Dear Answer Man,

OK, I’m a slowly becoming a fan of the shootout. I have tried to fight it but it is nice getting some closure to a game. I am also finding myself getting really wrapped up when it comes down to the final shot and the pressure on the players. Who on the Blues are on your shootout list and do you shoot or deke?

Mark (Merriam- KS)

Funky Bunch, I am like you. Not in the biblical sense but in the “slowly becoming a fan of the shootout”. At first I was very much against it. I thought it cheapens our delicious game and reduces it to a single act. Not only that you’d see Euros on the highlight reel more and more. 

When I am on the treadmill at the gym doing my Turbulence Training sprints, I watch ESPN Sportscenter. It’s either that or “Flavor Of Love” and I can’t watch chicks throw themselves at Flava Flav. I can’t even believe that guy made it adulthood and I’m fairly certain he can’t read. I try and time my cardio after my weightlifting session so I can catch the Top 10 Plays of the Day. There are usually some really cool goals that are scored and you catch some cool shootout highlights too. You might see two hockey highlights vs. the 8 NBA dunks that are on the list. Yeah, watching an NBA player dunk really takes a lot doesn’t it?  It is usually a 7 foot guy just jamming a ball into the hoop.  Whoopee!  I’d rather help Answer Mom’s friend Phyllis remove the blackheads from her shoulders, arms, ears and neck. That broad is covered in those things. It is a sight to behold.

After going through some of these shootouts the past few years, it is certainly growing on me. We are also seeing a lot of cool moves. One really cool one was a spin around deke by that albino Jason Blake of the Maple Leafs. Man, that guy is white. You can also see dudes like Martin St. Louis come in on a goalie on his backhand while practically skating backwards. I loved that move because it was totally unexpected. It was a nice surprise like when you find an extra dollar in the dryer after you wash your Zubas or your cut-off jean shorts.

Now, who would I put up in the shootout for the Blues? It would be easy to say you go with your hot hand and put in Scoring Sensation BJ Crombeen. You always want to go with what is hot but you also have to be strategic and play the odds. It is like picking up skanks. Go with what you know will work.  She needs to be this side of trampy and she should have a drinking problem.

Assuming there is a completely healthy lineup, my shootout line up for the Blues would start with Andy McDonald. That guy is gold.  I would sign this guy to a multi year deal and talk captaincy with him too. I’d follow up with Brad Boyes. He is fading a bit in regulation play but he’s very solid on the shootout. My third choice is Oshie. This kid is a runaway train with soft hands and rosey cheeks. After that you are looking at Perron and Kariya. 

Now do I encourage shooting or going with some crazy-ass deke move? It all depends on the stupid goalie you are facing. If he sits back in his net like Henrik Lunquist, shoot all day long. If he is like that freak Turco, he’s coming at you and you need to get him going side to side and call him names.

That reminds me of a really bitchin’ idea I had about the pageantry missing from shootouts. There needs to be a mind game element to shootouts. You need some showmanship. There should be pointing, gesturing, posturing and flat out name calling.  The home crowd needs to get into it and chant the opposing goalie’s name. There is not nearly enough of that. Get in their head. A shootout is a total mind-screw and players and fans need to add to it. Make it crazy like glow in the dark naked basement wrestling.

What about the post-goal celebration? Simple, if you are on the visiting team and you score the winner you should jerk your stick off to the crowd. That makes them go insane and makes for a real interesting trip out of the arena to the team bus.