I often do not agree with PETA, given their platform of suggesting that animals are deserving of the same rights afforded to humans, I personally can’t support giving rights to something that can’t wipe it’s own ass This includes bears, no matter what those Charmin commercials suggest (I’m still on the fence regarding invalids…). But finally those B-12 deficient bastards have come up with something that I can sink my teeth into. In response to the 2012 Olympics being held in Vancouver, PETA has taken out an ad on its website apparently making a push for Seal Clubbing to become an Olympic sport and I couldn’t be more supportive. I believe that the one thing that both the Winter and Summer Olympics has been missing in recent years is balls. I defy you to find something more ballsy than finding a cute, defenseless animal curiously poking its head out of a plane of ice and someone mercilessly bludgeoning it to death with a mallet. Actually, forget the mallet. The sport, if inducted, should include extra points for the athlete destroying the critter with his or her bare hands. And talk about ratings! Fans who get bored with Olympic hockey for it’s strict rules against fighting would be sitting front row and center for this event to get their fill of blood on the ice. Concessions would skyrocket as well. Think of the kind of merchandising you can do with a spectacle like this. Vanilla pudding pops shaped like a seal’s head that you can dip into a cherry sauce or seal shaped hats with a mallet sticking out of the top of it would sell like gangbusters. But most of all, think of the children. In thousands of Chuck E. Cheese’s across our country, we have young children whose talents at whack-a-mole go undeveloped. Who are we to snuff that violent flame in their eyes every time they swing that mallet. I implore the International Olympic Committee to seriously consider this sport as they did snowboarding. Which is really no different that seal clubbing other than the athlete using the board to perform tricks instead of cold blooded murder. Now if there was only way we could revert Olympic Basketball to Mesoamerican rules where instead of a ball they would use a severed human head.