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MOVIESExclusive video showing the reaction of CBS and ESPN executives upon finding out that Tiger Woods will return at the Masters.
There are many things to love about sports. One is that they are cut and dry; mediocre standups can wait in line at open mics for years, chasing a delusional dream until their “What’s the deal with lawn darts?” bit no longer flies. But in sports, if you can’t bench 300 pounds and run a sub 5 forty, you have no hope of even sniffing the NFL. Another great thing is that they’ve become a fusion of athletic prowess and business acumen, with wiser teams staying competitive longer.
But the best thing about sports is that there are no foregone conclusions.
Years ago, the fact that Tiger Woods would become the all-time majors winner was considered to be exactly that. But a funny thing happened on the way to history. Tiger got hurt. Yes, everyone’s been downplaying the injury and using their breath instead to laud the heroic round at the US Open that led to said operation. But Tiger Woods is still four majors short of tying Jack Nicklaus. And he just missed the cut at the British Open.
This is not cause for ultimate disaster alarm. Tiger could very well play for another ten years and still get the precious few wins he needs to become the greatest golfer of all time. But the man is mortal. And he didn’t used to be. Vegas had him at nearly even money, above every other golfer and the field. Now? He’s just another guy out there.
While we wait and see if Tiger’s knee can hold up to hoist five more trophies, how about a little late love for the Golden Bear?
A mysterious eye problem has sidelined vivacious European Tour player Robert Karlsson from next week’s British Open. The Swede wedger has apparently contracted a harsh case of “googly eyes”, causing him to drop out of the Open over fears of terrifying female fans present at the event.
“I don’t know why it happened, but it has affected my life on and off the golf course,” Karlsson told us on Tuesday morning. “If I’m in the vicinity of a woman, she automatically thinks that I’m checking her out! How can I deny it with my eyes this big?”
Karlsson’s caddy, Sven Svensson, also felt it best that the 38-year-old knocker stay out of sight until his condition can be diagnosed and treated. “He would freak out the other players and I think the officials would be called a lot,” said Svensson. “And the women spectators… you don’t want them heckling you and calling you a pervert while trying to play. Bad scene, man. Bad scene”
Karlsson is scheduled to meet with his doctor on Thursday, and he has high hopes of getting back to his passion very soon. “I hope there is a cure and I can get back to what I love,” Karlsson quipped as he was led to his car by his caddy. “Which is scoping out women without them knowing, of course.”
In an experiment for Sports Science, three-time major winning golfer Padraig Harrington recently attempted the Happy Gilmore swing – wherein one runs and slap shots the golf ball. Harrington was amazed when the swing added an extra 30 yards to his drive.
Sure, the swing is a breach of classic golf etiquette, inaccurate, and potentially dangerous to the spine. But this momentous outcome has the sports world excited. What other movies hold golden opportunities for the real world of sports?
The Flying V – The Mighty Ducks
I suggest the Anaheim Ducks drop behind the net, move into formation, and start the play that conquered not only the Hawks, but also Team Iceland. Too bad the move is totally illegal. The players in front of the V are using interference, and the move is absolutely off sides.
The incessant rain this morning at Bethpage may have soured the spirits of golfers eager to hit the links for the U.S. Open, but some lucky golf fans (center) took advantage of the flash floods and landed a 175-pound Thai arapaima. It is uknown how a fish native to Thailand’s rivers made the trip to New York, but it is most likely a Tiger Woods fan.
This tribute to Tiger Woods (and surprisingly Kansas Jayhawks head football coach Mark Mangino) recalls the glory days when seeing Tiger in red meant another great Sunday round and probably a victory. Props to the creator “LSUfreek.” Freaky indeed…
Click here to see Tiger in action!
Golf and baseball have common ground as both are based on a stick and ball contact premise played outside and are canceled for bad weather. The main difference between the two is that baseball is a sport and golf is crap.
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A great golfer once said, if you get a hole-in-one you’re lucky; if you get it close, you’re good.
This video of Vijay Singh skipping his ball across the pond and directly into the hole on Augusta’s par 3 Redbud hole thus make Vijay the luckiest man in the world…by the transitive property (thanks 8th grade math!)
Thanks to Andres Lopez for having his camera in video mode, Video was shot on Tuesday April 07, 2009 at Augusta National Golf Course during Tuesday’s practice round on hole 16 (170 yard Par 3 Redbud) which is played entirely over water. After players hit their approach shot, they are persuaded (rather loudly) by the crowd to skip a ball over the pond onto the green , much like you would skip a rock over water, but they are using a club and a golf ball. It just so happen today that Vijay skips a ball over the water and into the hole in a single shot. Vijay begins about 25 seconds into the video…
John Daly was arrested after being found “extremely intoxicated and uncooperative” outside of a Winston-Salem, North Carolina area Hooters. This is a sad incident for one of America’s greatest and most longstanding partnerships, fat guys looking for distraction, and the business that caters to these needs.
Daly and Hooters go way back as he started his career on the TC Jordan/Hooters Professional Golf Tour. Clearly this incident was just Daly trying to make good on his 2005 effort to “formalize my relationship with the Hooters folks. We have been working together at the local store level for a number of years and it is really a perfect fit for me.” In this case perfect fit must refer to the chain’s plus sized seating section and extra large beer portions. Daly should have known that recognizing waitresses by their cup sizes does not count as working together at the local store level.
Even before they made their partnership official in 2005 Daly realized “the fans and media already view me as a spokesperson for Hooters because of the appearances I’ve made with the merchandise trailer through the years. Now I get to speak for all the restaurants and the million-plus guests a week that go through their doors.” However, it is safe to assume Hooter’s wasn’t expecting that speech to be a slurred assault on the Hooter’s waitresses and the local police department. The media clearly recognized Daly’s status as the epitome of fat slobbery, and made the connection back to Hooters, not a stretch by any means.
What this means for the rest of us is that it is time to bring your John Daly “Hooters Grip It & Rip It” t-shirt out of the closet and visit your local Hooters. Ask for the John Daly special, it’s a gallon of beer, a pound of wings, and a seat in the dumpster out back, arrest is optional.
