Word travels fast. It travels even faster when it involves an NFL quarterback during these final few weeks before training camp. And it travels at light speed when it involves sexual assault. There are so many wonderful nuggets to analyze about this case, so let’s just pick the best ones:

1. The Civil Cart Before the Criminal Horse. This title is pleasing because of the idea of picturing a criminal horse. Does he have a bandana around his face? Is he driving a getaway car? Is he assaulting a Harrah’s employee? All are fun. Take notes, Pixar.

Steeler fans are instantly pointing to the lack of a criminal charge as evidence the whole thing is a joke. But there are a number of examples of the order being flipped from the usual. It also doesn’t mean the criminal complaint doesn’t exist; just that TMZ hasn’t reported on it. And not everything that’s news gets reported (see below).

2. Ben’s an Idiot. He’s the favorite son in Pittsburgh, a town that loves its athletes as much as any in the country. But he’s also incredibly stupid. Emerging from the wreckage that was his face to claim he would continue to not wear a helmet, having a puss on his face after playing horribly in the Super Bowl (despite winning), and, of course, Drink Like A Champion Today are all examples of his proclivites. Throw a little Kobe-style ape-ray and you’ve got a great face of the franchise.

3. Without Roethlisberger, the Steelers are F*cked. The Steelers are known for their defense, but they should be known for their quarterback running around and escaping pressure. That’s how they score their points. You can only call it luck for so long; that’s just what he does. If for some reason Roethlisberger was to miss time due to incarceration, the Steeler O would be in dire straits.

4. If Guilty, Rooney’s Reputation is Forever Tarnished. The Steelers have an unfounded reputation of being a classy franchise. It’s primarily based on the fact that Dan Rooney is a staggeringly classy guy. His teams in the 70s were fueled by early steroid use (that’s pretty much been agreed upon by contemporaries and all the dead linemen). His reputation of dealing with problem children is largely unfounded as a number of Steelers have been arrested in the past for punching women. Roethlisberger punched this one with his unit, and unless Rooney chooses to discipline him (as any classy owner would), he’s clearly all talk. The best is obviously saved for last.

5. ESPN’s Refusal to Report the Case Highlights the ‘E’. The network most often calling the Steelers classy is the same one refusing to report this story. ESPN is an Entertainment company, not a news company, and all those fans who have never been to Pittsburgh but picked them as their team because they were good in the 70s mean an awfully huge chunk of eyeballs on TVs and websites. It certainly doesn’t help that Roethlisberger is slated to be a part of sister company ABC’s Shaq reality show. The Worldwide Leader is about as unbiased as the state news service of Iran.

Stay tuned for more. I’m sure you won’t hear it on ESPN.