Adam Archuleta started out by being the overrated safety for the St. Louis Rams. Then he signed a fantastically high contract with the Washington Redskins. He’s now a weak point on the defense for the Chicago Bears. So how in the name of Steve Lavin did he end up with Jennifer Walcott?!?

Gatorade releases ‘Tiger’, and Pfizer counters with a newer, better sports drink.

These guys are insane.

Really, I can’t tell. She looks awesome here, but Sports Illustrated can work wonders with the F-Stop.

Click here to see the rest from SI.com.

Pedro Martinez, known mostly for his vicious cut-fastball and adequate-at-best use of the English language, was videotaped at a cockfight today. He claims he was just watching, even though he’s videotaped physically dropping the bird into the ring. It proves, once again, that pitchers are stupid. Except Greg Maddux. He’s to pitchers what Yao Ming is to Chinese people.

Mostly, this illustrates the remarkable hypocrisy of our media. No one came to the defense of Michael Vick because dogfighting is cruel (file that one under N for “No Sh*t). However, teeming masses, including a spokesman for the New York Mets, are lining up behind Martinez and cockfighting in general since, “It’s part of the Latin culture.” That’s absolutely no excuse, because there is such thing as bad parts of cultures. 

Here’s a list of things that have been “part of their culture”:

-Blood diamond trade: part of the culture of Sierra Leone

-Apartheid: formerly part of the culture of South Africa

-Genital mutilation: part of the culture of Saudi Arabia

-Anti-Semitism: formerly part of the culture of Germany

-Not Eating: part of the culture of Somalia

Something is either good or bad, and that opinion shouldn’t be swayed for fear of offending someone. Either training animals to kill each other is beautiful and majestic or it’s barbaric. Pick a side, pussies.

Sweeney Todd: Philip Rivers. We might like watching Philip Rivers if we weren’t so preoccupied with getting him to shut the hell up. 

No Country For Old Men: Brett Favre. Seriously, that was the worst pick thrown at Lambeau since Matt Hasselback in the “We Want The Ball And We’re Going To Score” game.

Eastern Promises: The Super Bowl. Once again, the entire sports world is focused on the Amtrak stretch between New York and Boston. That’s all anyone cares about anyway.

Michael Clayton: Michael Clayton. The former first round pick had 22 catches this season. Bust-a-move.

The Savages: The Washington Redskins still don’t have a coach. Oh please, like “Savages” is worse than “Redskins”. 

There Will Be Blood: Chargers/Pats in 2008. The Colts and Pats are a cutesy rivalry, one that looks good on Saturday Night Live. The Chargers give the Pats a real deathmatch, and after all the shenanigans during the AFC title game, it’ll get even worse. I like a game where someone might go Last Boy Scout at any minute.

I thought it would take more than one double-episode to design how to add booze to the most American of sports. Wrong.

1. Drink every time Hulk Hogan says ‘brother.’ It’s worse than a power hour.

2. Drink every time you predict one of the gladiators will be on Celebrity Apprentice next season. Wolf and Venom are mortal locks.

3. Drink twice whenever you notice one of the contenders doesn’t want to be there anymore. Every single one of them has had that look so far. It’s usually right after they’re punched in the face or thrown off a giant foam mountain.

4. If one of the hot gladiators wins, finish your beer. Don’t sweat this one, they hardly ever do. The ones who look like dudes, however, win. A lot.

5. Finally, at the end of the show, finish your beer if you set your TiVo to record the next one. You will.

When I saw the preview for the new American Gladiators, I thought I might have been too young to remember the original, because this version seems totally different. Namely, the female gladiators are smoking hot this time around. I don’t know how to feel about this, because I know they could all beat the hell out of me. This is the internal struggle: solid D cups vs. huge guns…and do I care?If there was every any doubt that the 80s were terrible, consider this: This is retro…. …and this is an upgrade.