CELEBRITY
GAMING
MOVIESI’m in a worse free fall right now than Rob’s blood sugar pre-TheraFlu. By the way, Rob: the way you felt during your flu? That’s how it feels to watch Hines Ward win a Super Bowl. I hope you’ve seen the light.
So I kinda almost want to amend the Club rules. Like… no one in their right mind should have given 17 points in an NFL game. That was just nuts. But I’ve reevaluated the tiers in the league and think my newfound clarity will get me back on track. Or it could be that good teams are playing other good teams now. Or that there are almost no good teams in the league. By my last count, there are only eight. Awesome.
ATLANTA -10 over Washington
Atlanta desperately needs to bounce back from the near-win in New Orleans to stay in the NFC playoff picture. Usually bye weeks help a team. The latest out of DC is that the owner has banned signs, further alienating a fanbase that is deep, but often distracted. The Redskins have treated their fans so badly that DC is a hockey town now. Here’s a great article about the disarray in DC. My favorite part is when the scout describes Fred Davis as “too dumb for the NFL” and Jason Campbell as “dumber than Fred Davis.” Samsonite!
Green Bay -10 over TAMPA BAY
Here’s how bad the Bucs are. I don’t think Green Bay is any good. In fact, I think Aaron Rodgers may be a middle-of-the-pack at best quarterback. He holds on to the ball way too long. That being said, the Buccaneers are the only winless team remaining and are throwing their rookie quarterback to the wolves. The Packer defense should cover this themselves.
Baltimore -3 over CINCINNATI
I don’t want to talk about it.
Houston +9 over INDIANAPOLIS
It’s picks like this that have demolished my big lead. But this is Houston’s Super Bowl. And the Colts have the Pats after their bye. Why shouldn’t they overlook this one? And did anyone notice that Indy can’t run the ball? They won’t need to against most teams, but… rationalizing, rationalizing, rationalizing, vomit.
Miami +10.5 over NEW ENGLAND
Awesome, let’s do this twice. The Patriots blew out two terrible teams. The rest of their games were all competitive. And the Dolphins are masters at keeping any game close. I also love the idea of the Dolphins winning every division game and losing the rest. By the way, how crappy is this division all of a sudden? Read More
The 2009 New York Yankees are World Champions! Alex Rodriguez (seen above making out with himself) wins his first Championship Ring despite being an admitted steroid user. Much like any big, evil corporation in so many movies, the Yankees use the greenback to get to the top. The Phillies were a noble, scrappy underdog filled with likable guys like Ryan Howard, Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins and Raul Ibanez. The heart and face of the Yankees* dated Madonna and is a cheater. Most of the time, the good guys triumph (2003 Marlins over Yankees, 2001 Diamondbacks over Yankees, 81 Dodges over Yankees). But this is one of those rare times when history or pop culture allows the bad guy come out on top, but here are some of the greatest examples:
10. The Guys Who Brought You Scary Movie, Date Movie and Disaster Movie over Good Enertainment
Spy Hard. Date Movie. Epic Movie. Disaster Movie. Meet the Spartans.
Avarage imdb.com rating of those films: 2.7
From imdb: They’ve also written and sold several other spoof comedy scripts, such as; “Raunchy Movie” and “Remembering the Titans On Any Given Sunday Gives Me The Varsity Blues”.
Those guys are millionaires and “Firefly” only got 1 season. There is no God.
9. The Little League Yankees over the Bad News Bears
They were the ultimate underdogs. A team made up of kids who weren’t good enough to make other rosters. They were coached by a drunk, ex-major league pitcher. They had no talent and were poorly coached. After several embarrassing losses and adding a few ringers, they climbed out of the gutter and up to the championship against the Evil, Evil, Evil Yankees.
In the championship game, the Yankees tried to bean the Bears, they get in fights and generally play dirty. The evil porn ’stache sportin’ manager of the Yankees even goes as far as smacking the shit out of his kid on the pitching mound in the middle of the game. Meanwhile, Walter Matthau learns the true spirit of Christmasbaseball and puts in his scrubs so they have a chance to play because its not about winning.
They keep it close. Kelly leak then hits a deep shot to right field. the bases clear. Kelly Leak slides in to home to tie the game at 7.
But he’s out.
The child abuser and evil Yankees take the big trophy. They’re still dickwads, though.
(Rest after the break)…
The New York Yankees win their 27th World Championship. The Bronx is back and bombing, baby!
Tiers Part II
We first asked the question around Week 4. Four weeks later, a whole lot has changed already. We saw the birth of The Club, the death of the New York Super Bowl, and the Ravens lose three and then get one back. We’ll go over this in podcast, and by that I mean I’ll argue with Rob Slattery about it. But here’s my best bet of breaking down the Tiers in the NFL. To show you how much has changed, the previous tier is in parentheses.
Five Stars - The Favorites
-New Orleans Saints (8-0): They’re just ridiculous. As good as the Greatest Show Rams with a whole lot more defense. That supercedes alphatetical order. Not even another Katrina could stop these guys (5).
-Indianapolis Colts (7-0): They’re undefeated. Having been tested twice by middle of the pack teams (Jags and Niners), you can’t argue with the record. (5)
-Minnesota Vikings (7-1): They probably don’t belong here because Favre’s health is a ticking time bomb and they have a loss on the docket. But they were very nearly undefeated. (4) Read More
This is fun. Vikes running back Naufahu Tahi was knocked out of the game after wrestling with Adrian Peterson, the guy for whom he lead blocks. Turns out Tahi forgot AP was part lizard.
Minutes after Meb Keflezighi became the first American in nearly 30 years to win the New York Marathon, Steve Schwarz became the first Chinese-born man to win the Beijing marathon in as many.
“This means so much to me, y’all,” said Schwartz, running his hands through his red hair. “I mean, sh*t. I feel so proud to be a Chinese.”
Schwartz, 6′3″, demolished the competition in just under three hours. He waved to his countrymen as he completed the race. Some of his adoring fans were chanting his nickname, ‘Opie,’ because of his uncanny resemblance to American TV star Ron Howard.
“Not sure ’bout that,” said Schwartz, as he ate a hot dog and a cherry coke. “I’m just proud to win this for my country, you know.”
Schwartz was unavailable for further comment because he does not speak Chinese.
Someone on the Philadelphia Phillies or the New York Yankees could be Mr. November…
Last week was my crap week. Hopefully I can bounce back and not go on a slide.
BALTIMORE –3.5 over Denver
This is a 90% homer pick. The idea of Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal blowing past the Baltimore corners is going to haunt me all week. Luckily, Kyle Orton can’t really throw the deep ball. I also have a weird feeling they got their act together. No tangible evidence. Such is the life of a homer.
Seattle +9.5 over DALLAS
Whoa, is this a lot of points. I admit, the Cowboys did look pretty good. Miles Austin has bigger gums than anyone I’ve seen in the league. They kept on replaying him smiling on the sideline and it was like a pink couch in his mouth over his teeth. That’s why I think Seattle will cover. This is why I crapped the sink last week.
DETROIT –3 over St. Louis
The Times They Are A Changin’! We’re laying points with the Lions! But the Rams are very much in the untouchable club. If they lose this one, they’re officially on O-fer watch (bye, Saints, Cardinals, Seahawks, Bears, Titans, Texans, Cardinals, Niners).
INDIANAPOLIS –12 over San Francisco
Peyton Manning is just ridiculous this year. And the reemergence…or rather first emergence… of Alex Smith makes the Niners better, but the Colts are just too damn good on offense. By the way, if Alex Smith has a great rest of the season, I’d argue he’s ineligible for Comeback Player because he was never here in the first place. Read More
