The other day I was standing in line at the drugstore, creeping away from some college athlete who smelled worse than Ricky Williams’ helmet, when I accidentally bumped into the big busted co-ed behind me (which gave me great joy).  But despite her close resemblance to Alison Stokke, I still felt tainted by my proximity to that smelly mongoloid.

Being the humanitarian that I am, I decided to help him out and I dropped some Irish Spring Body Wash into his basket, hoping he’d clean up his act… I doubt it.  Anways, it got me to thinking what other athletes are this dirty?

I’m talking about players whose careers are defined by the word “dirty.” Sure there are locker room stories about guys who just plain smell bad, but I was thinking about those players who don’t even know the word “gentleman” exists.  Here’s my list of 10 players who could most use a hit of Irish Spring.

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Todd Bertuzzi – The NHL has dedicated a special zamboni to follow Todd Bertuzzi’s dirty streak.  Once in 2004 after Colorado Avalanche center Steve Moore took out one of his teammates, and sidelined him for three games, Bertuzzi decided to get even by ultimately ending Moore’s career.  Bertuzzi, miffed Moore wouldn’t engage in fisticuffs, grabs Moore’s jersey and punches him the back of the head, driving him to the ice, where the pair were dog piled by teammates.  Moore’s list of injuries reads like a medical textbook, three fractured vertebrae, a grade three concussion, vertebral ligament damage, stretching of the brachial plexus nerve, facial lacerations, and a bruised ego.  Moore hasn’t played in a game since, and Bertuzzi got served with criminal charges, a civil suit, and a lengthy suspension

Keep reading to see the rest of the list.

Hines Ward – Ward has perfected his signature move of “tackle with intent to maim”.  Just ask players like the Cincinnati Bengals Keith Rivers who promptly left the game and the season with a broken jaw after a vicious blindside block from Ward.  But that doesn’t tell the whole dirty story.  Ward has mastered the art of leading with his helmet as Baltimore Ravens safety Ed Reed found out after being on the receiving end of a devastating block.  Think the whistle will stop Ward’s vicious streak?  Think again.  Ward likes to hit hard, and late, giving Cleveland Browns safety Daven Holly a concussion on a late hit in the 2007 season opener.

Ty Cobb – Ty Cobb was the biggest baseball star of his era, but he was far from popular in his clubhouse.  He was resented by his teammates for his short temper and preferential treatment.  A fierce competitor on the field, Cobb never looked to slide around the tag, but rather through it as he invented the spikes up slide.  Cobb was never one to shy away from a good fight, and by that I mean he loved instigating fights and fought to kill.  He even fought umpire Billy Evans after a game under the grandstands; Cobb was pulled off Evans after knocking him down and choking him.  To this day, Cobb has drawn more blood and more hate than any other player in baseball history, but he still managed to own 20,000 shares of Coca-Cola stock and 3 bottling plants by the time he died…go figure.

 

Jack Tatum – With a nickname like “The Assassin” you knew Jack Tatum was going to make an appearance on this list.  In his first professional game against the Baltimore Colts, Tatum knocked tight ends John Mackey and Tom Mitchell out of the game.  This would be the first in a series of big hits that would define Tatum’s career.  In 1978 Tatum nailed New England Patriots wide receiver Darryl Stingley, as he was going up for a pass in a pre-season game and left him paralyzed from the waist down.  What makes him really dirty?  He doesn’t have any regrets.

Bill Romanowski – Blame the steroids all you want, but this man had serious attitude issues (even without the juice).  He admitted that when he jumped into a pile he had the intention of breaking, bruising, and generally battering the opposing players as much as possible.  This is in addition to kicking Larry Centers in the head, breaking Kerry Collins jaw, and spitting in J.J. Stokes face.  He would end his career by ending the career of Oakland Raiders teammate Marcus Williams by ripping off his helmet and crushing his eye socket.

Conrad Dobler – Offensive linemen have never been a pretty or nice group, but Conrad Dobler truly set the standard for dirty play.  He was not content to merely beat the defensive linemen during each play but wanted to dismember them.  An expert at inflicting pain, he once brought an opposing lineman to tears on the field during the game with a few well placed shots to the solar plexus.  Even walking into the pro bowl locker room turned out to be a case of walking amongst the enemy.  The name of his autobiography?  “They Call Me Dirty,” and so do we.

Ulf Samuelsson – Ulf Samuelsson would find himself right at home with the mafia after making a career out kneecapping opposing players.  He perfected the art of the knee check, ramming his knee into opposing players’ knees, taking them out of the game, and sometimes shortening their career.  What made his actions even dirtier is that he would actively seek to hurt other players instead of taking action to protect his teammates.  The only time Samuelsson shied away from contact is when he was challenged to a fair fight.  He racked up 2,453 penalty minutes in only 1,080 career games. 

Bud Selig – Is he an athlete?  That is a definite no.  Is he responsible for one of the dirtiest eras in the history of America’s pastime?  Absolutely.  The ultimate blame for the steroid era rests solely on the shoulders of the man that presided over bulging biceps and forearms (right Bash Brothers?).  Throughout this time, Selig let the problem grow exponentially as he sat back with the owners and counted the money rolling in from fans watching this astronomical increase in home runs.  With the revelations of Balco and the Mitchell Report, the powerful empire he helped create is slowly crumbling.