Hey, at least I know I got one game right…

ATLANTA (-1) over Carolina
Dude… I love me the NFC South teams at home.  Plus, what is happening to Jake Delhomme?  I mean, I knew he sucked about two years ago, but I feel like he’s giving a giant middle-finger to everyone now… not just me.  I guess that makes me feel a little less special, but misery loves company, suckas.

BALTIMORE (-1) over Philadelphia
What happened to Philly last week?  Seriously… who ties an NFL game?  And who ties that game against the Bengals?!  I also will say the Ravens played the Giants closer than the score showed.  The Derrick Mason “my shoulder is busted, so I’m going to let this ball hit me in the face” interception blew the game open.  Plus, I like me the Flacco.

CLEVELAND (-3) over Houston
And yes, that’s 3 home teams in a row.  I will regret it.  I know this.  I think I’m just completely distracted by Brady Quinn and his handsomeness.  I’m not kidding.  I’m not afraid to admit I have a man-crush on him.  In fact, the ol’ fiancee says I also have the same man-love for Tom Brady, Joshua Jackson, Jason Statham, Jack Bauer (not Kiefer), and Hugh Laurie.  As you can tell, I watch too much TV. Read More

PITTSBURGH (-11) over Cincinnati
Do you remember that scene in Necessary Roughness when the team tied?  I feel like that’s how the Bengals feel right now, though their kicker is not a girl.  Of course, right now you might be asking why I’m taking the Steelers because the Armadillos actually beat the Colts in the next game.  The reason is very simple… no Bakula.

ATLANTA (-5.5) over Denver
If you would have told me the Bronco’s D was going to be this bad before the season, I would have called you crazy.  Though, if you would have told me the Bailey brothers were going to play on the same team and both get injured, I probably would have said the same thing… right after I looked up whether or not Champ Bailey had a brother.

CAROLINA (-14) over Detroit
I can’t believe I’m backing a team whose QB completed 11 passes last week… and four were to the other team.  But I’m through hating myself through the Lions.  And now that I’ve said that, I know Calvin Johnson is going to get a garbage TD in this game to make the final score 31-20.

Philadelphia (-9.5) over CINCINNATI
I will also not start hating myself through the Bengals.  I’m off the smack.  Hopefully, this self-imposed intervention will last.

Chicago (pk) over GREEN BAY
I don’t know what to do with the Bears now.  The “Constanza” didn’t cut it last week.  This might be more wishful thinking, but Rex says he’s 3-0 at Lambeau.  Here’s hoping his 3-0 is holding a clipboard on the sideline.

INDIANAPOLIS (-8.5) over Houston
For a second, I thought this might be a redemption game for Sage.  But then I forced myself to watch his ill-advised re-enactment of Elway’s Super Bowl helicopter. I decided putting my faith in Sage was a bad idea.

Tennessee (-3) over JACKSONVILLE
Kerry Frickin’ Collins… I still can’t believe he’s the QB for a 9-0 team.  I feel like he should be handing the ball off to Curtis Enis as some old guy looks on and says incomprehensible things.

New Orleans (-5) over KANSAS CITY
The Chiefs have been somewhat frisky over the last three weeks, but I think that ends after Drew Brees gets loose on their sideline and starts screaming at Tyler Thigpen.

MIAMI (-10.5) over Oakland
Seriously… how did the Raiders beat the Jets this year?  How did that happen?  That has to be the biggest upset of the season.  It’s almost like when Shane Falco threw that  TD pass to a deaf TE who would one day try to beat up Jim Halpert.

NY GIANTS (-6.5) over Baltimore
It kills me to take the Giants in this one because I love me the Joe Flacco.  Everyone talks about how Flacco left Pittsburgh because he didn’t want to compete for the starting job.  I think he left because he knew Dave Wannstedt was going to hurt his chances of becoming a QB in the NFL.

TAMPA BAY (-4) over Minnesota
NFC South team at home against the Gus Bus.

SAN FRANCISCO (-6) over St Louis
It’s hard to gauge which team has less of a pulse at this point, but I’m taking the 49ers.  Even though they really should have lost last week’s game by like 3 TDs (Arizona couldn’t stay on their side of the line of scrimmage for some reason), I think the Rams expiration date has passed.  By the way, does anyone know what happened to Marc Bulger?  Or is this just what Rams’ QBs are supposed to do?  He’s obviously going to go to the Giants next, where he won’t play all that well.  Then, he’s going to end up in Arizona and somehow be good again.  Is this just what happens to these guys?  If so, someone should let Jim Everett know this is an option.

Arizona (-2.5) over SEATTLE
I don’t know if a guy getting strength back in his leg means your team is going to keep the game close.

PITTSBURGH (-4.5) over San Diego
I have no idea.

Dallas (-2.5) over WASHINGTON
I’m assuming Clinton Portis isn’t playing this week or is really limited.  I’m also assuming Tony Romo with a busted pinkie is still better than Brad “Statue” Johnson and Brooks “I’m just happy to be collecting a check” Bollinger.

Cleveland (+4.5) over BUFFALO
I think the intervention might be over.  I plan to hate myself when Cleveland is down 17-3.  Though, I must say… that Brady Quinn is dreamy.  He’s no Hot Tom, but sometimes you gotta make do.

Browns 24-Bills 17

Two things here:

The first is that no one really understands Rosolio’s system. I’m not even sure he understands it.

The other thing is I’ve been picking games against the spread with Rosolio and Slats for the last two and a half years for no apparent reason. We initially got into this to help out a friend of ours who is in this NFL picks pool. I’m not sure she really listens to any of our “advice”.  The reason I put that in quotes is because I’m not sure if what we’re actually throwing out there is advice. It’s mostly bad jokes, strange accusations, and weird statements of almost-fact.

Her husband has asked her for the last two years why she doesn’t just let us join. I still don’t know why an invitation hasn’t been sent our way. So… to sum up… there is no money, and there isn’t really any pride involved. I would say it’s mostly habit at this point.

Oh, and if you think the lines we’re using are crazy, we use the ones that are posted for this league on Wednesday. In other words, don’t blame us for a crazy line or a lack of a line. Anyway, I’m posting my pick for tonight’s Pack-Pats game now, but the rest of my picks will run on Friday. And that, in the business, is what we call a tease.

NY Jets (+3.5) over NEW ENGLAND
The thing is… this line is screaming for you to take the Pats. It really is. But I can feel the huge Brett Fav-rah game coming… whether that’s 6 TD passes or 6 INTS is still up for grabs.  But the Fav-rah will be unleashed on the NFL Network.

(Note: I found out after I made this pick that the Patriots were without two coaches last week because those guys were out scouting the Jets. I have this weird feeling I’m going to regret this one.)

Is there ever a weirder day in fandom than when your team inexplicably signs a guy you can’t stand? There really isn’t anything in life that I can compare it to, and all the analogies I can think of seem wildly inappropriate (most of these involve either Nazis or people that still fly confederate flags.)  Yet, this phenomenon seems to happen more and more in our sporting world.

The basic situations is you spend X amount of years rooting against a guy. You yell things at him as if he had just stolen your car… right after he burned your house down… right after he slept with your sister. You wish that he would be in some sort of accident. It’s nothing that would kill him, but something that would make him unable to throw a baseball or swing a bat (I generally root for mononucleosis).

And then, just like that, your team makes a move and you’re supposed to root for this guy.

I’m not entirely sure if I hate the Cubs signing of Jim Edmonds or if my mind is just rejecting the idea because it has been programmed to think Edmonds is a complete jerk for the better part of the last seven or eight years.

If we take a somewhat scientific look at this deal, there are both pros and cons.

Pro: He’s not really costing the Cubs any money.

Con: The last time I saw Edmonds trying to get up after diving for a ball in the outfield, I thought he’d been shot.

Pro: He can’t be any worse than Felix Pie, another "five-tool" prospect who can’t seem to figure out how to use his "tools" to make a bat hit a ball.

Con: Edmonds started his major league career with the California Angels. Just think about that for a second. Somewhere, there’s an 11-year-old kid saying, "I can’t believe the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim weren’t always from Los Angeles Anaheim!" (In related news, this kid is also repeating the 5th grade because he thinks "Los Angeles Anaheim" is an actual city.)

I could go on. But at the end of the day, even I realize the Edmonds signing is a low-risk investment.

Still…

After one game, I can’t seem to break my opinion of him. To be honest, I don’t know what I’m going to do if this works out. I might just have to go back to hating myself.

I’m convinced Tom Crean has been watching Hoosiers on a continuous loop. However, he’s not watching the part where Coach Dale explains to everyone that "this is your team" or the part where Jimmy makes his power-play on Coach (the "I’ll make it" line was Jimmy’s way of saying, "I’m the best player on this team, so why don’t you stick to uncomfortably kissing Myra Fleener and I’ll stick to winning basketball games.") No, Crean is watching a much different scene.

He’s apparently infatuated with the game where Coach Dale sends 4 players out on the court. It must be his favorite scene because he’s doing everything in his power to have that scenario play out right now.

According to an espn.com story by Andy Katz, Crean is down to three returning scholarship players. The University has also announced the departure of four players from last year’s 25-7 group.

Two of those players, Armon Bassett and Jamarcus Ellis, attempted to appeal suspensions handed down from former interim coach Dan Dakich, but Crean decided there wasn’t enough reason to let them back on team.

He also decided DeAndre Thomas wasn’t a "good fit" and Eli Holman lost his mind when he went to tell Crean he was transferring. (Reports say the throwing of a plant was involved. How Andy Katz found that out, I’ll never know. Still, I’d like to know what kind of plant Crean had in his office. Was it a bonsai tree? A cactus? A bamboo plant? I have no idea why this fascinates me so much. Let’s just chalk it up to me not getting enough sleep this week.)

Indiana is now left with three scholarship players that fall into three distinct buckets. Sophomore Jordan Crawford, a chucker who’s ability to chuck somehow grows in exponential and complicated ways depending on how close the game is; sophomore Brandon McGee, who might have had more DNP-CDs than baskets; and senior Kyle Taber, a fan-favorite at IU, which means he tries hard despite the fact that he’s big and slow. Good God… that isn’t even a murderer’s row down at the local Y.

Some day, people might look back at these events in the Crean-IU history and say he made all the right decisions. Right now, all I can think is he better be prepared to tell everyone that his team is on the floor.  Because from where I’m sitting, he’s definitely playing a man down… or four-men down in this case.

Don’t take Rashard Mendenhall… don’t take Rashard Mendenhall… nothing against the guy, but there’s sort of a RB stigma in Chicago (see Benson, Cedric… and Enis, Curtis… AND Salaam, Rashaan… oy.)

Whew… OK, so they got Chris Williams.  He looks big. I was just telling Rosolio that I have no idea how to tell if an offensive lineman is any good by seeing clips of him mauling people.  I literally sit there and say to myself, "Well… it looks like he’s mauling that guy… and that guy… and that guy." I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a clip of lineman highlights where he was getting pushed backwards and watched as his QB had his spleen ruptured.

So, I can’t say I’m excited as a Bears fan. This could very well help the team, but I have no idea. This is probably why I’m not an NFL scout.

OK, I’ve moved on from not having anyone in the green room.  I’m now completely fascinated with the guys who have cameras in their homes. I don’t know about you, but I enjoy the delay between when ESPN shows a guy on TV and when he realizes he’s on TV.

Also, does anyone else think DeSean Jackson seems overdressed for sitting at home watching the draft?

The green room is empty six picks into the draft. 

Seriously?  Couldn’t they have invited Brady Quinn to sit in there again this year?  My favorite part of the NFL Draft is over already this year.  I almost want to spend the next 4 hours doing something else now… but I won’t.

In what can only be described as an "unorthodox" move, the NCAA finally decided on a final punishment for former Indiana University basketball coach Kelvin Sampson. Apparently, losing the head coaching job at Indiana was just the beginning.

Rumors have surfaced that Sampson will be sentenced to work as an assistant coach for the Milwaukee Bucks.

Clearly, the NCAA is looking to make an example of Sampson with a sentence that will have him dealing with a center who has potential to be his generation’s "Big Stiff", a 6′11 Asian guy who can only muster five boards per game, and a $14 million-a-year shooting guard who only has one discernible skill.

The NCAA considered sending Sampson to Dante’s Inferno, but an argument over which circle he would reside in made board members opt to just ship him to Milwaukee.

In a related story, the Bucks are currently seeking representation for any future "tampering" cases that may result from Sampson’s hiring.