Name: Terrell Owens

Crime: Creating Unnecessary Controversy/Making America Dumber/Dropping Passes.

He’s the king of controversial firestorms and now he even has his own show (so who’s genius idea was that?).  Buffalo Bills Wide Receiver Terrell Owens, a six-time Pro Bowl selection, holds the NFL’s single-game reception record AND he’s a f*cking basterd.  Take exhibits A, B, C, D, E…

August 2004:  Owens insinuates in an interview with Playboy magazine that 49ers Quarterback Jeff Garcia is a homosexual.  “If it looks like a rat and smells like a rat, by golly, it is a rat…”

November 15, 2004:  Wearing a Philadephia Eagles jersey, Owens appears with Nicollette Sheridan (of the ABC series Desperate Housewives) in an introductory skit to open that evening’s Monday Night Football.  Many condemn the skit as being sexually suggestive - at the conclusion, Sheridan removes her towel - and ABC later apologizes for airing it.

April 2005:  Owens announces that he has hired super agent Drew Rosenhaus and indicates he’s seeking to have his contract with the Philadelphia Eagles renegotiated.  He makes comment to the effect that he “wasn’t the guy who got tired in the Super Bowl.”  The remark was in reference to Eagles Quarterback Donovan McNabb throwing up on the field during the fourth quarter of Super Bowl XXXIX.

November 3, 2005:  Owens gets into a fight with Eagles Defensive End Hugh Douglas, the leader of the team.  In an interview with ESPN, Owens voices his frustrations over the team not recognizing his 100th career touchdown.  He calls the Eagles a classless organization.

When asked whether or not he agreed with a comment made by ESPN analyst and good friend Michael Irvin, Owens agrees that the Eagles would be undefeated if Brett Favre were the quarterback of the team instead of Donovan McNabb.

November 8, 2005:  Owens and Rosenhaus hold a news conference at Owens’ residence in Moorestown, New Jersey.  Owens does sit-ups in his driveway then apologizes to the team and the fans.  After Owens reads his statement, Rosenhaus infuriates reporters by answering the majority of their questions with a “next question.”

September 27, 2006:  Media outlets in Dallas report Owens tries to kill himself by intentionally ingesting an overdose of hydrocodone, a pain medication.  Owens leaves the hospital later that day and at a press conference denies having made a suicide attempt and that doctors had pumped his stomach, stating that he expects to join the team for practice the next morning.  Owens’ publicist, Kim Etheridge, first says Owens was “depressed” then later refutes the report, saying Owens had suffered allergic reaction to the medication combined with a dietary supplement.December 16, 2006:  Atlanta Falcons Cornerback DeAngelo Hall claims Owens spits in his face during a play early in their game against the Cowboys.   Owens later confirms he did indeed spat by saying, “I got frustrated and I apologize for that.  It was a situation where he kept hugging me and getting in my face.  He had a lot of words, I didn’t.  I just wanted to come and prove I’m not a guy to be schemed with.”

May 15 2007:  Dallas Cowboys begin spring mini-camp under new head coach Wade Phillips.  When asked what he learned from former Coach and Hall-of-Famer Bill Parcells, Owens says, “Nothing, really… I think having a new head coach is good for everybody. It’s a little bit more relaxed.  I think you can tell that by the atmosphere in the locker room.  I don’t think I just have to really spell it out for you, but I think it’s very evident.”

July 20, 2009:  The first episode of The T.O. Show airs on VH1 and the the country instantly gets dumber.  The first episode has T.O.’s publicists convincing him to move to L.A. to work on his love life.  Because what better place to embark into a stable relationship?  Surprise, surprise T.O. sleeps around and acts like a complete jackass…

Yes, when it comes to creating unnecessary firestorms nobody does it better… But apparently, America can’t get enough.  Because this basterd just won’t go away.