I’m in a worse free fall right now than Rob’s blood sugar pre-TheraFlu. By the way, Rob: the way you felt during your flu? That’s how it feels to watch Hines Ward win a Super Bowl. I hope you’ve seen the light.

So I kinda almost want to amend the Club rules. Like… no one in their right mind should have given 17 points in an NFL game. That was just nuts. But I’ve reevaluated the tiers in the league and think my newfound clarity will get me back on track. Or it could be that good teams are playing other good teams now. Or that there are almost no good teams in the league. By my last count, there are only eight. Awesome.

ATLANTA -10 over Washington

Atlanta desperately needs to bounce back from the near-win in New Orleans to stay in the NFC playoff picture. Usually bye weeks help a team. The latest out of DC is that the owner has banned signs, further alienating a fanbase that is deep, but often distracted. The Redskins have treated their fans so badly that DC is a hockey town now. Here’s a great article about the disarray in DC. My favorite part is when the scout describes Fred Davis as “too dumb for the NFL” and Jason Campbell as “dumber than Fred Davis.” Samsonite!

Green Bay -10 over TAMPA BAY

Here’s how bad the Bucs are. I don’t think Green Bay is any good. In fact, I think Aaron Rodgers may be a middle-of-the-pack at best quarterback. He holds on to the ball way too long. That being said, the Buccaneers are the only winless team remaining and are throwing their rookie quarterback to the wolves. The Packer defense should cover this themselves.

Baltimore -3 over CINCINNATI

I don’t want to talk about it.

Houston +9 over INDIANAPOLIS

It’s picks like this that have demolished my big lead. But this is Houston’s Super Bowl. And the Colts have the Pats after their bye. Why shouldn’t they overlook this one? And did anyone notice that Indy can’t run the ball? They won’t need to against most teams, but… rationalizing, rationalizing, rationalizing, vomit.

Miami +10.5 over NEW ENGLAND

Awesome, let’s do this twice. The Patriots blew out two terrible teams. The rest of their games were all competitive. And the Dolphins are masters at keeping any game close. I also love the idea of the Dolphins winning every division game and losing the rest. By the way, how crappy is this division all of a sudden?

JACKSONVILLE -6.5 over Kansas City

I actually hate this pick will all of my heart. I think the Jags are a borderline Club team, but MJD is the only weapon in the game on either team. And KC is still in the Club. Let’s not get ridiculous here.

Arizona +3 over CHICAGO

I am loving me some road teams this year. The Bears offensive line got abused by the Browns. That’s bad. The Cardinals have been money on the road and are all bruised from losing to the Delhomme Show. Why not take the points?

NEW ORLEANS -13.5 over Carolina

This would be an overlooked game if Carolina wasn’t feeling so good already. Plus, Delhomme wasn’t abysmal last week. You know what that means. The Saints are just so good. Even if they overlook the Panthers, they’ll overlook themselves putting 31 up before the half. They’ll come to and go, “Hmm. Winning a football game. Weird.”

SEATTLE -10 over Detroit

Maybe the ultimate stay-away game of the week. The Seahawks look terrible, but they have a true home field advantage and the Lions are back in the Club. Without our policies, we’re just cruel beasts.

San Diego +4.5 over NY Giants

Now this one’s really interesting. Two teams that we just learned aren’t particularly good. The reasons to take the Chargers are 1) the free points and 2) the fact that the only thing the Chargers do well (pass) lines up with the thing the Giants do the most poorly (stop passes). Do they start booing Eli? Better yet… are they licking their wounds from the biggest choke-job in World Series history? Wouldn’t that be nice….

SAN FRANCISCO -4 over Tennessee

Everyone’s talking about the return of Vince Young. But how shockingly not-good was he in a supposed phoenix ashes game? The Niners have dropped, what… four of their last five? I think that ends as VY flies cross country and isn’t permitted to be anywhere near the exit row.

PHILADELPHIA -3 over Dallas

No division can generate more undue hype than the NFC East. The Eagles have weapons, Dallas had a cookie-crumb schedule. The Eagles jump to a big lead and Tony Romo starts December a little early.

DENVER +3 over Pittsburgh

Ooh. OOOOOHHHH!! Okay, well I hate Pittsburgh and will take any opportunity to blindly pick against them. And Denver looked more exposed than…any analogy I could ever come up with. But they do have the mile high air and Pittsburgh has two impact players with sickle cell, meaning they could die in Denver. It’s a 6-1 team getting points at home where the opponent has players that could die in the environment. I don’t think anyone will fault me for this pick.