CELEBRITY
GAMING
MOVIES
The 2009 National Lampoon Fantasy Football Challenge!
We’ve assembled the best that National Lampoon has to offer* for a Fantasy Football league. The people at Splog! are taking on the Zaz! Report. Why is it called the “Fantasy Football Challenge”? Because it sounds more exciting than the “Fantasy Football Article We Hope You Read”. We’ll be playing out a full season and will be recapping the draft, the weekly matchups and results, the smack talk and the inevitable, Cubs-like letdown incurred by the Cowboys at the end of a promising season resulting in Jerry Jones’ plastic face melting like the dude at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
* - “The Best That National Lampoon has to offer” with the exception of Harold Ramis, Ryan Reynolds, Chevy Chase, Beverly D’Angelo, Ethan Embry, Randy Quaid, Christie Brinkley, Kal Penn, Bill Murray, Chris Miller, Henry Beard, Anthony Michael Hall, any of the deceased persons who were once associated with National Lampoon, Wayne Newton, Matt Frewer, Tim Matheson, John Landis, Ali Larter, any of the chicks that got naked in any of the Lampoon films, Paris Hilton, Jon Bon Jovi, that dog with the big balls in Van Wilder, Emilio Estevez, Samuel L. Jackson, William Shatner, Dennis Leary, yes I am just going through the Lampoon films and finding the big names, Tim Curry, Kathy Ireland, Jason Mewes or even Nadine Rajabi. We couldn’t even get Judd Nelson.
The draft for this league is set for this Wednesday and we’ll be posting that a few days after. We fully encourage readers to write it and openly mock our decisions. Here are the people involved:
Splog! Division
Return of the Driving School
Owner: Mike Rosolio
Kim Kardashian
Owner: Robert Slattery
Plaxico’s Gun Club
Owner: Douche LaRue
That’s So Raven
Owner: Marty Dundics
Any Winehouse
Owner: Evan Orenstein
Ashley Olsen
Owner: Colt Brechtel
ZAZ! Division
Salad
Owner: Matt Zaller
“<Quote not safe for a PG, PG-13, R or even NC-17 audience>”
Sarah Palin gave me a hummer
Owner: Daniel DB Baer
Sanctimommy
Owner: Jessica Gottlieb
Her Other web site
Her Other Other Web Site
I think this is her last web site
Wait. Found one more.
She Officially owns half of the internet.
Jessicas Web Hosting Bills eclipse the gross national product of Ethiopia
“I’m going to pick my team based on their shoes. Just sayin…. “
Jessica Simpson
Owner: Patrick Connelly
Kelly Kapowski
Owner: Carrie Thorson
“I hate, HATE stupid ad clips before online video clips.” - Quote may have been stolen from the Dalai Lama, though
Cherry Bomb
Owner: Garrett Hargrove
League Constitution
BUT!! At no point shall anyone ever insinuate or outright claim that their opponent liked the show “Full House”. Those are grounds for immediate expulsion.
2. Loser’s Walk of Shame:
Every week, the person who has the worst Won-Loss record against their respective head-to-head opponent shall perform an embarrassing task voted upon by the readers of National Lampoon. Tasks shall not come at any great monetary cost to the loser in question.
Verification of said task shall be posted to National Lampoon’s Splog no later than 1 week after the loser has been identified. Verification shall consist of video or picture of said task being completed and must be accepted by the readers of National Lampoon.
A list of tasks shall be posted to Splog on every Tuesday and voting for said tasks will be allowed until the start of the first game on Sunday. Voting will be received by comments in the Splog posting.
Such tasks may include:
1. Loser must ask pharmacist detailed questions about enemas.
2. Holding a cardboard sign on a busy intersection proclaiming their love for
3. Going door to door in their respective neighborhood asking people to sign their petition to get David Hasselhoff back on Baywatch.
And so on and so on.
3. Zaller Amendment:
* matt zaller will win
* or everyone dies…
* but you won’t need to “let” him win
* because he will.
4. (In Progress. Willing to accept suggestions)
