Trying to watch sports with a Lady Friend is like carrying a popsicle made of deadly toxins through the desert.  It’s a delicate proposition.  We all know who wears the pants in the relationship.  But with my help utilizing these time honored strategeries you too can enjoy your favorite teams on a nightly basis. 

The way I see it you have five options available to you.  Get ready these might hurt: 

Number 1.)  Do you have any hard-hitting pain medication or sleeping pills in the house?  If yes, problem solved.  If no, move on to the next option on the list. 

Number 2.)  Play dead.  If you are around 10 yrs old this just might work.  If you are older than 20 this might buy you some time, but will probably only end up hurting the relationship.   

Number 3.)  Suggest giving her a backrub.  Place the game on in the background and be sure to keep your sounds of jubilation/heartache to a minimum as the game unfolds.  You can thank me later. 

Number 4.)  Depending on the importance of the game, you may choose to bargain with the woman for some valuable T.V. watching time.  I call this the Buy My Bikes Approach.  Offer up a few episodes of the real housewives of the OC or perhaps even an episode of The Hills.  Yes this sucks, but if the game is that important and you are too big of a pansy to just watch it, then this might be the only solution.  Pansy.  

Number 5.)  Pretend to go outside to water the plants.  But instead RUN, don’t walk, to the nearest sports bar.  Enjoy your game while sampling pitchers of beer.  Sidenote: you are going to have to fake a mugging after your game is over.  If you cannot physically harm yourself then just pinch the guy next to you in the bar and tell him you are looking forward to getting Brokeback with him.  That should do the trick.  If he does say yes then you have a much bigger set of issues to deal with.  Don’t call me.

OK, that’s it.  Enjoy the games.  Be strong fellas.