One of these days, Europeans will finally catch on to the glory that is football (or “American Football,” as they like to call it). But given their current methods of promoting our divine recreational pastime, I’m not surprised that it has not caught on thus far.

Behold, the new ad for the Dusseldorf Panther (no S), one of Germany’s premiere American Football teams. The Europeans must thing we’re idiots, swallowing oddly-shaped soccer balls and losing them in hollow arms. If Americans still didn’t start buying soccer tickets after seeing giant ads featuring David & Victoria Beckham in their skivvies, I doubt Germans are going to buy up Panther tickets because of a cringe-inducing ad implying a massive surgical mishap.