The biggest thing ruining professional sports isn’t greedy owners or greedy players, it’s quite simply the middleman. The sports agents are the people who are ruining sports. And the person that I feel we should all hold personally responsible for the insanity is the slimiest being this side of Ghostbusters. Sports agents are destroying the games we love. Feeding off the talent of others; people such as super-agent Scott Boras are slitting the throats of owners and fan bases for promises of greener pastures and more importantly for them, greener bank accounts.

The MLB Draft is fast approaching and this year’s story is power-pitching phenom Stephen Strasburg, who many feel super douche Scott Boras will make the Nationals (owners of the 1st pick) pay anywhere from $20-$50 million dollars for, by ignoring long standing MLB slotting rules and regulations.

Besides completely ruining the landscape of professional baseball, here are some other things that people might not know abut Scott Boras. These are like Chuck Norris facts, but with a 15% commission:

If literally smashing balls was a sport, Scott Boras would represent himself.

Scott Boras is the only sports agent that puts on rubber gloves and asks an owner to turn his head and cough during a contract negotiation.

Scott Boras once shot a baby out of a canon just to prove to Al Davis that Darren McFadden was “Faster than a baby shot out of a canon.”

Scott Boras has been chased out of town by angry torch wielding villagers on two separate occasions. Right then, he vowed to never go back to Hoboken.

Once got so high when trying to sign Ricky Williams that he bought Papa John to make all of his pizzas. Not the pizza place, the actual person.

When asked about Boras’ business tactics, Bernie Madoff described him as “unscrupulous.”

Couldn’t sign Kenny Powers because he couldn’t get Kenny Powers the money Kenny Powers needed to buy a gold plated jet ski. “The amount of money I’ll be makin would hurt your parents feelings. Remember the class where I taught you all how to make it rain? That’s what I’ll be doin every night, dollar…dollar…bills y’all.”

Once punched Bud Selig in the throat while renegotiating Bernie The Brewer’s contract extension back in 89’.

After all the steroid allegations his clients have been receiving in the media, he now holds the exclusive rights to the asterisk.

Threw a garbage bag full of cats into the Pacific Ocean to teach them how to swim. Those cats ended up being the 2008 US Water Polo Team.

Tiger Woods has his own line of Gatorade called “Tiger.” If Boras has his own line of Gatorade it would be called “Screwed,” and it would only come in one flavor. Blood.

Has a layer of slime on him that is so thick that he can use a slip ‘n’ slide without any water.

Gets $1 every time ESPN says “A-Rod.”

Sharks often claim that they’ve swam with Scott Boras.

Scott Boras has never counted to infinity. That’s what Steinbrenner’s are for.

His grandfather charged passengers on the Titanic $10 a pop for life-preservers. He died a very rich man.

Boras owned the exclusive rights to 10 of Mike Vick’s best fighting dogs.

Owns a Ferrari, inside a bigger Ferrari, inside a boat, that’s inside of an Acura Intergra. And a hovercraft.

Got anymore or want to help start a twitter trend #scottborasfacts ? Tweet them to me.

——>Douche Larue on Twitter <——-