Prior to each game, Cleveland Cavaliers superstar Lebron (King) James tosses talcum powder - which most people use to relieve itching, rather than inspire midwesterners - into the air at the scorers’ table, as if to say, “It’s now on, bitches!” But what if there was no talcum powder? What alternatives could be used? I give you…

TOP TEN THINGS KING JAMES COULD HOIST IN THE AIR INSTEAD OF CHALK
10. Nacho Cheese Sauce (for when he plays the San Antonio Spurs)

9. Soy Sauce (for when he plays the Rockets)

8. Fire ants (for when he plays the Knicks)

7. Vicks Vapor Rub (this is the stuff that you rub on yourself when watching illegal dog fighting, right?)

6. Nickelodeon Gack (it just sounds cool)

5. Fun Size Snickers Bars (for the kids)

4. Fun Size Moist Towelettes (for the dirrrrty kids)

3. Killer Bumble Bees (for when he plays the Knicks)

2. KY Jelly (for those on the floor loose ball tustles)

1. Condoms (because being a twelfth baby’s daddy just isn’t as accepted as it used to be in the NBA)