Sometimes things just write themselves for you. Take this news headline, for example:

India win toss and bat in first Windies ODI

Now that was all in English, and I am an English-speaker… but what? What does that even mean? Is it some sort of sexual euphemism? Does the mysterious AP stringer who wrote that headline even understand it?

If you think the confusion ends at the headline, think again…

India won the toss and elected to bat in the opening one-day international against the West Indies on Friday at Sabina Park.

I understood “Friday” and “Park”… and I have a pretty good idea of what an “international” is (a boring, boring movie starring Clive Owen).

It still sounds like some swingers party. The fact that the actual article about this toss and bat orgy is only two sentences long leads me to believe that no one understands whatever an ODI is. There is no actual sport mentioned in the article, just the players in this sick and twisted “event”.

I’m washing my hands of the whole thing and am going to watch some good, old-fashioned monkey races.