Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt is quickly crossing over from the impressive to the ridiculous. Only days after destroying the world record in the 100m dash, Bolt took out the 200m by a tenth of a second. That’s like hitting 90 home runs in a season without any sort of juice. But the most important thing about Bolt is his name. I mean, really. Usain Bolt. That’s like a character name in a Nicholas Cage movie. As amazing as Bolt’s accomplishments are, he can never outdo his name.

Sounds like a list, doesn’t it?

Bates Battaglia: Toronto Maple Leafs Right Wing. Motel proprietor.

Majestic Mapp: UVA Point Guard. Carmen Sandiego Villain.

Picabo Street: One-legged downhill skiier. Mr. Rodger’s Co-Host

Huston Street: Colorado Rockies reliever. ‘Volume’ Porn Star.

God Shammgod: Providence College Guard. Hardest Difficulty Setting in Quake.

Coco Crisp: Kansas City Royals Centerfielder. Part of this Nutritious Breakfast.

Mookie Blaylock: Journeyman Point Guard. Legendary Grunge Band.

Obafemi Ayanbadejo: Chicago Bears Fullback. Vowel Test.

Baskerville Holmes: Memphis State Power Forward. Release the Awesome!

Prince Naseem Hamed: Featherweight Boxer. Aladdin Alias.

Takeo Spikes: San Francisco 49ers Linebacker. Koopa Troopa.

Stephane Yelle: Carolina Hurricanes Winger. Toughest Dude Named Stephanie.

Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje: Georgetown Center. Minister of Redudancy.

De’Cody Fagg: Florida State Wideout. Yep.