Do you like enjoy professional golf, but often tire of the tedium of always being quiet and sober out on the course? Do you enjoy playing Golden-Tee at the bar, but always become distracted by your buddy constantly puking on the pinball machine or the hot blonde in the low cut shirt playing pool at the table next to you? Worry no longer my friend, as I have created a game that combines the rowdiness of the bar, the fun and excitement of alcohol poisoning and all the T&A that you can shake your 3-wood at. Light up them Marlboro’s and welcome to John Daly 2008 Golf.

John Daly 2008 will be equipped with the latest in video game technology, as new video game company BAL has developed a computerized breathalyzer accessory that hooks straight into your game console and let’s your PS3 or X-Box know when your blood alcohol level has reached a sufficient enough level to compete with an uber-lete like Mr. Daly . Better break out your beer helmets and saddle up to the bar before hitting the links with Johnny boy, because you’re gonna need to blow a .12 to even get the game to turn on.

Gamers will have to purchase the breathalyzer pack separately for $69.99, but it’s a necessity in order to get the true John Daly Golf experience. Fortunately, the breathalyzer pack comes with two beer “holsters” for players to keep their cold ones close by while in the heat of competition. It also includes a “Camel Caddy” for the golfer too focused (or unfocused) to stumble 20 ft back to the cart for his smokes. A med-alert bracelet, which players are supposed to write their blood type on. And finally, defibrillators, which players will probably get good use out of as they advance further and further into the game.*

If you start to feel the any of the following :
- light headedness
- inability to operate heavy machinery
- insatiable hunger for wild turkey and Wild Turkey
- the need to take your shirt off

You are ready to start swinging the sticks with Big John!

While the game play is somewhat wobbly/fuzzy and it can become increasingly hard to keep your balance as you shotgun beers before each hole, players will have all sorts of sordid obstacles to overcome in order to advance to the championship level. Some of the challenges throughout the game are:

- Trying not to ogle the girl in the Hooters outfit that’s looping for you while studying your putts
- Passing up all the sponsor tents lining the fairways with signs that say “Open Bar”
- Have to smoke a pack of Marlboro Reds by the turn or you receive a two stroke penalty
- Game is obviously made to give players with the physique of a pregnant walrus a distinct advantage
- It turns out that all your rowdy friends have not actually settled down and they’re in the gallery with air horns
- Daly crushes a 300 yard drive = you crushing a tequila shooter
- Trashy women in Lynyrd Skynyrd t-shirts will flash you and try to throw off your concentration
- Hired that guy that played Tony D’Annunzio in Caddyshack to follow you around and yell - - “Noonan…MISS IT!”
- No shirt, no shoes, no problem. No beer–immediate disqualification

And if you are lucky enough to get to the final match without succumbing to alcohol poisoning or passing out, you’ll be able to go toe to toe in match play with JD himself. Players barley able to stand need not worry, as the final 18 is all carts, all the time. When you’re in peak athletic condition…there’s no reason to walk!

And you better beat him in the 18 allotted, otherwise things get ugly as the play-off system is just a shot drinking contest — whoever finishes a bottle of Old Crow first is declared the grand champion and will be presented a trophy by the president of Schlitz Brewing, a 20% off coupon for Hooters and a free stomach pump at the hospital of your choice. Golf claps all around.

John Daly 2008 is fun for all shapes, sizes and alcohol preferences. So, lock you car keys in a safe place and send the kids to bed early, it’s time to play a round with the only golfer you know who’s name isn’t Tiger Woods.

* Players will also be able to use the accessory for the upcoming release: Drum Hero starring Keith Moon. Cases of whiskey and Heminevrin will be sold separately. Consult your doctor if you show symptoms of trying to drive your Corolla into a pool.