It’s pretty obvious that I’ve assembled the best core of players.  I have no old men and representation from each of the conference finalists.  Let’s start with my first pick…Haloti Ngata.  Did you know that “Haloti Ngata” is Tongan for “Bad, Bad Man Who Will Kill You If You Look Him Directly In The Eyes”?  True.  Ed Reed is the most spectacular Ravens defensive player, and Ray Lewis is the most legendary.  Yet Ngata is the anchor, and the success that Reed and Lewis (who was reborn into Ray Lewis 2000 this season) can be attributed to Ngata literally eating 3 offensive linemen per play. (Yes, literally)  So Rosolio, great choices…but your boys need Ngata up front.

My second pick was the most freakish athlete of the remaining four teams…Adrian Wilson.  Wilson has Ed Reed’s talent and Troy Polamalu’s hair, except he’s straight so he puts it in braids.  I can see him roaming the field on my defense like a velociraptor.  And that’s the velociraptor from the first Jurrassic Park…not the third one where the doctor had that stupid horn that sang to the raptors.  That was stupid.  My other defensive back is Asante Samuel.  Asante has 7 INT’s in 10 career playoff games.  That’s just ridiculous.  Even when he misses a play (like he did in the Super Bowl last year), he still makes it look smooth.  He’s like Gob after a failed magic trick saying, “Still…where did the lighter fluid come from?”

I’m saving my two offensive choices for last, because that’s where my team name, The Face-Rippers comes from.  Let’s start with Big Ben.  Like him or not, and I know Rosolio LOVES the guy, he is one of the best field generals in the NFL.  More than that, he is tough as nails and the perfect guy to lead a team.  Guys respond to Roethlisberger getting the crap knocked out of him, but just getting back up and playing.  Even more than that…he once threw his head through a windshield and didn’t even care.  His head is made out of the same stuff that Tiger Wood’s driver heads are made of. So what if he has like 7 concussions?  That’s like one concussion for the average person.

Finally, the captain of the Face-Rippers…Anquan Boldin.  The fact that Boldin had reconstructive facial surgery this season was the most underrated sports story of the year.  Let me say that again…he didn’t have his knee, shoulder, or groin repaired…his FACE was reconstructed.  John Travolta and Nicolas Cage should do a movie about THAT.  Even with missing time, he put up numbers as good as any WR in the league.  I like his odds to connect with Ben.

As for Thorsonette?  Kurt Warner and Brian Westbrook?  One’s pushing 40 and the other might as well legally change his name to “Game Time Decision”.  You should have taken more offensive players for when Warner retires and Westbrook misses games.  Wait…you took Santonio Holmes too?  I hope he gets out a step ladder to get open against Wilson and Samuel.   You must REALLY love the Buckeyes, I’m surprised you didn’t grab Troy Smith.  For good measure, you took another old player in Brian Dawkins, and another little guy in NFL Defensive Player of the Year in Jerome Harrison.  I like them both, especially Harrison.  But is he really the best Defensive Player in the league? The best overall player of the remaining teams?  

Rosolio…you started strong with your Ravens plus Larry Fitzgerald…hard to argue.  Then you finished off your team with Joe Flacco and Aaron Smith.  Really?  Those are two of the top 15 best players left?  I know you feel about Joe Flacco the same way most people secretly feel about ABBA, but you might want to keep that love to yourself until he develops into a QB that can win games for you, I haven’t seen him do that.  I know I’m waiting for ABBA to get back together and tour with a cool rap artist like Nelly or Will Smith.  Then they’ll have the street cred for me to be open about my love for them.  And Aaron Smith…it’s clear you wanted to take a lineman for your team, but after Ngata choosing the best lineman from these four teams is like choosing the hottest First Lady.  That was a little bit of a force.

I’m taking the Face-Rippers to build around any day.  Bring it on.