Everyone loves deleted scenes. Especially when they involve one of sports’ most notorious scumbags.

Look, I’m a Lakers fan and a Phil Jackson fan. I’m even a semi-believer in the Zen magic. Nine championships will do that to you. But because of this video, I’ve lost a lot of respect for the man. Not because Phil went on the Dog Whisperer. That’s a good show and Lord knows my dog (named Boumjte Boumjte after the former
Georgetown great) could use Cesar Milano’s help. And not because Phil appears to do everything Jeanie Buss tells him. After all, she’s really hot, posed in playboy and got Phil back from smoking pot in Montana to coach the Lakers. So that’s all good. My problem is with the dog. That little piece of s*** is softer than Kwame Brown and the Space Cadet (Vlad Rad-Man) combined. And it’s wearing clothes, a big no-no. Even Cesar says "Let’s take the jersey away." How can you expect Kobe to listen to a "pack leader" with a dog like that? Her name is princess and she’s afraid of German Shepherds. Enough said.

Holy s***, Steve Lavin’s wife is smoking hot. I realized this during the UCLA/Cal game last Saturday and it is so worth mentioning. As bad of a coach as Lavin was at Pauley Pavillion, he’s that good at marrying hot chics.

If I was Lavin, I’d get a Vasectomy during the NCAA tournament. It’s the cool thing to do apparently.

It’s ugly. That’s probably the best way to put it. It has three heads. It’s abnormally short. It has trouble scoring and causes a lot of turnovers.

It’s the trio of Clipper point guards. 

Brevin Knight, Dan Dickau and Andre Barrett. That’s the worst point guard rotation in the history of basketball. I’m not talking just about the NBA. My buddy’s AAU team has better point guards. Sam Cassell is a sure fire hall of famer when compared to the "monster."

Like Herman Edwards once said, "You play to win the game." But not with these guys. With these guys, you play just to play.

Worst player in the history of the Pac-10: Mitch Johnson (Stanford)
I know Mustafa Shakur is probably screaming at his computer right now from Belgium or Poland or whatever Eastern European country he’s hiding in, but Mitch Johnson stomps on the theory that you need a good point guard to be a good team. Blind announcers call Johnson steady. That’s code word for completely ineffective. With the Lopez twins inside, Johnson finds himself more open than the ticket register at Oregon State games, but he still managed to score zero points in 32 minutes against Washington State. He constantly gets beat off the dribble by opposing point guards (see Darren Collison Thursday) and when it comes to crunch time don’t expect him to make a play.
"We’re going to go as far as Mitch takes us," Stanford guard Anthony Goods said in February.
Uh-Oh.

The don’t call me, I’ll call you award (for exceeding my expectations): OJ Mayo (USC)

Mayo may have dropped in terms of draft status but he didn’t live up to the off-court hype, which is a very positive thing for his image (except for those rumors that he punched Daniel Hackett and broke his jaw, but that was preseason so we’ll excuse it, right?)
On the court, he may have put up a lot of shots, but he showed that he can play within a team, play both guard positions, and step up to the challenge. He outplayed Derrick Rose and Jerryd Bayless head to head on both ends of the floor. Barring him tossing the ball into the crowd after a dunk in his last game of the season, Mayo will leave USC on a high note, no pun intended.

The Isaiah Fox award for grand larceny: Pac-10 officiating

They say bad calls eventually even out. I guess that’s true for Stanford. The Cardinal stole a game from Arizona on two phantom calls, one on Jordan Hill’s fifth foul and one on Brook Lopez getting blocked. Then they got a taste of their own medicine against UCLA when for some inane reason Kevin Brill (no relation to Darren) called a foul on Lawrence Hill for what replays showed to be a completely block. Even more ridiculous was the fact there were two seconds left. Unless someone gets absolutely hammered, you’re supposed to let the players decide the game. Nice job Brill. For Stanford fans and betting aficionados, the result was even worse. Stanford was +8.5 and lost by 10 in overtime, thanks to a meaningless Darren Collison layup late in the game. I’m officially putting the Stanford campus on suicide watch.

The Where Have You Gone Joe DiMaggio Award: Washington

It seems like the Washington/Arizona battle for Pac-10 supremacy was just a few years ago. O, wait. It was just a few years ago. Maybe Cameron Dollar should do some more illegal recruiting because the Huskies recruits haven’t panned out too well. Losing Spencer Hawes to the NBA draft didn’t help, but every successful program must be able to overcome the loss of players leaving early.

The Official RPI Killers Award: Oregon State

Bubble teams everywhere who had Oregon State on their schedule are currently sobbing.

The Dan Gadzuric Award for best name change: Lorenzo Mata-Real

You know what adding an extra word to your name gets you? Less playing time. Congrats Lorenzo.

The Eugene Edgerson Award for best hair: (Tie) Russell Westbrook, Robin Lopez

Lopez tried to do his best Anderson Verejao impersonation while Westbrook had the flaming mohawk going (that sounds like a gay porn movie).

  This just in. Andruw Jones is Fat.

"Andruw Jones looks heavy. The newest Dodger centerfielder looks like the newest Dodgers wrestler," wrote Bill Plaschke in the LA Times."

Jones weighs 245 pounds, supposedly only 10 more than he weighed at his peak. At the beginning of last season, Jones dropped 15 pounds and played most of the season at 230 pounds, though judging by his belly that’s hard to believe. Jones said losing the weight actually hurt his power. So he decided to take the Boris Diaw challenge and hit the buffet.

"I ate what I wanted, I did what I wanted," Jones said of his winter. "I tried to get back to normal."

And now, whalaa. Jones may need to a bring a folding chair into the outfield to take breaks between pitches and the nachos guy in center field will have a little further to walk.

So this brings me to that 50 million pound challenge you’ve been seeing on commercials. I’m only inviting several athletes, who could take the challenge all by themselves.

Gilbert Brown:

The man did not have a neck. Instead, he had 12 chins. If you combine all the chins together you can make a neck. His body was just confused. He may be able to lose about half of the 50 million all by himself.

Post Seattle Shawn Kemp:

You would have thought he was the one having all those kids and not the baby’s mamas. The only thing stopping Kemp from procreating was a double cheeseburger.

Robert Traylor/Mike Sweetney:

The tractor was a good nickname for Traylor because he was that slow. Sweetney’s last name said it all. The man liked his sweets. At least Sweetney wasn’t traded for Dirk Nowitzki. So he has that going for him.

John Daly

I thought chain smoking would make you lose weight. I guess the beer more then compensates.

David Wells/John Kruk

Kruk once bought hot dogs during a game. He’s unofficially the fattest player in the history of the Phillies. Don’t be fooled by the Nutrisystem commercials. The great thing about Wells is that if someone hits a comebacker, it may get lost in his blubber.

Honorable mention: Prince Fielder (but he no longer eats meat.)

The Birdman is back. Reinstated by the NBA, all the antics of the NBA’s favorite high flying white drug user are back. Who could forget the time he missed eight dunks in the dunk contest before he could get one to go down?
Rather than reinstating him back into the NBA, Anderson should have been forced to participate in SemiPro. I mean if anyone is perfect for the ABA, it’s the Birdman and if anything could have made that movie not suck….well nothing could have made that movie not suck (this according to sources who saw the movie.) I had enough just from the commercials.

Ralph Lawler and Mike Smith don’t have too much to talk about these days. You see, they’re Clipper announcers and the Clippers are well…bad. So these are the type of conversations they have:

Lawler (to Smith): "The two of you have something similar in your resumes. Both former WAC players of the year, (Nick Fazekas) was three times."
Smith: "Make sure you understand WAC is spelled W-A-C not W-A-C-K."
Lawler: "I know how I’m spelling it because you are truly Wack."

Halftime was commercial free, also. Apparently advertisers think the Clippers are Wack.

That’s the name of a facebook group, not the caption for the photo of Roger Clemens at Jose Canseco’s party that has reportedly surfaced.
I wonder if Canseco posted the picture on facebook or myspace? The title of the album would probably be "Fun with HGH!"
In the comments section, Clemens could write "Hey Jose, remember the good ol times when we had fun with needles."

Here’s what people missed about the Jason Kidd trade to Dallas. It also means his son TJ and his mustache is coming to Dallas. TJ, the youngest person ever with a mustache (he had one at 2 months old) should be a nice addition to the squad as long as he doesn’t sit in the front row. Pencil mustache fans everywhere can’t be any more pleased.

Unfortunately, Joumana Kidd won’t be seen yelling insults from the front row.