I thought it would take more than one double-episode to design how to add booze to the most American of sports. Wrong.

1. Drink every time Hulk Hogan says ‘brother.’ It’s worse than a power hour.

2. Drink every time you predict one of the gladiators will be on Celebrity Apprentice next season. Wolf and Venom are mortal locks.

3. Drink twice whenever you notice one of the contenders doesn’t want to be there anymore. Every single one of them has had that look so far. It’s usually right after they’re punched in the face or thrown off a giant foam mountain.

4. If one of the hot gladiators wins, finish your beer. Don’t sweat this one, they hardly ever do. The ones who look like dudes, however, win. A lot.

5. Finally, at the end of the show, finish your beer if you set your TiVo to record the next one. You will.