Remember, like a month ago when Lebron “No, I Ain’t Shaking Your Damn Hand” James carried a team of misfits on his back all the way to the Eastern Conference Finals?  Well, the load to carry just got a little heavier.  Make that 400 pounds heavier (ahem, when he’s dieting).

Welcome: Shaquille O’Neal to the Cleveland Cavaliers.  Is it the Big Aristotle or the old, should have retired four years ago Aristotle?  One can never be sure.

Yes, Cleveland may not be getting the player he once was, but let’s not forget Shaq is still… -A future hall of famer:  four NBA titles and three Finals Most Valuable Player awards.  One of the most dominant big men ever to play the game.

-An officer of the law:  went through LA County Sheriff’s Reserve Academy and became a reserve officer with the L.A. Port Police.  Served an honorary role on a task force tracking down sexual predators targeting children on the Internet.  In Miami, he witnessed a hate crime.  His actions resulting in the arrest of two suspects, whom he witnessed assaulting a man on the street while calling out homosexual slurs.

-An actor:  appeared in Sportscenter commercial dressed in his Miami police uniform, rescuing LSU’s Mike the Tiger from a tree.  Played a supporting character in the movie “Blue Chips” with Nick Nolte.  Appeared as himself on an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.  Reportedly, wanted a role in the second X-Men film, but was thankfully ignored by filmmakers. And then there was the Oscar-snubbed tour as Kazaam in the eponymous film.

-A rapper:    Has released five studio albums and one compilation disc.  Often criticized, he claims to be “progressing as a rapper in small steps, not leaps and bounds.”

-And a great public speaker.  Who can forget these Shaq-tastic gems:

On the media:  “I think it would be a boring game if everybody was the same, just like it would be boring if you guys asked the same dumb questions.”

What he thinks of former Coach Pat Riley:  “He’s the Italian version of my father. I don’t know if he’s Italian or not.”

On Yao Ming:  “You tell Yao Ming, ching chong yang, wah, ah so.”

When asked about Kobe Bryant in the summer of 2005:  “I’m sorry, who?”  Later, he followed this up in a song with these thought-provoking lyrics:  “Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes.”

When asked about retirement and if he was going to ever be a commentator in the booth:  “I wanna be different.  I don’t wanna be known as Commentator Shaq.  I wanna be a doctor or something good.  I wanna be Dr. Shaq, Officer Shaq, Deputy Shaq.”

On his many self-given nicknames:  “All this heaviness does not mean that I’m a monk.  I’m an unorthodox type of guy, a funny guy—at least I think I’m funny.  And one of the things I like to do is come up with nicknames for myself… If I were a painter, you’d be calling me Shaqcasso.”

The deal which has been agreed to in principle and is expected to be finalized sometime today, will send Ben Wallace and Sasha Pavlovic from the Cavaliers to Phoenix for the Big, Injury-riddled Behemoth.

Indeed, the trade gives Cleveland a player they’ve coveted since February.  Yes, for approximately eight minutes each game, Shaq will be the dominant force in the middle the Cavs have been lacking.

What are they going to do the other 44 minutes?  “We’ll come to that bridge when we cross it,” Cavs Coach Mike Brown said.

Just hope there’s no sharks under that bridge, Mike.  With the Big Woolly Mammoth on board there’s a good chance it’s going to break.