Sweeney Todd: Philip Rivers. We might like watching Philip Rivers if we weren’t so preoccupied with getting him to shut the hell up. 

No Country For Old Men: Brett Favre. Seriously, that was the worst pick thrown at Lambeau since Matt Hasselback in the “We Want The Ball And We’re Going To Score” game.

Eastern Promises: The Super Bowl. Once again, the entire sports world is focused on the Amtrak stretch between New York and Boston. That’s all anyone cares about anyway.

Michael Clayton: Michael Clayton. The former first round pick had 22 catches this season. Bust-a-move.

The Savages: The Washington Redskins still don’t have a coach. Oh please, like “Savages” is worse than “Redskins”. 

There Will Be Blood: Chargers/Pats in 2008. The Colts and Pats are a cutesy rivalry, one that looks good on Saturday Night Live. The Chargers give the Pats a real deathmatch, and after all the shenanigans during the AFC title game, it’ll get even worse. I like a game where someone might go Last Boy Scout at any minute.