In what was probably prime-time’s biggest fight since Donald and Rosie on The View, Kimbo Slice pummeled and puree’d James Thompson’s ear on Saturday night.  While cable networks like SpikeTV are well primed for such violent programming, prime-time networks like CBS and its Andy "I hate Borat" Rooney  television fare may not be. 

     For the past several weeks, critics and pundits have been abuzz with predicting the outcome of hosting such a melee on CBS, but Chairman of the Board, Sumner Redstone stuck by his guns, saying that Les Moonves calls the shots at CBS.  However, Sunday morning, insider sources (aka Redstone’s house keeper) said her boss was aghast that a man’s ear exploded on national television.  "He was cheering, booing and crying all at the same time," she said in an off-the-record conversation with the estate’s plumber. 

    Advertisers and consultants alike have had a hard time getting their heads around the placement of the event, but "Anyone who thinks CBS will not come out of this with some kind of black eye is fooling themselves," says Marc Ganis, president of SportCorp, a consulting firm.  However, CBS’s scheduling guru Kelly Khal said to TIME magazine, "We’re juiced for this…MMA is something worth betting on." 

    In that one statement, we can now see that CBS is not only condoning the "human cockfighting" sport, but also securing their bets by "juicing" their ahtletes.  For that, Sumner Redstone has called CBS chief Les Moonves into the ring.  After Slice landed a few well placed right hooks to Thompson’s ear, Redstone could be seen climbing to the top of the cage, pointing at Moonves and shouting the ritual chant in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.  "Kali Ma, Shakti Da" he repeated, beating his chest and pointing ominously at the timid Moonves.

   Ordinary pacifist Moonves, unavailable for comment, says, "What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, and if Ol’ Red wants to lay down his life, then so be it."    Moonves claims to have been training for the last several months saying, "When you put good television on CBS, you’re gonna get fired.  So naturally, I am preparing myself for war as I take MMA to the next level on prime time."   

   The match is scheduled for June 31, 2008.  Here is a preview of the showdown. Vince McMahon plays Redstone, Stone Cold Steve Austin channels Sumner, and Howard Stern makes an appearance.  "We’re gonna settle this in a deathmatch ring!"