Tiers Part II

We first asked the question around Week 4. Four weeks later, a whole lot has changed already. We saw the birth of The Club, the death of the New York Super Bowl, and the Ravens lose three and then get one back. We’ll go over this in podcast, and by that I mean I’ll argue with Rob Slattery about it. But here’s my best bet of breaking down the Tiers in the NFL.  To show you how much has changed, the previous tier is in parentheses.

Five Stars - The Favorites

-New Orleans Saints (8-0): They’re just ridiculous. As good as the Greatest Show Rams with a whole lot more defense. That supercedes alphatetical order. Not even another Katrina could stop these guys (5).

-Indianapolis Colts (7-0): They’re undefeated. Having been tested twice by middle of the pack teams (Jags and Niners), you can’t argue with the record. (5)

-Minnesota Vikings (7-1): They probably don’t belong here because Favre’s health is a ticking time bomb and they have a loss on the docket. But they were very nearly undefeated. (4)

Four Stars – The Contenders

-Atlanta Falcons (4-3): Back to alphabetical order. Ryan’s not Flacco (that’s becoming clear to everyone), but he’s got waaaay more weapons and a schedule that should keep them in the playoffs. (3)

-Baltimore Ravens (4-3): If the secondary is indeed close to fixed, they’re the best team in the league. But we’re still in IF mode, aren’t we? (5)

-Cincinnati Bengals (5-2): They could absolutely come crashing to earth. But they can run, play tough defense, and their quarterback is healthy again. That sounds like a threat to me. (3)

-New England Patriots (5-2): The defense is suspect, but never, EVER count out Brady and Belichick. Especially with the rules in place to help them win. (4)

-Pittsburgh Steelers (5-2): They’re the only team to beat the Vikings and their quarterback is having the best season of his career so far. Weird close games against awful teams (Detroit, Cleveland, Tennessee) make them anything but a sure thing. (4)

Three Stars – Everclear

-Arizona Cardinals (4-3): So reliably unreliable. They can beat anyone and lose to anyone. Sounds like the world’s most mediocre band to me. (3)

-Chicago Bears (4-3): Mediocrity is a constant here. How does Jay Cutler get hit that much against Cleveland? (3).

-Dallas Cowboys (5-2): The song in Texas is that that Boys Are Back. I don’t believe it at all. The most overrated team in the league’s most overrated division. (3).

-Denver Broncos (6-1): This isn’t a surprise, this is where they belong. One loss so big it should count as two. They play great defense, but are incredibly limited on offense. Should still waltz away with a baby-soft division (3).

-Green Bay Packers (4-3): This one doesn’t necessarily feel right either. But it shouldn’t feel right that they’re 2-2 at Sacred Lambeau (3).

-Houston Texans (5-3): They’re a wild card right now. Really (3).

-Miami Dolphins (3-4): All of their wins are division wins. Every team in the league is scared to play these guys because they’ll always be favored and may never win (2).

-Philadelphia Eagles (5-2): Losing to the Raiders goes a long way in the rankings. That should never happen to a good team (3).

-New York Giants (5-3): Suddenly, the cupcakes are over, Eli can’t complete passes to his team and the defense can’t stop anyone. The freefall is on (1).

-New York Jets (4-4): Bart Scott told the press the Jets were a better team than the Fins. You can say that if you lose once. Twice is a trickier sell (2).

-San Diego Chargers (4-3): These guys suffered from the expectations of that roster and a cakewalk division. Unfortunately, the Broncos went and stole their cake (2).

-San Francisco 49ers (3-4): See Miami. The quarterback position is just going to be a problem against good teams. The question is whether they make a run for a thrower in the draft (3).

Two Stars – The Bad, But Still Professional, Football Teams

-Buffalo Bills (3-5): I know! They’re won three games! Everyone should be surprised (2).

-Carolina Panthers (3-4): It’s as reliable as Midas: every third game will be a Jake Delhomme apocalypse (2).

-Jacksonville Jaguars (3-4): A team that plays very hard, but just doesn’t have the talent or coaching or fans. Are they really a team? (3)

-Seattle Seahawks (2-5): Add injuries to a tough schedule to a new coach and you get Seattle. They’re still dangerous at home, but a bye week everywhere else (2)

-Tennessee Titans (1-6): Hooray! One win! The roster is too talented to be in the bottom grouping. That grouping is reserved for teams that should never be picked in a gambling situation unless they’re playing each other. Speaking of which… (2)

One Star – The Club

-Cleveland Browns (1-7): Fired the GM and the coach’s assistant during their bye week. The fans are planning on boycotting the kickoff on Monday Night Football. Skins fans, take note (1).

-Detroit Lions (1-6): Almost clawed their way out. But losing at home to St. Louis is inexcusable. Not something an NFL team does (2).

-Kansas City Chiefs (1-6): Probably the feistiest team on this list. But they hate their coach, paid too much for their mediocre quarterback, and can’t stop anyone defensively (1).

-Oakland Raiders (2-6): Their coach loves punching people. Commitment to Excellence! (1)

-St. Louis Rams (1-7): Stephen Jackson gets the Cecil Fielder Hostage Award. If he was on any other team, he’d be an MVP runner (1).

-Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-7): No wins. None coming. Tell me who they beat: Packers, Dolphins, Saints, Falcons, Panthers, Jets, Seahawks, Saints, Falcons (1).

-Washington Redskins (2-5): The owner has alienated one of the most loyal fanbases in the league. If the Redskins move to L.A., I may never stop celebrating (1).