1. NBA players flopping. Finally the NBA is taking a stand and fining floppers, the only people to spend more time on their backs than porn stars. Solution? Prescriptions for Viagra (or Cialis if they want to decide when the moment is right) should harden up the biggest floppers, or just have Erin Andrews interview them.

2. Steroid and PED witch hunt in MLB. What if MLB officials decided to tinker with the baseball to make it another dead ball era? People would start throwing accusations that pitchers were finding new ways to doctor the ball. Solution? What happens in the locker room stays in the locker room, if eunuchs turn out to be better players then it is their choice to make.

Read the rest of the list after the break.

3. Olympic protests. Everyone knows the Chinese have committed some atrocities, and most people don’t like the government’s policies. Solution? Nothing soothes tension like a nightly report by the official Olympic midget, Bob Costas. Let the competition go on, and restrict the petitions to college campuses and the unwashed hippie masses.

4. NBA game fixing. It is nice to go to a game and see an underdog have a chance without being penalized for being too good. Solution? Just revert back to playground rules, no blood, no foul, taking the referees mostly out of the equation. Also change the rules to the team leading only gets a 16 second shot clock, which will ensure fast back and forth action.

5. College athlete paydays. College players are amateur athletes, yet somehow college itself is a profitable step in the road to the NBA or NFL. Solution? Players are eligible to earn rewards only if they achieve a high enough GPA. College is about teaching people to think and become better individuals, and athletes shouldn’t be excluded from this experience. They must also pass a special class titled “Makin’ it Rain 101.”

6. Primetime MMA fights. The first attempt at primetime action resulted in some of the weakest fights in MMA history, especially rushing to end them in an attempt to censor them for network television. Solution? Get the top fighters and make sure the fight doesn’t end before someone’s eyes are rolled back into their head. Cross promote it with Hannah Montana or Spongebob Squarepants and kids will love it too!

7. Crazy camera work. Most people choose to stay home because the couch has a much better view than $300 nosebleed seats. Solution? Stick to traditional shots, and save the craziness for replays and post-game highlight reels. No one should get motion sickness watching a Lakers game (though they may get sick for plenty of other reasons).

8. NFL players whining. Do you deserve a raise because Fred down the hall landed the big Johnson account and you steal fewer office supplies than he does? No. Solution? There should be a set salary scale for different positions, but let teams offer all the performance incentives and underperformance penalties they want.

9. ESPN. I understand the east coast bias, and the catch phrases, and even the Scripps National Spelling Bee (a secret passion). The main gripe is that 75% of programming consists of heart-breaking, tear-inducing features that are more sugary than a pixie stick. Solution? Limit segments to 90 seconds or less, and devote at least five minutes to highlights of Erin Andrews.

10. Left blank for future entry. Sports are always changing, adapting, and I like to be prepared for future travesties. Sorry, no refunds.

What are your biggest sports gripes? Comment below!