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Miami Dolphins held their first ever “Take your daughter to work day” today, where employees of the organization were encouraged to bring their daughters and nieces under the age 12 to come be a part of the team for a very special father-daughter bonding experience.
The Dolphins haven’t had something go this terribly wrong since Ricky Williams claimed it was “Bong O’Clock” and essentially left the 2007 (1-15) season a joke that could only be told made funny by the likes of Cheech and Chong.
The day started out as a to show of love and support, with dolphins personnel showing their daughters the day-to-day operations of a professional football franchise. It was a day they hoped would introduce young women to a profession that has long been dominated by middle aged males in team visors and old curmudgeons chomping on cigars talking about the good ol’ days, when you were allowed to lay haymakers on refs, drink in the huddle and play both sides of the ball.
However, the day took a very ugly turn when a friendly scrimmage turned into an all-out war on the field, as Dolphin veterans turned cold when the niece of one of the trainers put a late hit on receiver Ted Ginn, Jr. From there, things just seemed to get out of hand. Read More
Golf is a pretty boring sport to watch. And even when playing with people you really enjoy spending time with, it can sometimes leave a player feeling empty inside. But, have you ever really listened to a golf commentator? A boring phrase can turn colorful and amusing if you just imagine that he may be describing something else…
Get long
I don’t have any idea where he was going with that one
Get. In. The. Hole.
Coming out of the rough hot and heavy
Be the right stick
Swallowed in the long grass
Bad choice of club for this hole location Read More
A lot of people throw out the saying “Off the reservation. For some of us, there was no reservation to begin with…”
Today, I am moving like Stephen Hawking on a stairmaster riding the wrong way on an escalator. Switching from Guinness to Jack Daniels in the middle of a night of drinking is like finally being OK with riding on a public bus to being OK with pulling said bus down the street using only your teeth. Magnus Magnusson, I am not.
I write this on the morning after Blogs With Balls…. Read More
Pandemonium erupted this morning at the usually tranquil ESPN offices in Bristol, Connecticut, when an associate producer for ESPN’s flagship “Sports Center” made a casual remark at the show’s morning meeting that at some point “Terrell Owens was going to retire.”
A handful of fires were reported and several people had to receive medical attention, as everyone in the room exploded into panic upon hearing that their own Public Enemy #1 would one day hang-up his cleats. Once that realization set in, the bedlam spilled out of the conference room and into the main offices, as employees were found chaotically trying to back-up files, taking baseball bats to camera equipment, some frantically trying to carry cardboard cutouts of Brett Favre to safety, and curmudgeon Skip Bayless even “accidentally” lit longtime friend of Sports Center commercials, Mr. Met’s, head on fire for being “an abomination to other more talented mascots.”
The biggest thing ruining professional sports isn’t greedy owners or greedy players, it’s quite simply the middleman. The sports agents are the people who are ruining sports. And the person that I feel we should all hold personally responsible for the insanity is the slimiest being this side of Ghostbusters. Sports agents are destroying the games we love. Feeding off the talent of others; people such as super-agent Scott Boras are slitting the throats of owners and fan bases for promises of greener pastures and more importantly for them, greener bank accounts.
The MLB Draft is fast approaching and this year’s story is power-pitching phenom Stephen Strasburg, who many feel super douche Scott Boras will make the Nationals (owners of the 1st pick) pay anywhere from $20-$50 million dollars for, by ignoring long standing MLB slotting rules and regulations.
Besides completely ruining the landscape of professional baseball, here are some other things that people might not know abut Scott Boras. These are like Chuck Norris facts, but with a 15% commission:
If literally smashing balls was a sport, Scott Boras would represent himself.
Scott Boras is the only sports agent that puts on rubber gloves and asks an owner to turn his head and cough during a contract negotiation.
Scott Boras once shot a baby out of a canon just to prove to Al Davis that Darren McFadden was “Faster than a baby shot out of a canon.” Read More
If you have ever wondered if Mel Kiper, Jr. was a vampire or how the Bengals and Raiders decide on who to draft (hint: it involves guns) you should listen to this funny record setting hour long podcast - unless you work for the Detroit Lions. If you work for the Detroit Lions, you have enough problems without having to listen to us bash your always futile draft strategy. Listen to it at work (may have NSFW language) because you know you’re not doing anything important.
