The Miracle on Ice was one of the greatest moments in sports history, not to mention world history. The entire world, including reluctant citizens of the USSR, was standing and cheering when a rag-tag group of American college kids knocked off the best hockey team of all time. It gave people hope in a time when no one had any, when the Red Army was bowling over all opposition, when the “good guys” were still licking their wounds from the licking they took at the hands of the Viet Cong. Go to any country in the world in the early 80s and citizens will tell you they were watching with tears in their eyes.

This begs the question: what would be the worst moment in sports history?

We’ve had a lot of them in the last couple years. The steroid scandal, peaking with Alex Rodriguez and Manny Ramirez, tainted the game more American than a red white and blue apple pie getting humped by Jason Biggs (google him, he was an actor once). The New England Patriots, the most recent dynasty in sports, were first wounded by allegations of cheating, second humiliated by the Giants in the Super Bowl, and third watched their best player destroy his knee and miss a season. Tiger Woods has not been the same since his knee surgery, raising questions if he’ll ever reach his Nike funding potential again. But all of these are relevant to Americans at the most. What would the worst moment in sports be?

What if the United States won the World Cup?

Now, before this week, that statement would be like calling the worst case scenario an alien landing and sexually violating Roger Federer during Wimbledon and him being unable to escape because he’s bad on clay. He’d better watch his six because the United States beat the best team in the world, the Spaniards, 2-0. And it’s soccer, so that’s like losing by 40 runs.

Other countries aren’t big on the United States when it comes to the underdog role. Even with the recession, we’ve still got the most stuff. The only thing the world can hold over us is that they kick our ass at their Umbro-laden game. It’s the only place where the United States can’t possibly claim to be number one.

But what if they won?

The world would cringe as American flags are waved in the streets by fans who’ve learned how to celebrate by the Italians, Brits, and French. They’d tear their eyes out as the thousand of tribute albums and Disney film depiction with Shia LeBeouf. And they’d jump off the nearest bridge when they realized the majority of Americans still didn’t care. That’s the worst; when the most important thing to you is lost to someone who could care less.

The world can still turn their nose up at American soccer. If that’s taken away, all that’s left is human trafficking. And we’ll probably win that in a couple years too.