The difference between the winners and the losers are who can overcome their own shortcomings. Kinda like Ashton Kutcher becoming a major Hollywood producer. Let’s go bit by bit, shall we?

What’s wrong with…

Arizona: Their quarterback is a billion years old and hasn’t been good two years in a row since the Clinton administration.

Atlanta: They can’t stop anyone (25/30/31 against the run, pass and overall)

Baltimore: Can’t stop the pass. Otto Graham could throw for 300 on them. Now.

Buffalo: Their quarterback has a wet-noodle arm in the one stadium you can least afford to have a wet-noodle arm.

Carolina: Jake Delhomme simply refuses to stop turning the ball over. And you can run forever on them. Bad combo.

Chicago Bears: They can’t run the ball and their best player has diabetes.

Cincinnati Bengals: They already had a little trouble getting to the quarterback, and their best pass rusher just got knocked out for the year.

Cleveland Browns: They have two quarterbacks who are both the second worst starter in the league when playing.

Dallas Cowboys: Tony Romo isn’t a franchise quarterback and the only guy who doesn’t know it is Jerry Jones.

Denver Broncos: They blew the picks last year in the Cutler trade. But this season, there isn’t much wrong.

Detroit Lions: Everyone’s totally okay with finishing the year with this win total. And Megatron is heavily involved.

Green Bay Packers: Might have the worst offensive line for any team with a winning record.

Houston Texans: 30^th in the league in rushing.

Indianapolis Colts: They can’t run. But why would you need to with Peyton Manning having the best season of his career?

Jacksonville Jaguars: Every single game is blacked out and the players, with their egos, have to care at least a little.

Kansas City Chiefs: Their coach is a raving lunatic.

Miami Dolphins: They used all their good karma last year. Although it seems to still work in the division, where they’re 2-0.

Minnesota Vikings: The defense can be beat through the air and Brett Favre has angered the football gods for the last time.

New England Patriots: It’s the worst Belichick defense ever, and they can’t run up the score on the Titans every year. Someone’s going to kneecap Tom Bundchen next time that happens.

New Orleans Saints: Nothing. They’re the number one offense and number five defense in the league right now.

New York Giants: They have to play real teams now. Oh and Brandon Jacobs has lost a step.

New York Jets: Their quarterback hasn’t played a game under 55 degrees before. The Jets play in New York.

Oakland Raiders: JaMarcus Russell is the worst number one pick of all time.

Philadelphia Eagles: They can’t run the ball and the defense really misses Jim Johnson.

Pittsburgh Steelers: They can’t run consistently and their best player (Aaron Smith) is done for the year).

San Diego Chargers: Merriman is done, Tomlinson is done, and Jamal Williams is hurt. Oh and the Broncos are really good.

San Francisco 49ers: Shaun Hill isn’t an NFL quarterback.

Seattle Seahawks: Their running backs are Edgerrin James and Julius Jones, and it’s 2009.

St. Louis Rams: Everything.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: They jettisoned all of their good players and hired a guy who hasn’t even coached in Madden before.

Tennessee Titans: They can’t stop the pass and Kerry Collins’ magic has run out.

Washington Redskins: No offense and a maniacal owner who has destroyed the second richest team in the league.