Pirates Honor Billy Mays, Still Suck

Written by Kris Hanson

The Pittsburgh Pirates celebrated the life of hometown celebrity Billy Mays by carving his face into the center field at PNC park on Monday. Mays grew up in the Pittsburgh suburb of McKnees Rocks and wasn’t know to be an avid baseball fan. According to Pirates spokesman, Jim Trdinich, the Pirates don’t mind the TV pitchman’s disinterest in baseball and are hoping that Mays’ bearded visage will give the team some much-needed good luck.

“We’re out of ideas and floundering at 35-41,” said Trdinich. “If Mays’ face can get us a few wins, so be it. And this is the only way we could get the press to report on us.”

Whether Mays’ face at center field will be lucky remains to be seen, but the fans are quite positive.

“I cook a soup with that Orange Glo stuff!” quipped Ricky Wolinsky. “I loved that guy, so I’m happy his face distracts me from the awful play of the Pirates.”

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