Death, taxes, and rioting after sports championships.  Apparently, these are the only certainties in life.  Players go to Disney World.  Fans go crazy.  In yet another example of the “Yes, my team won!  Now, let’s smash a car!” logic, hundreds of fans caused mayhem on the streets of Los Angeles Sunday night after the Lakers won their 15th NBA title.  Signs were torn down, vehicles were damaged, and various objects were hurled at police officers. Some lit fires, others broke into local stores.  According to the L.A. Police Department, at least 25 people were arrested during the riots.  Police Chief William Bratton said many known gang members were in the crowd.  “These knuckleheads seem to really relish their opportunity in the dark,”  Bratton said, as he beat a random black person with his baton.

“It’s uncalled for, it’s a shame, and it’s embarrassing for a lot of us in Los Angeles,” said resident Charlie Scoggins, 48.

“It leaves a really sour taste in my mouth,” said Elisha Ramirez, 27.  “Oh, wait - what were you talking about again?”

“Ouch!  This f*cking hurts, dude!” cried LeTron Smith, 33, as he continued to get beaten.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only sports riot that broke out this year.  After the Philadelphia Phillies won the World Series this past fall, over 80 people were arrested, store windows were smashed, and vehicles were overturned.

Frankly, I can’t wait until my favorite sports team wins another championship.  I’m so looking forward to running around the streets naked, taking a dump on a cop car, and lighting an entire national park on fire again.