Week 10 Picks

Written by Rosolio

SAN FRANCISCO –3 over Chicago

Kindly tell me what the Bears do well these days. Not at all once, please. Oh, yes, punch opposing players on the ground. How dumb do you have to be to hit a guy with your fist when they’re wearing a helmet? Boomer Sooner!

Atlanta –1.5 over CAROLINA

I can’t bring myself to take the Panthers, even though they are becoming the demons of the crazy cover. Plus, the Falcons are coming off their bye. Wait, they played Washington last week? That should count as two byes: it’s rest plus a confidence surge.

New Orleans –13.5 over ST LOUIS

No way. Although I feel like NO intentionally dogs the beginning of games and doesn’t cover just to make everyone think they’re vulnerable. The opposite of the Belichick F-U game. It’s the F-Us game.

Denver –3.5 over WASHINGTON

Wow. How much has Vegas lost confidence in the Broncos that they’re only a field goal and change favored over the Redskins? And how small do your cajones have to be (DeAngelo Hall) to demand the league fine a coach who cursed at you on the sideline? We call that an Elvis Grbac.

TENNESSEE –6.5 over Buffalo

What if the Titans won out and made the playoffs? Guess what isn’t impossible?

Cincinnati +7 over PITTSBURGH

No one can believe the Bengals are any good. They’ve beaten Pittsburgh already and won their last two games by a combined score of 52-17 and had a bye in between. Right now, the Bengals are the second best team in the AFC and could probably take the Colts. And they’re getting a touchdown. This seems ludicrous.

Tampa Bay +10 over MIAMI

No, this isn’t a vote of confidence for the Bucs. It’s just that the Dolphins won’t get up for this game. They’re not a Kill The Enemy team. Wait, what am I doing?

MIAMI –10 over Tampa Bay

There.

NY JETS –7 over Jacksonville

The Jets are coming off a bye. And according to the ten day forecast, it’s going to be 63 degrees in East Rutherford. Someone just dodged a Cold Sanchez bullet.

MINNESOTA –16.5 over Detroit

I’d really rather not do this. But it’s the Vikings after a bye against a Detroit team that got outscored 32-3 after the first quarter against Seattle. Over/Under on number of times the announcers say, “Brett Favre is having fun.” I’m going to say it’s higher than this line. And take the over.

Kansas City +2 over OAKLAND

When in doubt, take the points and the quarterback that could hit the Caribbean on the shores of St. Kitts and Nevis.

ARIZONA –8.5 over Seattle

Two schizophrenic teams. I just think Arizona is more adjusted. And don’t think Seattle can win on the road ever.

Philadelphia +2 over SAN DIEGO

I’m taking the points because these teams are almost identical. Neither is really any good, neither has a professional coach, but both could be in the playoffs. That’s how jacked 2009 has been. In other news, I think Andy Reid’s only shot of getting fired is if he runs over Jimmy Rollins with a tractor full of meth.

Dallas –3 over GREEN BAY

The Packers just gave a team their first win of the year. That takes a few weeks to get over. Just ask the Redskins. DeMarcus Ware may match last season’s sack total in this game alone.