The Steelers kick off their title defense against future Hall of Famer, Vince Young and the Tennessee Titans on Thursday.  Millions of fantasy teams will also begin their respective seasons on Thursday also.  I am currently in 7 leagues and shockingly, the next black QB to win the Super Bowl (his words, not mine) is not owned in any of those leagues.  Still available in our league… Here’s how the week 1 Matchups look on week 1 of the National Lampoon League (After the Break):

Return of the Driving School
(Mike Rosolio)
vs
That’s So Raven
(Marty Dundics)

Estimated Scores:Rosolio: 46 - Marty: 53

Rolosio:
Predicted Big Scorer: LaDanian Tomlinson (17 Points)
Weak Link: Ahmad Bradshaw (3 Points)
Comments:
(None Given)

Dundics:
Predicted Big Scorer: Brian Westbrook (16 Points)
Weak Link: Isaac Bruce (Yes, he is still playing; 2 points)
Marty’s Brimming With Confidence Comments:
Yo fools, you are all going to beat me. Honestly I am terrible at these things

Plaxico’s Gun Club
(Douche LaRue)
vs
Child Please
(Evan Orenstein)

Estimated Scores:Massengill: 77 - Evan:66

LaRue:
Predicted Big Scorer: Maurice Jones-Drew (15 Points)
Weak Link: Roy Williams (5 points)
Comments:
(None Given)

Orenstein:
Predicted Big Scorer: Phil Rivers (19 Points)
Weak Link: Kellen Winslow (2 Points)
Comments:
(None Given)

Kim Kardashian
(Robert Slattery)
vs
Ashley Olsen
(Colt Brechtel)

Estimated Scores:Rob Slats: 102 - Colt: 62

Slattery:
Predicted Big Scorer: Tom Brady (19 Points)
Weak Link: Andre Johnson.  Its crazy to write that Rob’s worst player, per estimated points is Andre Johnson.  How the F&*# did we let him have a team where his worst player is Andre Johnson?!?!  Jeez (8 points)
Comments:
(None Given)

Brechtel:
Predicted Big Scorer: Matt Forte (15 Points)
Weak Link: Muhsin Muhammed (2 Points)
Comments:
(None Given)

Jessica Simpson
(Patrick Connelly)
vs
Sanctimommy
(Jessica Gottlieb)

Estimated Scores: Slattery: 55 - Queen of the Internet: 74

Connelly:
Predicted Big Scorer: Drew Brees (20 Points)
Weak Link: Everyone who is not Drew Brees.  LenDale White (1 Point), Nate Washington (0 Points), Deion Branch (0 Points).
Comments:
(None Given)

Gottlieb:
Predicted Big Scorer: Carson Palmer (18 points)
Weak Link: Heath Miller (2 Points)
Comments:
(None Given)

Salad
(Matt Zaller)
vs
Sarah Palin gave me a hummer
(Daniel DB Baer)

Estimated Scores: Zaller: 49 - DB: 76

Zaller:
Predicted Big Scorer: Frank Gore (14 Points)
Weak Link: Patrick Crayton (1 Point)
Comments:
(None Given)

Baer:
Predicted Big Scorer: Tony Romo (19 Points)
Weak Link: Michael Jenkins (3 Points)
Comments:
I’m going to substitute the matzah balls in my soup with Matt Zaller’s low-hanging uniball.

Kelly Kapowski
(Carrie Thorson)
vs
Cherry Bomb
(Garrett Hargrove)

Estimated Scores:Carrie: 60 - Garrett: 78

Thorson
Predicted Big Scorer: Adrian Peterson (19 points)
Weak Link: Darren Sproles (3 points)
Comments:
Though the mighty autodraft blessed me with wide receivers straight from heaven, my running backs range from injury-laden senior citizens to 27th-string nightmares. I humbly offered Plaxico’s Gun Club an ingeniously-orchestrated trade to ameliorate both my unfortunate RB situation and his sad WR collection, but the Douche turned it down. Capital D intended – that’s really his name. I’d say I’ll see him in the playoffs, but with his wide receivers, chances are slim. Otherwise, Cherry Bomb will surely be a formidable opponent and I look forward to a rousing joust.

Hargrove:
Predicted Big Scorer: Aaron Rodgers (19 points)
Weak Link: Derrick Ward (4 points)
Comments:
Kind of sick of the Raiders not only dicking over their own fans, but also their fantasy owners.  First they ruin Randy Moss for several years until people stop drafting him.  Now they can’t decide on a Running Back while I’ve got Darren McFadden as my #2 back.  McFadden is clearly the most talented, yet Cable, in between punching assistants, can’t decide between him, Huggy Bear’s kid and Michael Bush.  I can understand Running Back by Committee when you’ve got Peyton Hillis, Selvin Young and Andre Hall.

Still… should be enough to beat a QB without any receivers (Cutler), a back up RB (Sproles) and New Orleans’ sixth option at WR (Lance Moore).  You’re going down like Tiffani-Amber Thiessen’s career!

(Hindsight after getting Carrie’s smack talk: Damn.  She totally beat me to the punch with her assessment of Sproles and her RB situation.  This is how that dude going against Eminem felt at the end of 8 mile when Eminem preemptively attacked himself before that other dude could then the other dude had no clue what to say when it was his turn to rap battle.)

LOSER CHALLENGE:

In lieu of forcing the loser to perform a challenge, we are taking reader suggestions for ideas for loser challenges in the future.  Then we’ll have people vote for the one they want to see.  So, in the comments put in some ideas for a Walk of Shame that you’d like to see our writers be put through.