Watch and other drivel. Tennis has two meaningful matches a year and Federer wins. Soccer at its highest level is fun to watch for a few minutes but it is soccer. The WNBA is not an option.

Unless you live in one of four or five cities, baseball, the American past-time (and I emphasize “past”) is of little or no interest to most of us who do not have owners willing to spend $100 million plus to try to buy a championship. Even if you dare go to a game on a nice summer night, I defy anyone to actually watch an entire baseball game on television for nine innings without taking a nap (induced or otherwise) or surf the Net or feed the cat (repeatedly). It is almost impossible to watch grown men in uniforms just stare at one another for long periods of time between a few seconds of action and ED commercials.

Even the sportswriters feel the pain in the Dead Zone. Do we really care about the human interest story of the undrafted free agent rookie on the Ravens/Giants/Eagles (pick any team) who will get cut before the second exhibition game? I believe that the weekly leaks on the baseball steroids abusers are not coming from the Justice Department, but rather from some sports desk editor desperately trying to find something interesting to write about for his shrinking readership. Read More

Brett Favre is no stranger to working against the clock.  However, his most recent challenge is the deadline imposed by the Minnesota Vikings head coach, Brad Childress, that will require him to make his decision about playing in the 2009 season by the end of the week.  Surely, Favre is experiencing a bit of stress.  I’m here to let him know that deadlines are not what they used to be.  If you miss one, you will by no means end up dead.  In fact, there are several ways for Favre to get around the deadline and buy himself some more time.

1. Send your decision in the form of an email attachment, but “accidentally” attach the wrong file.  Make the decision while waiting for the Vikings to email back saying it’s the wrong attachment.  Say sorry in the reply and send the real decision.

2. Announce a death in the family shortly before the deadline.  The Vikings will probably assume that it’s a lie, but if they anything less than understanding, scream, “How dare you!” and storm off.  Out of fear of looking insensitive, they’ll give you a little more time. Read More

The Detroit Lions, who went 0-16 last season, have a new, beefed up look for the 2009-2010 season.  The Lions will have Honolulu blue uniforms with a bolder logo and team name.  First, it is surprising that there is actually money to be found in Detroit with the dying American automotive industry.  But keep in mind that this upgrade is only a superficial one.  The personel has changed very little and it will likely show when they take the field in the upcoming months.  Fancy outfits don’t turn haggard, ragtag whores into classy ladies and new uniforms don’t turn haggard, ragtag teams into winners.

“I’ve fallen cause I got too drunk!”

New Orleans Tight End Jeremy Shockey took a quick trip to the hospital Sunday where he was treated for dehydration after he was found unconscious. No surgery to remove his pride was necessary.

Read More

If you are excited that former Atlanta Falcons star Michael Vick is out of jail, you’re probably a cat person.
Read More

As of yesterday, the new $1.1 billion Dallas Cowboys stadium has a name, “Cowboys Stadium,” a creative reinvention of the former venue’s name, “Texas Stadium.”
Read More

Brett Farve is herpes, and the beginning of the off-season is the only time of year we get a quick dose of Valtrex. Read More

We’ve all heard by now. Brett Favre is meeting at an undisclosed location in Mississippi to talk to Brad Childress about supplanting The Sage as the quarterback of the Vikings. Minnesota would probably instantly become the favorites in the division despite Favre meaning bucketloads of pick sixes and the occassional deep ball that everyone (including the linemen) think is a handoff to AP.

The stint with the Jets did a number to Favre’s immaculate legacy. This would absolutely drag it through a muddy, murky, pit of hippo flop. People don’t understand the magnitude of this, of what Packers fans must be feeling to see their favorite son potentially headed to a division rival. So here are a few regional examples to give you an idea, no matter where you are:

Baltimore: Cal Ripken Jr. announces a lifelong dream to pitch for the New York Yankees and is revealed to be lactose intolerant.

Boston: Larry Bird joins the Lakers and is caught making out with Pat Riley when the Heat come to town.

Read More

A storm is gathering in the fairytale land of Michigan Football.

In the mythical village of Ann Arbor, strange happenings are afoot. Seasoned players are jumping ship left and right, but Captain RichRod is not concerned – he’s got a new recruit.
Read More

When the going gets tough, the tough get reality.

Fallen star and PETA enemy Michael Vick is trying to be more productive than the average license-plate-producing inmate. He is looking for a reality television deal to follow his life as he tries to salvage his existence once he is released from prison on July 20th.

Read More