In a really surprising turn of events (yeah right) the Panama-Mexico soccer match ended in an ugly barrage of lock neck bottle launching.  The fans disposed of their seemingly cheap beer in any way they could think of.  Flexing their few baseball muscles, these futbol fans attempted to throw their bottles and cups of beer overhand all over the arena, avoiding the embarassing underhand technique I tend to use.  Several fans spent the remainder of the day sticky…stickier.  You might wonder who could possibly benefit from such a ghastly display of partially subhuman wastefulness and unsportsmanship-like conduct.  The beer vendors.  The countless beer vendors.

They supply all the fuel for this pure adrenalin filled fiesta.  And they have their strategy down.  Each individual vendor makes a decent amount of money throughout the first 60-70 minutes of the game.  But it’s at this time that all of the fans have a “whoa, awesome.  I’m a little hammered,” moment.  After a bit more consumption, it’s time for them to get rowdy.  Shoving, biting, scratching, uncomfortable male to male kisses, fighting and nervous breakdowns spontaneously breakout in the large crowd of rougly 43,000.    But obviously the favorite activity is beer throwing.  Thus creating a large demand for more beer.  It’s an oddly magical sight to see so many Juans and Pedros running and trampling all over each other.  At an average of $12 a beer and another $1.45 for the use of a bottle opener, vendors stand to make a considerably humongous amount of money.  The math is too daunting a task to figure.   Reminds me of my childhood.

Beer vendors with a healthy cash flow.

If it’s a particularly lucky day in the soccer world, like today, the match ends in a tie.  All the fans then reach the drunk depression.  So sad that there was no prevail on either side, no outcome to justify their wild antics, and feel their only escape is to…buy a little more beer.

Some may say they are taking advantage of the situation, but I say they’re just adding to the game.  Soccer wouldn’t be what it is today without the drunken bafoons causing all sorts of untold structural, physical and probably emotional damage.  It makes the game for me.