As of today, 22 teams have looked either, good, solid or decent.  They play well enough to think “Yeah, I could see them making a run and getting into the playoffs.”  The Colts, Saints, Broncos and Vikings are undefeated and playing really stellar football.  They’ve all been tested and won tough contest against quality opponents.  The other 18 have all shown flashes of promise and are entertaining to watch week in and week out.

The remaining 10 teams are an embarrassment to football, the NFL and sports in general.  Those teams are:

• Oakland
• Detroit
• Carolina
• Buffalo
• Cleveland
• Kansas City
• Tampa Bay
• Tennessee
• St. Louis
• Washington

They don’t deserve to play the rest of the season.  Of those 10 teams, they have won a combined 11 times.  Only 2 of those times have against teams in the top 22 (Oakland vs. Philly & Buffalo vs the Jets).  Cleveland’s lone win was a 6-3 thrill fest against Buffalo. There are three winless teams.  Tennessee suffered the worst NFL loss in 30 years.  Half of the games every week are decided before kickoff or are Washington-Detroit-esque slapfights.

It would be easy to just 86 the lot of them.  There would be no more “Oh God, do I have to watch Oakland-Detroit this week?”  (The Gods were merciful in blacking out that game regionally in Detroit.)  But there’s a lot of players on those teams who really deserve to be on a winner and it wouldn’t be fair to just dump them out of the league because the management of their respective teams shouldn’t be allowed to control a Madden 2010 team, much less a real NFL team.

Well maybe not a LOT of players, but maybe enough to field a team.  So, here’s what I propose:

• Remove the above teams.
• Take the best players from those teams and combine them into a new team.  The Las Vegas Zoo.

Bill Simmons has been pleading for a pro team in Vegas for some time now and we all win when he’s happy.  Why name them “The Zoo”?  Other than the fact that its awesome?  We need to offer some concession to those teams being dismissed.  We need to honor their history and mascots.  You have 5 teams with animal mascots (if you count Cleveland Dog Pound instead of the bland “Browns”), you have 2 teams represented by pirates (Buccaneers & Raiders), 2 teams represented by Indians (Chiefs & Redskins) and the ironically named Titans.  You can has a logo of all of the mascots of the redacted teams in cages on a pirate ship being watched by the indigenous people of America.  And we just ignore the Titan part of it.  They lost their right to be represented after letting Brian Hoyer score a rushing touchdown against them.  Yeah, there’s a reason you don’t know who Hoyer is.  Everyone is happy.  But now for the fun part:  Fielding the team (after the jump):

Quarterback:

Available (* indicates made Pro Bowl.  *** means 3 time Pro Bowler):

• Trent Edwards
• JaMarcus Russell
• Josh Johnson
• Matt Cassel
• Matthew Stafford
• Daunte Culpepper ***
• Byron Leftwich
• Jake Delhomme *
• Derek Anderson *
• Brady Quinn
• Kerry Collins **
• Vince Young *
• Mark Bulger **
• Jason Campbell
• Todd Collins

OK.  This is obviously the weak link the the loser group.  It seems when there’s a losing team, there’s a weak QB at the helm.  By process of elimination, you take out all of the over the hill guys (Collins, Collins, Bulger, Culpepper, Leftwich).  Then, take away the big bust flameouts (Young, Quinn, Campbell).  I bet some of you who are reading are shaking your head so hard you may get a crick in your neck at me leaving out Vince Young.  You keep hearing “It doesn’t matter about his stats.  He just wins!”  The fact is… he’s a Texas Longhorn.  They have a history of titillating you with their talent.  You draft them high… then they let you down.  What do all of the following names have in common:

• Vince Young (Rd 1; Pk 3)
• Cedric Benson (1:4)
• Ricky WIlliams (1:2)
• Quentin Jammer (1:5)
• Michael Huff (1:7)
• Derrick Johnson (1:15)
• Roy E. Williams (1:7)
• Leonard Davis (1:2)
• Chris Simms (3:97)
• Mike WIlliams (1:4)

All picked high (except Simms).  All never lived up to their draft location.  All from The University of Texas.  And maybe its not only a UT thing.  I think the big programs get the big name recruits, then they pamper them.  Then those guys from smaller schools, who didn’t get pampered and had to work harder to get noticed pass them up.  They keep that work ethic in the NFL and continue to learn and grow.  The big school guys, are in shock that people don’t bow down at their greatness and don’t have the school and alumni to shield them from criticism and can’t get by only on their talent.  There are obviously exceptions (Aaron Ross, Michael Griffin), but still, I am steering clear of UT players when I can on this list.

Then eliminate the people who should be starting in the Canadian League instead of the NFL (Edwards, Delhomme, Anderson) and you’re left with a QB trio.  A competent (maybe more) vet, a promising rookie to develop under that steady vet and a dynamic talent with potential as an emergency QB and possibly be the next Willie Beamen:

Starter: Matt Cassel
Backup: Matthew Stafford
3rd: Josh Johnson

Running Back

Available:

• Marshawn Lynch *
• Fred Jackson
• Darren McFadden
• Michael Bush
• Justin Fargas
• Kevin Smith
• DeAngelo Williams
• Jonathan Stewart
• Jamal Lewis *
• Jerome Harrison
• Jamaal Charles
• Larry Johnson **
• Cadillac Williams
• Derrick Ward
• Ernest Graham
• Chris Johnson *
• LenDale White
• Steven Jackson *
• Clinton Portis **
• Ladell Betts

This is where it gets a little more tricky.  There’s a lot of guys in that list who have been to Pro Bowls, won rushing titles and had success in this league.  I’m actually surprised at how few Pro Bowls there are in the list.  You would think Portis, Steven Jackson and Jamal Lewis would have been perennial selections.  But then you remember they play for the Browns, Rams and Redskins.  Let’s cut out the obvious so we have a better list to look at:

• Marshawn Lynch
• Fred Jackson
• Darren McFadden
• Kevin Smith
• DeAngelo WIlliams
• Jonathan Stewart
• Jamal Lewis
• Larry Johnson
• Cadillac Williams
• Derrick Ward
• Chris Johnson
• LenDale White
• Steven Jackson
• Clinton Portis

Then, take out the broken down/injury prone.  In dealing with relocation, building a new team and the distractions of Vegas, the last thing we need is our star RB to go down with an injury every one saw coming.  We’re also going to take out the guys who’s only defense is “But they went to the Pro Bowl… in 2004!”  So, after removing those guys almost certain to twist their knee getting out of the shower we are left with:

• Marshawn Lynch
• Fred Jackson
• Darren McFadden
• Kevin Smith
• DeAngelo WIlliams
• Cadillac Williams
• Derrick Ward
• Chris Johnson
• LenDale White
• Steven Jackson

Take out people too ugly they would be distracting from the team:

• Fred Jackson
• Darren McFadden
• Kevin Smith
• DeAngelo WIlliams
• Cadillac Williams
• Derrick Ward
• Chris Johnson
• LenDale White
• Steven Jackson

Take out the people with unrealized potential, people who are good, but not explosive.  McFadden may very well be the best back in the league.  Except he plays for Oakland, the black hole of NFL talent.  They even made Randy Moss look bad for several years:

• DeAngelo WIlliams
• Chris Johnson
• LenDale White
• Steven Jackson

Three obvious choices and LenDale White.  Because you always need someone who will bring the Patron.

Wide Receiver

Available:

• Terrell Owens *****
• Lee Evans
• Darrius Heyward-Bey
• Louis Murphy
• Antonio Bryant
• Michael Clayton
• Steve Smith ****
• Muhsin Muhammad **
• Calvin Johnson *
• Dwayne Bowe
• Javon Walker *
• Donnie Avery
• Danny Amendola
• Kenny Britt
• Justin Gage
• Nate Washington
• Santana Moss *
• Antwaan Randle-El

Also known as “the list of guys pissing of their fantasy team owners.”  The Detroit Lions would lead you to believe that all you need is one Calvin Johnson and your receiving corps is set.  They also went 1-22 in their last 23 games.  In order to have a complete wide receiver group, you need a dominant Ace(X), a sure handed possession receiver willing to go across the middle on 3rd and 7(Y) and a blazing speedster to stretch the field(Z). The 2007 Patriots had it perfect with Moss (X), Welker (Y) and Stallworth (Z) and set NFL records left and right.  They didn’t even need a competent running back to get it done.  You also need someone who is not clinically insane and going to rip apart your franchise from the inside.  So, no Terrell Owens.

X: Calvin Johnson - Just dominant.  Great size, speed, instincts, hands and intelligence.  Plus he has the best nickname in the league.  Megatron.
Y: Danny Amendola - When looking for the most Wes Welker-ish of the group, former Texas Tech stand out who trained under the same system as Wes Welker stands out.
Z: Steve Smith - You may argue and yell saying that he hasn’t done ANYTHING all year.  He sucks.  He’s trash.  But remember… he’s had Jake Delhomme throwing to him all year.
Backups: Antonio Bryant, Dwayne Bowe, Santana Moss.

Tight End

Available:

• Zach Miller
• Brandon Pettigrew
• Dante Rosario
• Steve Heiden
• Sean Ryan
• Randy McMichael
• Kellen Winslow *
• Alge Crumpler ****
• Bo Scaife
• Chris Cooley **

Starting out this list, I was getting worried I would have to bring in an Oakland Raider.  Thankfully Chris Cooley and Kellen Winslow saved me.  And Kansas City… did you really have to get rid of Tony Gonzales just before building Super Team?  Instead we’re left with Chris Cooley.  He’s good, but you always have to say “He’s good” with that “eh” in there to let people know you think he’s just barely good.  He’s not good enough for you to give a full “He’s good with no qualifications” endorsement.

TE: Chris Cooley, Kellen Winslow

Offensive Line

Not going to bore you with listing all of the linemen.  Here they are:

LT: Joe Thomas **
LG: Brian Waters ****
C: Kevin Mawae *******
RG: Davin Joseph *
RT: Chris Samuels ******

Defensive Line

Available DEs:

• Aaron Schobel **
• Tamba Hali
• Richard Seymour *****
• Leonard Little *
• Jevon Kearse ***
• Kyle Vanden Bosch **
• Andre Carter
• Julius Peppers ****
• Chris Long

Available DTs:

• Marcus Stroud ***
• Grady Jackson
• Glenn Dorsey
• Tommy Kelly
• Gerard Warren
• Ryan Sims
• Chris Hovan
• Tony Brown
• Shaun Rogers ***
• Albert Haynesworth **

This group is tough.  I’m trying to steer clear of injury prone, but its hard to keep Haynesworth off the list even though he’s out right now.  But I certainly can’t put Longhorn Shaun Rogers on the team.

DE: Julius Peppers ****, Aaron Schobel
DT: Marcus Stroud ***, Glenn Dorsey
DT: Albert Haynesworth **
DE: Richard Seymour, Chris Long - Howie Long’s Kid and that’s just awesome.

Linebackers

Available MLB:

• London Fletcher
• Stephen Tulloch
• Derrick Johnson
• Larry Foote
• Paul Posluszny
• Kirk Morrison
• Jon Beason *
• James Laurinaitis
• Barrett Ruud

Available OLB:

• Brian Orakpo
• Rocky McIntosh
• Keith Bulluck *
• David Thornton
• Mike Vrabel *
• Julian Peterson *****
• Eric Barton
• Thomas Howard
• Paris Lenon
• Geno Hayes

Big surprise to find a lack of dynamic playmakers at linebacker in the 11-48 club.  It does shock me that London Fletcher has never been to a Pro Bowl.  It does list him at 8 time Pro Bowl Alternate.  8 times he’s been just outside of that group going to Hawaii, hoping and praying someone gets injured.  How many times did he call Derrick Brooks and say “Hey Brooks.  Please, just tell them you tweaked a hamstring.  You’ve been 11 times!  And you won a Super Bowl!  I’ll give you a car.  Or my wife.  I don’t care.  I’ll send you our entire playbook and let you know what plays the Offense is running so you can get a free shot at Jason Campbell.  Please!”

LOLB: Keith Bulluck *, Mike Vrabel
MLB: Jon Beason *, Paul Posluszny
ROLB: Julian Peterson *****, Thomas Howard (as to maintain my no-UT policy)

Defensive Backs

Available CB:

• DeAngelo Hall **
• Fred Smoot
• Nick Harper
• Nnamndi Asomugha **
• Cortland Finnegan *
• Ronde Barber *****
• Aqib Talib
• Brandon Flowers
• Brandon Carr
• Philip Buchanon
• Terrence McGee

Available SS:

• Chris Horton
• Chris Hope *
• Sabby Piscitelli

Available FS:

• LaRon Landry
• Michael Griffin
• Will Allen

Not a lot of stars in the Safety group.  Especially with All-Pro Michael Griffin barred from being on the team for his collegiate affiliations.  Shut Down corner Nnamdi Asomugha is a no brainer.  You like Ronde Barber and his 5 Pro-Bowls, but isn’t he just about to break down.  His twin brother retired like half a decade ago.  Don’t they have some psychic twin link that forces them to think similarly?  Then Cortland Finnegan edges out DeAngelo Hall because of recent success (Finnegan Pro Bowl in 2008, Hall in 2006).  Sabby Piscitelli is appealing, but it might be because he sounds a lot like he should be on Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out as an Italian light weight fighter.

CB: Nnamdi Asomugha **
CB: Cortland Finnegan *
SS: Chris Hope *
FS: LaRon Landry

Special Teams

Available K:

• Rob Bironas *
• Rian Lindell
• Shane Andrus
• Phil Dawson
• Jason Hanson **
• Sebastian Janikowski
• Josh Brown

Available P:

• Nick Harris
• Brian Moorman **
• Dustin Colquitt
• Shane Lechler ****
• Hunter Smith

Available KR:

• Rock Cartwright
• Josh Cribbs *
• Jamaal Charles
• Terrence McGee

Available PR:

• Antwaan Randle-El
• Johnnie Lee Higgins
• Bobby Wade
• Roscoe Parrish

If there’s anyone you trust punting… its the guy who’s been punting for years for the Raiders.  Then you want to have Sebastian Janikowski on the team to have him party with LenDale White in Vegas.  We’d get the headlines with our incredible on the field play, then the off the field headlines with two non-essential people when LenDale White and Janikowski get drunk and punch out the gladiator dude in Caesar’s Palace.

K: Rob Bironas *
P: Shane Lechler ****
KR: Josh Cribbs *
PR: Johnnie Lee Higgins

The Team:

QB: Matt Cassel - Matthew Stafford - Josh Johnson
RB: Chris Johnson - Steven Jackson - DeAngelo Williams - LenDale White
WR: Calvin Johnson - Danny Amendola - Steve Smith - Santana Moss - Antonio Bryant - Dwayne Bowe
TE: Chris Cooley - Kellen Winslow
LT: Joe Thomas
LG: Brian Waters
C: Kevin Mawae
RG: Davin Joseph
RT: Chris Samuels

DE: Julius Peppers - Aaron Schobel
DT: Marcus Stroud - Glenn Dorsey
DT: Albert Haynesworth
DE: Richard Seymour - Chris Long
LOLB: Keith Bulluck - Mike Vrabel
MLB: Jon Beason - Paul Posluszny
ROLB: Julian Peterson -  Thomas Howard
CB: Nnamdi Asomugha
CB: Cortland Finnegan
SS: Chris Hope
FS: LaRon Landry

K: Rob Bironas
P: Shane Lechler
KR: Josh Cribbs
PR: Johnnie Lee Higgins

Thoughts?  Changes?  I’ll be submitting this proposal shortly to the NFL once we come to a consensus.