On Tuesday, Daytona 500 winner Ryan Newman was penalized by NASCAR and docked 25 points in the points standings… whatever that means. Anyway, apparently his car failed inspections after the recent race at Texas Motor Speedway. Inspectors found that his car was, “Too high”. This came as a shock, as usually this is why football players get penalized, and not race cars. In an exclusive interview with Newman’s inner monologue, I was told that his crewmen were “too dumb” to accurately measure the car, and that the inspectors were “too gay”. In a bout of rage that cut the interview short, I was told no one gives a damn and that most NASCAR fans would be “too drunk” to care. Harsh words inner monologue, harsh words…