CELEBRITY
GAMING
MOVIESConsidering the Giants had the day off, a lot went their way. Not only did the team not lose, but the Eagles and Cowboys did… which is always nice.
After week 2 in the NFL, Florida, Missouri, and Ohio are a combined 1-13. The downside of being a swing state.
Ohio: 1-3 (Browns 0-2, Bengals 1-1)
Florida: (Dolphins 0-2, Bucs 0-2, Jags 0-2))
Missouri: (Rams 0-2, Chiefs 0-2)
the next several weeks (until Big Blue blows someone out, or blows a game).One of these days, Europeans will finally catch on to the glory that is football (or “American Football,” as they like to call it). But given their current methods of promoting our divine recreational pastime, I’m not surprised that it has not caught on thus far.
Behold, the new ad for the Dusseldorf Panther (no S), one of Germany’s premiere American Football teams. The Europeans must thing we’re idiots, swallowing oddly-shaped soccer balls and losing them in hollow arms. If Americans still didn’t start buying soccer tickets after seeing giant ads featuring David & Victoria Beckham in their skivvies, I doubt Germans are going to buy up Panther tickets because of a cringe-inducing ad implying a massive surgical mishap.
As the teams line up for kickoff, the slow tolling a the AC/DC “Hells Bells” blast through Giants Stadium to ring in the game and the new season. Read More
As most of you know, Maya Angelou and I tend run in the same circles. We are both North Carolina poets and wordsmiths. We are both held in the highest regards by other esteemed writers and laureates from throughout this great country. From the President of the United States all the way down to the drunken hobos that live behind the Sunoco down the street from my house.
In order to fully prepare for the upcoming NFL season, I asked her to write a few words about the fate of a few of the teams. And here, you lucky Lampoon readers, are her predictions for the 2009-10 NFL Season,
The Cowboys
Romo-thou art not a failure
Fumbulicious, maybe still
Play-offs still haunt your dreams
No longer necessary on special teams Read More
In an attempt to offer a non-story to attract People or US Magazine readers to the once highly regarded circulation that is the Wall Street Journal, the daily publication listed top 10 best-looking NFL quarterbacks, ranked by how symmetrical their faces are. But the statistics just may prove that the science of beauty is not as accurate or fun as the practice of ranking looks by creative opinion.
Of course, Brett Favre has signed a deal with the Minnesota Vikings as the local “Look at me, I can’t live without attention” guy.
I support paying Eli Manning like he’s some soccer star because hey, he won THE Superbowl Championship of all Superbowl Championships. Do you remember how undefeated those Patriots were? 
